Jeepers, you'd think that he'd be happy to get you off his back too LOL - it is crazy... Good Luck!

You would think. But he doesn't always.

Why are you not in court asking for temp.support ? I filed in May of 2006 and the ex paid temp support for another 19 months. The temp support was approved before the end of May.

Can you do that without an attorney? My lawyer asked if I wanted her to do that. I said that I really wanted to keep things out of court. I thought we could move forward fast enough now that it wouldn't be needed. Well, apparently, I was wrong. I may have to do it now. My stbx is really dragging his feet and blaming it on his attorney. I don't buy that. I thought I'd hear from my attorney on the car issue and the VISA card balance issue today. I didn't. I honestly don't know what to do at this point.

All you are doing is asking for temp support until you get the divorce finalized. But make sure what you ask for is close to what you want to receive after the divorce. In fact the temp support might be a little higher because you are adjusting to being on your own and you need a car. Go talk to another atty. in another town or county. Don't talk to one that might know your ex. If you want the name of the one I used let me know. I'm not posting his name all over this site. I'm telling you right now he's expensive and worth every penny if he will take your case.

I know you want to avoid court, but let's fact it--your stbx is not going to suddenly become Mr. Nice Guy. He has shown you repeatedly how little he cares for your situation. If you don't take him to court, he likely will not pay up. Right now, it's to his advantage to keep stalling--he's got everything--the money, the car, a place to live. It's time to put him in the hot seat.

I totally would get the name of trisha's attorney. You need an attorney who will fight for you. Go get temporary orders established. If you don't want to change attorneys, that's fine. But I would make it crystal clear to your present attorney that you want this situation taken care of now.

Good luck. Sending hugs! I divorced a man just like yours. Trust me, he won't get nicer.

Thanks, trisha. I appreciate that. I like my attorney. She used to be a prosecutor in NY. She can be tough, if needed. She's thinking right now that we want settle, not litigate, because I told her that, so she's preparing a settlement agreement at the moment. Stbx submitted an agreement way back in February that honestly didn't contain anything we could agree to. I still had my first attorney at that point and she didn't do a thing. So, believe it or not, last week we were just getting around to looking at that agreement and trying to make changes to it with my new attorney. She said it needed to be heavily edited and basically rewritten. So, she's supposed to be doing that. It's been about a week since we met. Because of what has happened over the car, I think we do need to go to court now for temp support. Things have definitely changed. So, I'll probably ask her about that in the morning. I've had enough. I am so stressed out.

Thanks, hurting. I feel like I'm in the worst position. I don't, don't, don't want this to get ugly, primarily for my daughter's sake. But, I have to look out for myself. If I don't do it now, I could seriously wind up homeless when it's all said and done. I've heard that the attorneys will tell you just about anything but when it's over, you actually wind up with much less than you expected.

I ended up with much more than I expected. Its time to play hardball and get after him for temp support. The settlement can be negotiated after you have money coming in.

I will tell you that you don't want to say ANYTHING in writing that you wouldn't say in person -- and you don't want to do any negotiating without the benefit of having a third party present as a witness. Nothing is written in stone until it's in legal form anyway, so don't risk having anything misinterpreted in the meantime.

From where I sit, what would benefit you the most at this point is to have your attorney go to court on your behalf and file for immediate spousal support. I have the feeling that your stbx is going to behave exactly as mine did -- and he told my sister "I'm not going to do ANYTHING until a judge tells me I have to."

Well, he got his wish. We had him in court for an emergency hearing for our Motion for Suit Fees and in 10 minutes, the judge was so angry with the stbx, he banged his gavel down and said, "Mr. B -- you will pay your wife $7,000 BEFORE you leave this courthouse today. And I suggest you start cooperating because I don't want to see you in my courtroom again."

On the flip side of this, I can see why the issue of your stbx co-signing a loan can be a sticky issue. At this point, you two are still legally married and any new debt is still considered Marital Debt. If he is also responsible for the loan, he owns half of the car.

Try to stop being penny-wise and pound foolish. Make up a list of questions and then make an appointment to have an in-person meeting with your attorney. When you get that meeting, you should have your list prioritized and be prepared to ask for clarification if necessary. If I had NOT hired an attorney, no doubt I would still be legally married to the Assclown and not have any control over the finances. Dumbshit had this wild idea that he could keep me out on the farm living on a stipend and have his "other life" with the OW, too. What a dreamer!

P.S. Goldengirl:
You say "you don't want this to get ugly" -- I got news for you. It IS ugly and it's probably going to get worse before it gets better. This is the time to hunker down and make it ALL ABOUT YOU -- your immediate financial needs and YOUR financial future.

I hung on for almost 9 months, hoping that the now-X would come to his senses and be fair. Didn't happen. When I finally unleashed my attorney and filed for divorce, all Hell broke loose but you know what? The stbx stopped trying to run over me. He had never really tangled with me before and this time, I was loaded for bear!

Get tough, my friend, and stay that way!

Thanks for the advice, Cowgirl.:)