I think it would depend on the law in your state. I live in Florida..no fault state. Does not seem to really matter. just a 50/50 split and us spouses in this state just keep on fighting until a decision is reached generally during mediation etc. Check on your state law. Personally I would not put anything damning in writing as it can come back to bite you.

I don't think you should ever put anything nasty in writing. IMO it can ALWAYS be used against you. Good Luck.

Depends on what you put in the text or email. If you have to communicate, it's best to keep conversations at a minimum, keep them emotion free, and state only the business at hand (example: please pick up the children at 5 p.m. today, etc.). If the responder gets nasty, don't reply, no matter how much you want to.

Just my two cents worth.

I'm having the worst time not letting him have it in texts. I know I need to stop but here's an example of what's making me so angry.

My daughter texted me a few minutes ago and asked if I could take her to a friend's house today. Picking up my daughter and taking her to this girl's house would be an hour's drive each way. My daughter has a car but I've been driving it because my husband was too cheap to get me my own when she went to college this year. I have a found a car I like, gotten the dealer down to a reasonable price and they are holding the car for me at the dealership and have been now for over a week. I have been waiting for weeks and weeks and weeks for my husband to discuss being a co-signer on the car loan with his attorney, a conversation that might take maybe 30 seconds. My attorney is fully aware that I am waiting and knows that I have been royally inconvenienced by all of this. And so has my daughter. And so has the dealership. Nothing. Still nothing. So, when my daughter asked for a ride, I sent a text to my stbx and told him that. Also told him that I really wanted to give her a ride. But I can't. Because the credit card he set up in my name when he left in Nov. is now over $12,000. Because it is in my name and my credit will be affected if I cannot pay this off in a timely fashion, I no longer want to use it until the current balance has been fully reimbursed. Because of that, I won't be able to buy gas. And because of that, I can no longer help my daughter out when she can't get somewhere because of all the inconvenience he has caused! Yes, I am really mad. And I let him have it.

My lawyer told me to never communicate period, unless absolute necessary,

If I wanted to tell him something it had to be cc'd to the lawyer, and if I couldn't do that because of the content then I should not send it.

Once we were done with the lawyer, his advise was only send something you would send to your children or your saintly grandmother. His other example was would you want it plastered on a sign on the interstate.

In other words, don't send anything with what you really want to send.

For a while I would write emails and send them to my girlfriend who would cut and past and fix it for me.

My three paragraphs would be cut down to three or four sentences. As she looking in from outside only said what I need to get across.

I feel like everyone is getting what they want except ME. I feel like I needed some leverage to get people to act, especially my stbx. I have been very kind and forthcoming in most of my emails for months and months. And I've gotten absolutely nowhere. My stbx responds when he feels like it. He hasn't been forthcoming with his financial information and no one seems to care except ME. I've been waiting on a car since March and no one seems to be in a hurry. Yes, I am really frustrated. I have communicated this to my attorney and she didn't evenrespond but you can bet that she billed me for "receipt and review" of my email. GGGrrrrr. I am not having a good day. <sigh>

I can totally understand your frustration. Your STBX knows he has you between a rock and a hard place. I wish I had more to offer you than my sympathy. I've had to borrow my D's car for a day or so and I felt bad doing it, so I can empathize there as well (((HUGS)))

I understand your frustration, however sending emails to your husband obviously doesn't work.

You need to get your lawyer to be demanding these things, with timelines. then you can go to work when he doesn't do it.

((((HUGS))) its so hard to do this I know

What worries me greatly is that the deal over the car is the first of many big financial things that need to be negotiated. The car thing has lasted four months and cost nearly a thousand dollars in legal fees, which I am not sure will be shared by him! And he's been the cause of all the delays! I want to convey all this frustration to my attorney but feel that I will just be charged again with still no progress. I'm starting to think I need to take things into my own hands to get anything accomplished but I know that's foolish. So, yes, I'm caught between a rock and a hard place and I'm not so sure that it's not intentional. This could very well be their strategy to frustrate me so much that I cave, take a smaller lump sum and get out to save my sanity. I'm thinking at this point it might make sense. If it requires a fortune in legal fees to get the littlest thing out of him, would I really be losing anything if I took a lump sum?

Sounds to me you need a new lawyer. You really need to speak to a financial analyst and find a lawyer who will not waste any time and give you answers like yup... You need one who is going to take action! Your still married - go get a car. Why can't you? I don't understand.

You can't buy a car without a down payment unless you're leasing, at least that's my understanding. I was a stay-at-home mom for 19 years. Don't have a dime. He has agreed to co-sign on a loan for me and put the money down as long as he can get off the loan when the divorce decree is final. But now, he's saying he needs to know how co-signing will affect his responsibilities in the Agreement. I think he's stalling. Been saying that for over two weeks. Says his attorney is working it out with mine. Mine says his attorney is "working on it." I've chosen the car I want. Got the dealership down to a good price. They are holding the car for me. And still, no action. The more I check on things with my attorney, the more it costs me.

How is he going to get off the note, after the decree is final? You won't have any credit built up in that short amount of time. You won't be able to refi the car. Are you working now? Is he going to make the payments or give you enough money to pay it off? What is he driving around in? All of it will be considered marital debt., I believe - even if you do it now. Technically you are still married.

Take his car and use it.

Oh and as far as attorney's are concerned - it's common for them to charge for questions etc. That's just the way it goes. Hopefully, you can get him to pay your attorney fees. As long as your not asking silly questions to your attorney - they are worth every penny. Don't be afraid because something might cost you a little bit if you get even more in the end.

Apparently, he can get off the note and I can refinance. I already have a good credit rating so that shouldn't be a problem I have not been able to find a job quite yet. Not even a call back, but still trying. He will be making the down payment as well as the car payments. The car payments are included in the alimony. He's driving a Saab. He and my daughter, who lives 15 miles away from him, are sharing it! Crazy.

Since he does not have to pay legal fees for his attorney(was appointed to him by his employer as a benefit)I think he should pay half of mine. My attorney agreed.