Today is what would have been our 34th anniversary.  it made me a little sad, but I've already lived through eight anniversaries without him, so it's no big deal any more. What really still makes me very sad is the loss of "our family".  The trigger today is that I had dinner at my good friend and her husband's home and their adult daughter, SIL and new grandson were there visiting for the Christmas holidays. They were very much enjoying being an extended family together.  Talking about planning a family vacation.  It made me sad because I will never have that.  Thankfully, I have good relationships with both of my adult children, but they each live far away from each other and from me, so it's usually me visiting one or the other, but no real time as a family.  I miss that very much.  Family has always been the most important thing to me.  So even though I have good individual family relationships, I don't have an intact family.  Maybe to some, it's not a big deal, but to me, it makes a difference. The sense of loss is still so keen. Of course, I try not to dwell on it and do my best to focus on the many blessings I have in my life, but still....the deep down sense of loss is still there, and quite likely always will be.  All of my friends are fortunate to still be married to their original spouses and enjoying their adult children/grandchildren together.  I can't help at times to feel sad about it.  it is what it is and I'm not expecting a solution.  Just venting my thoughts and feelings.