Welcome here, raymondsingh. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm glad you're looking for a counsellor and I hope you find one soon. Do you have friends or family who will be there for you, too? I had a wonderful doctor who was willing to listen for a few minutes, too.

Take care of yourself, do whatever you have to do to stay as healthy as you possibly can be (you say you're not in the best of health), eat well, take walks if possible, walk barefoot outside sometimes.

Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come up for you. It's very important to let them out.

I'm glad you have your daughters and your granddaughter and they will be glad they have you. They need you very much. Be there for each other, and if possible, take them to counselling as well.

Every night when I went to bed, I used to listen to peaceful music during the early days - meditation music and instrumental relaxing music. If I woke during the night, I'd turn it on again. Later, I used natural herbs to relax and go to sleep.

What you're going through is the natural feelings we experience after such a thing happens.

Keep talking here. You're in a good place.

love and hugs
kamary

Kathi is right, get a lawyer asap!!! I fully understand that you are in pain and that perhaps you feel that you just want to make it through each day right now and NOT deal with the realities of your situation. However, reality has a strange and cruel way of kicking you in the BUT if you ignore it!

Please look out for your own best interests and start legal proceedings. The legal part is a necessary evil and part of the process. But it WILL need to get done! If you are ill and can't work, then somebody has to support you..not sure if that's her? She's younger and maybe well enough to work so that means that she'll have to contribute to your lifestyle I think!

Good luck with next steps, and keep working on your personal healing...it's very,very tough at the beginning. We all know that here - you are among friends! Best

I am new here too and I am so sorry your going through this I was married 32 years so I know the shock you are feeling. It is truly horrible but your not alone. I thought we would be married forever I never imagined I would be alone at my age. I was with him since I was 17 so I am really lost. This is a process and your in a place of shock right now. It will last a while just try to take care of your health if you can. Your whole reality just shifted it takes a long time to process it. Were here for you.

Sorry you are here try your best to take care........

Raymond, I'm so very sorry that you are going through this. 30 years is a very long time, and it's hard to wrap your head and heart around the fact that someone you loved and trusted so completely could just walk away. Sadly, it's an epidemic. Every week, more and more men and women find their way to this forum, and this is just one of many. You are among friends here. We've all been through what you are now going through. You've already received a lot of great advice. Just know that we care and that you are never alone.

It does get better, and easier, as time goes by. Hugs to you.