Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

So my kids wouldn't come see me because my ex

movingon46
movingon46
I did my drug test through the court and I made her get one too. I was clean so was she but at this point they still believed their mother over me. I tried for over a year and a half for them to come see me and two of them saw me about a third of the time but the other two never when it was my time. So I called the guardian every time and she kept telling me to call the police and they would go over to the house and read the riot act to my KIDS. I told her I was not going to call the cops on my own children but if the cop wanted to read the riot act to my EX then I will call them, just leave my kids out of it and the guardian said that the cops just talk to the kids. Mind you my oldest daughter was suicidal while I was in the house with all of them including the ex and when I was forced out the judge put my oldest daughter back in the house with the mother that made her suicidal in the first place. I told him, the guardian and her attorney that that particular child will go back to the mental hospital and within three months she did. I then called the guardian and asked WTF were my kids still in the house with that woman and why isn't she doing something about it. Nothing was ever done. My oldest daughter moved in with me after her mother took her door off of the frame with a drill (I always told my kids that if the drama gets to be to much just go to your rooms and watch tv or listen to the radio). After moving in with me she was off of her psych meds in 6 weeks, she passed her last two high school classes online to get her diploma (not her GED as her mother claimed it would be) and at the end of our lease where we were 10 minutes from the other kids and after a year and a half of me asking them to come over and I will pick them up, I told my oldest daughter enough is enough let's move to Florida.

So we did, she is in college now in Florida and I have the best job I have ever had down here and we both have never been happier (I call my kids every day, I leave a message if they don't answer that phone to let them know I love them,)

I am in the process now of going through our state legislature in South Carolina for a "Father's Bill of Rights" to be passed.

I actually had an attorney tell me that I would be better off leaving the country than getting a divorce in SC.
CowgirlKathi
CowgirlKathi
Your X is a nutcase and I would strongly encourage you to keep any contact with her to an absolute minimum! I am glad to hear that your move to Florida is working out well for you and your daughter.
movingon46
movingon46
I only respond to her attorney now. The information that was asked from me I faxed/mailed to her attorney. In the beginning of the divorce I told her "if you are willing to be cordial I will respond cordially, she couldn't even do that for 24 hours. My daughter has never been as happy as she is now. I am very happy as well, I just wished that family court judges would actually pay attention to adolescent therapist and their depositions stating that the kids would be better off with their father instead of their mother, I had three of them. At least my other daughter gets out of the house in June and she is headed off to college as well. I hate seeing my kids live in fear that's why I stayed in it as long as I did. I was the buffer between her and the kids and now it's been removed. If one of my kids commits suicide I will own Greenville County.
MNMama
MNMama
I don't know how I would deal with things if my child were in a situation like that. I'm praying your children are resilient, and once through to adulthood, get out of the craziness and begin to thrive. It sounds like your eldest is doing just that! What a blessing.
Glad to hear the new home and job are treating you well. Soak up some warmth for us up north, OK?
movingon46
movingon46
I am soaking up the warmth for you guys, it's 83 degrees right now. : ) I just need to get them out of the house. My oldest daughter is doing amazingly well, the best she has ever been ever. I am just trying to be in touch every day with the kids to let them know that I love them and I talk to them about college coming soon and fun stuff. I try to pick up their spirits as much as I can. The main goal is to get them out of the house. My second daughter leaves in June for college, my son is out in '17. I just feel really bad for my 12 year old daughter and I pray for her daily. She is stuck for quite some time.

Thanks for all the kind words and prayers : )
missd12932
missd12932
You sound like a wonderful father. I will say a prayer for your youngest daughter.
kamary
kamary
So good to hear your daughter's doing well. You are a good dad. Your other kids will know you're there. I think it's a dreadful thing when the government departments get it wrong. They're put in place to protect the kids which is a good thing, but sometimes they get it so wrong. I'm glad you're able to keep in touch with them on a daily basis. Knowing you're there will make all the difference for them.

I'll pray for you and your kids, too.

love and hugs
kamary
PsiChi
PsiChi
They figure it all out in time. Truth will always prevail.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
If your youngest daughter is old enough, she can decided where she wants to live. Judges usually listen to children. In Canada they take that seriously. Talk to your lawyer about this. Hugs
startingover2011
startingover2011
So glad you and your daughter are doing well. Your youngest, depending on the state, may be old enough to choose which parent to live with. My youngest was 15 at the time of the divorce and could totally choose.

My dh had to fight for 2 years back in 1997 to get custody of his 3 sons (at the time ages 4, 14 and 15). (And, in 1997, it was almost unheard of for a father to get full custody.) His ex was mentally ill (drugs, alcohol), but it took THAT long for DHS to figure out she wasn't a good parent, so she had sole custody for 2 years while the divorce was going on. My dh even risked going to jail when his 4 year old asked him not to take him back to his mother as "things weren't good there". The courts just don't always seem to "get it". Not ALL mothers are good mothers. Thank goodness your children have YOU and best of luck getting that bill passed!

HUGS,
SO
crushedinboston
crushedinboston
great post. i'm glad to read this.
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