PU that is what a Narcissist does. He knows exactly what this ignoring does to you. He is sitting somewhere gloating over the fact he has a way to get at you. This is why I said study Narcissism and try really hard not to take what he does to heart. Mine got so bad I would just laugh at the stunts he tried pulling on me. I laughed after I took care of the problem he caused with my health insurance, the problems they caused me at the bank. I didn't laugh when he caused me a three year problem with our daughter. I laughed when he had to send me that huge check because he tried to cause me financial harm and I had to take him back to court.

You will either cry your way thru this or laugh. I laughed thru most of the problems he caused me for 6 years post divorce. My dad would say I laughed all the way to the bank.

A Narcissist is one of the worst people you can marry. They don't want you but will try to keep you on a string. He is trying to get whatever attention he can from you even if it's bad attention. They feel entitled to do whatever they want to get rid of you or annoy the hell out of you to get a response. Send any correspondence directly to the mediator and let her take care of it. Now that you are agreeing to what he wants he can afford to ignore you.

You have to get thick skinned to deal with this man. Don't take anything he does personal. Keep in mind your goal and that is to get yourself free from him. The only reason I came thru my divorce so well was I knew him better than he knew me. I bet you know your stbx better than he thinks he knows you. I can tell you that managing to divorce a Narcissist will make you so much stronger.

I mean you would think he is OVER the moon since he gets to move on with his new life with the new chickie. Gets to start all over. Isn't he supposed to be happy? This is not have HAPPILY IN LOVE people act. He's getting his divorce; he has gotten rid of the root of all of his problems. So, shouldn't he be joyous? Shouldn't he just be moving on and not bothering to be petty. This is not how happily in love people act. Why isn't he happy? If he's found the love of his life, so fertile and abundant, providing him with a new family to rival the Duggars, then why is he bothering to jab at the shell of the woman he is leaving?
I smell something because sweetie, this is not how a man who is getting his dreams act. He should be jumping for joy. He got rid of the devil. He now has his new love and life...Ah..I think the grass on the other side may be starting to turn a little brown...much like his teeth

Trish9054, I have taken your advice and have started researching narcissists. I do not let on to him that he is getting to me. For our last and final view of each other, last week, I walked out and didn't look back. I continue to address my correspondence to him and the poor mediator because that is what we agreed to and frankly, if I start ignoring him and addressing her, he'd know he is getting to me. So, I have just ignored him. But, as you can see it still gets to me; how I wish it didn't but I am working on it.
I know he is jabbing at me and hurting me on purpose. I am just saying, you know what if he were truly that happy with his newfound life, he won't give a crap about me. He'd be blissful and he's not. So, I feel a little better because all of his jabs are an indication THAT HE IS MISERABLE AND I AM GETTING UNDER HIS SLIMY SKIN. I am not reacting the way he wants. You're right. I should laugh a little. I wanted to write in my email: and remember, we must, must, must speed this up..

No, you have to remember that an N only loves himself. What he's done to you he will do to her. As bad as it hurts he never loved you. He had a use for you and that is not love. My ex got vindictive after the divorce because he lost a valuable possession. That is all I was. A possession that handled three retirement accts. Arranged to sell and buy our trucks and houses. I cared for his horses and our children. His, mine and ours. To understand this you need to do some reading and believe what you read.

I've said this on here but not in a while. The ex was about thru a divorce when I met him. I didn't know until the divorce was over. He wasn't from my little town. When the divorce was final he grabbed at me (we were dating) and wanted to marry. I didn't find out about the wife until a month later. When I divorced him he was in a real bind because he wasn't expecting a divorce at all. He was dropping the Chinese woman and as soon as I had him served he gathered her back up and she is still with him. She doesn't know but I can see his track record. He cheated on her before she ever got into the states. They are despicable people and they cause so much harm. They never acknowledge the harm they have done.

I know you are right, Trisha9054 but how I WISH he were miserable. It would make my suffering make sense. But I know deep down that he doesn't care about me and is probably mad that he has to pay $ for the divorce and I am not so intimidated that I am tucking my tail between my legs and run. He has a natural mean streak and he is bullying me. The good news is THAT I ACT AS COOL AS POSSIBLE IN ANY INTERACTION WITH HIM. That I know bugs him or the very least throws him off a bit. He's mean. he is doing it to be vengeful, getting his last kicks in. But I do stick to my guts, narcissist or not: if he' is so blissful, found the new love of his life and sailing off into the sunset, he won't still be acting so miserable. But of course, that's it, he's miserable! Always will be and that does make me feel a little better.

I'm sorry, it hurts and it sucks, but he's just an immature, underdeveloped, selfish and self centered excuse for a human and is pitching a fit because he's not getting his way. It's really sad, but it's not about you. It's all about him, always has been, always will be.

As hard as it, my recommendation is to stop trying to figure him out, stop trying to guess or understand what's going on in his head. It won't change a thing, even if you get it right, and it will continue to damage you whether you get it right or not. What's happening inside him is no longer your concern, no longer your problem (unless you continue to make it your problem) and no longer your business.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure my wasband out, and he was still telling me he loved me, was working to save our marriage, and really trying to get sober and stay that way for us!! And it was still futile.
Your husband is abusing you, openly lying and trying to hurt you. Please stop giving him power over you.

Worrying about his behaviors, his thoughts, what he's doing, not doing, or going to do or not do, things you have NO control over, continues to give him power over you. You can't change his behavior, but you can start to stop letting it drive you to distraction. Focus on what you can control. Your reactions, your self care, your career and lifestyle choices, etc.

And yes, I know it's easier said than done. And yes, I know you are already starting to do this. I just want to keep encouraging you and reiterating what you must know by now.... there will be no useful answers, and the healthiest thing is to cut your losses, cut contact with him, and start working on what you want, how you're going to get there, and how will you move forward and take care of yourself from here on out.

Lastly, like you've heard here before.... he doesn't hate you nearly as much as he hates himself. He's just to sick and damaged to know it. Say a prayer of thanksgiving that you don't have to live with that inside of you. It may help you choose compassion and, someday, forgiveness towards him.
Big hug on the way.

What is imore mportant is that he acknowledges time to pay up the settlement! When you survive this divorce mess on steroids, you will eventually be kissing your freedom laughing you least " GOT AWAY".

Yeah Trisha, is right on point. Let me help you understand PU: Your stbx needs for you NOT TO EXIST physically as he wants you to be eliminated from off the face of earth!!!@ To get rid of; to be remove /or silenced. Some countries go to great lengths at silencing perceived potential threats if you know what I mean. Better yet, your stbx wants to create a world of existentialism come high water for himself. It means, he has little/no good will for others he cannot further use who might prevent his future. Once again, that is your clue to RUN!

Good comments by all.

PU, I really can't add to what the others have said. I know it's a hard ask when it's early days and you're still in the thick of the negotiations, but it really will bring you to a peace and understanding if you can accept this is how he is. Why he's like that, you could ask till you're blue in the face and still not know the answer. He's revealed his true self, and you're lucky to be getting free of a man like him.

You may continue to return to the 'why' from time to time, but I assure you that one day you'll realise you haven't asked that question for a day or so, and from there, the time between will get longer and longer. You don't need to know why he's like that. What you need so much more is to find yourself and work out who you are, what you want your new life to look like, and start spending precious time on your own wellbeing.

The person I'm seeing at the moment says that the people in our lives are there to teach us something. When we've learned the lesson, or when it is time to learn the lesson, they go. What is it this man is teaching you? What is the lesson in this horrid experience that will make you a still more loving and compassionate person?

love and hugs
kamary

I agree with Trish. N do not love anyone but themselves. It is a hard pill to swallow because even though we knew it in our gut, we didn't want to believe it. Once I accepted it, and it took awhile to get through the denial, and grieved it, it was easier to see. But it also helped the anger go away because then it really wasn't about me that he left. It was always about him. That is where the true freedom is! Letting go of the dilusion and the loss of the dream. Once you can grieve that, it is a much easier road in the future, because then you never do the "what if's" anymore. They are no longer relative.

Big hugs

He is not addressing you for the exact reason you are here asking us for advice.

He does it to get another little jab at you. He probably wants you to think he is past you, forgotten who you are. But to me the fact tat they go to such great lengths to erase us means they spend time thinking about us.

I have found that the father of my children will try to push my buttons.

I am much farther out than you are so no I am able to take a minute and ask if I react who is winning.

Normally the answer is, yep he got me again. Don't show him any reaction, and ignore ignore ignore

thanks guys. the rollercoster emotions are getting to me again. The matter of fact nature of the emails, ignoring me, make me feel lesser than. I know I shouldn't but it's a kick. Yes, I really hope to get to true acceptance. I am not there but I am getting there. I am not happy that lately I have been entertaining fantasies that he will return and be sorry for what he has done. But I am taking it in stride. I say to myself that this must be another stage of the process. Heartbreak and heartburn, my two life companions. I think I may also be entering into the depression phase because I just want to crawl into bed. Everything is starting to feel bad. I know I should be focusing on my dissertation but I am so distracted. I have begun to really worry about my future. The nagging doubts are creeping in. I just feel so tired and sad. I am hoping to remember that these are just feelings and they will change or at least pass. Everyday I open the email, I see another matter of fact letter about me, not addressing or acknowledging me. I am resolved thought that when I make it through this, I will keep my heart open. I will not be distrustful of the next man. I will try.

PU, it's ok to have the sad times. If you let yourself feel it properly, you'll heal more quickly. I hope you have the time to give yourself a couple of hours and let yourself cry and feel scared. Let it all go through your mind and really be with it. Then it will clear away and you'll be able to address yourself to your studies again.

Is it possible to ask your attorney not to forward copies of his emails unless it's absolutely necessary? If he just keeps asking her to hurry, do you really have to see those emails?

Chase those doubts away, dear. You're going to be just fine. Remember what is going on with those emails is meant to cause you to feel this way. Don't let him win.

love and hugs
kamary

Oh, Kamary, I haven't met you but you have become a lifeline. Thank you, my friend. Unfortunately, I have to be party to the emails because we are in mediation and it affects me. Right now, we are negotiating what will happen with me getting the car. He has to fix the starter, clean it out and I have to get the title in my name. He mentioned I will have to get new plates and of course, insurance. It's overwhelming to not only think about it but to see how very glibly he is dispensing with me. It's just hitting me like a ton of bricks. The marriage is over. The man I once loved so purely and still do is not who I thought he was. He may have never loved me (or if he did, he hasn't in a long time.) He's fifteen minutes away from me but he has chosen to abandon me. It's a choice. Intellectually, we know what they have done but still, we have to live and grieve it. Today, I tried doing some dissertation work and I just starting crying so much. I was thinking if I finish this, he won't be there. This was what we had in common. He's gone. he's gone. He has been gone for a long time. The sadness is debilitating. I am feeling it and living through it. No matter what happens, life has changed. He's gone and I am on my own. Not only that, the WAY he did it has been so abusive and heinous that he has left me picking up the pieces on so many fronts: its not just the loss of what I thought was my soul mate. It's now the death of my marriage. It's the infidelity. It's abandonment. And it's cruelty and now, it's she might be pregnant and he might be getting married in a couple of months. I am grateful for my strength, my family, the people on this board and my God. What else can be said? I am living an actual nightmare. Its like someone else's life. But thank you guys, you are a lifeline.

His life is the only one that concerns him. When my ex got the divorce notice he did not call me, he called his brother (who is an attorney) and asked if the papers were REAL! He didn't even bother t ask me, I didn't count.
To this day he has never talked too me about why I divorced him because he knows he did nothing wrong. He tells others I divorced because of money he didn't make enough! He is so sick