Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
The thought has occurred to me on more than one occasion that there is a wealth of wisdom, lessons learned, life history and stories, and strength among the men and women of this forum. Divorce is a pervasive problem. We have all struggled with the many terrible and surprisingly wonderful aspects of living through it. I believe in my heart that the stories and advice and wisdom shared here would be of tremendous benefit to others who, tragically, must walk this path.
As some of you may know, I'm a writer. It's a part of me that began when I was a child and has only gotten stronger as I get older. Some of my work has been published. I'm currently working on another book project. But, this idea has been circulating in my mind for a while, and I wanted to put it out there and see if any of you might be interested in coauthoring a book, a collection of heartfelt stories, advice, wisdom, and humor on what it's like to survive divorce after so many years of marriage. This would be a truly collaborative effort. And, as any of you who journal already know, there is healing power in putting down in words the things you feel and have endured. If any of you has read "The Help" you are familiar with a book told from the perspective of many different points of view. I envision this book being very similar in format.
We each have a unique story to tell, even though much of what we've experienced is the same. That's the beauty of it. I learn new things every day that I visit this forum. It's a powerful elixir of shared experience and unique approaches and perspectives that collectively demonstrate courage, fortitude, kindness, and compassion. I believe it deserves to be shared with others.
To me, there's nothing more beautiful than someone who has gone through hell and emerged on the other side of pain as a whole and vibrant person. Imagine what it would be like for an entire group of people to share their stories. And, it doesn't matter where you are in your journey to recovery. Wherever you are right now is the story that needs to be told because each person out there in the world is in a different place in his/her journey. Each story will resonate with others because either you're in that very place right now or you've already lived through it or you're hoping to get there. In other words, it's all good! :)
I hope each of you will think about it and indicate either here or in a private message if you might be interested. If nothing else, a collection of our stories will have meaning to us. We can treasure our friendship and camaraderie each time we read the stories and remember the love and goodwill shared here. It's also a snapshot in time of where we were when the stories were written so we can look back and see how far each of us has come since then.
Let me know your thoughts!
Kim
As some of you may know, I'm a writer. It's a part of me that began when I was a child and has only gotten stronger as I get older. Some of my work has been published. I'm currently working on another book project. But, this idea has been circulating in my mind for a while, and I wanted to put it out there and see if any of you might be interested in coauthoring a book, a collection of heartfelt stories, advice, wisdom, and humor on what it's like to survive divorce after so many years of marriage. This would be a truly collaborative effort. And, as any of you who journal already know, there is healing power in putting down in words the things you feel and have endured. If any of you has read "The Help" you are familiar with a book told from the perspective of many different points of view. I envision this book being very similar in format.
We each have a unique story to tell, even though much of what we've experienced is the same. That's the beauty of it. I learn new things every day that I visit this forum. It's a powerful elixir of shared experience and unique approaches and perspectives that collectively demonstrate courage, fortitude, kindness, and compassion. I believe it deserves to be shared with others.
To me, there's nothing more beautiful than someone who has gone through hell and emerged on the other side of pain as a whole and vibrant person. Imagine what it would be like for an entire group of people to share their stories. And, it doesn't matter where you are in your journey to recovery. Wherever you are right now is the story that needs to be told because each person out there in the world is in a different place in his/her journey. Each story will resonate with others because either you're in that very place right now or you've already lived through it or you're hoping to get there. In other words, it's all good! :)
I hope each of you will think about it and indicate either here or in a private message if you might be interested. If nothing else, a collection of our stories will have meaning to us. We can treasure our friendship and camaraderie each time we read the stories and remember the love and goodwill shared here. It's also a snapshot in time of where we were when the stories were written so we can look back and see how far each of us has come since then.
Let me know your thoughts!
Kim
Up until last spring, I kept all the correspondence surrounding my divorce in a box under my bed thinking that ONE DAY I would write my OWN story. My attorney kept encouraging me because she said, "This would make a GREAT mini-series!" (and she wanted Candace Bergen to play HER). But as time went on and my healing continued, I no longer felt the desire to put my whole story out there -- at least by myself.
You can count me in, though. I'm always willing to contribute as I think I'm one of the real "long-timers" here and my story has a lot of post-divorce chapters in it. xoxo
Funny you should write about this .
In my journal this morning I wrote about how I'm going to change my attitude and thinking .
I want to think positive.
Anyway , then I red your post and couldn't believe what you wrote . Just what I wrote about ...
KIm, when my wife first left me (7 years ago) I was in really bad shape . My GP set me up as an out patient at the hospital anxiety and behavioral section. It's for people with severe depression and many other mental ..............Oh 'Call it " .challenges . They have an out patient program that I was in and an in house program. You're lock in and don't go home. I went everyday for (I think) 4 or 5 weeks . 5 days a week and about 6 hours a day . That place did wonders for me and many other people . Then I got out and shortly after that had a set back(They don't call it relapse ). I went back again for another week or two . Then I was fine for some time . I don't know what happened after that ..........We got the divorce ..my world feel apart again... I never thought about going back ......... I just got worst and worst.. Wa la..here I am .
I want to mention this to everyone that is going to practice this positive thinking (And it does work !) . You must .Well."I feel" ..you must keep on practicing and refreshing everything ........You can't just read it once and then go on....... Keep reading ,studying it, practicing it ............over and over ..
Keep reading your notes on everything ... I have tons of notes and courses that I took at the hospital . ALL GOOD STUFF........... I'll be digging those out again .
One time ... long before my wife left me .......... I bought all of Anthony Robins (Positive thinking) tapes.
There's very powerful stuff there. And DR. Wayne Dyer tapes and books . All of these are great........
Ask me why I was like I was , if I did all this stuff......... Well... I stopped reading and practicing it... Stop listening to the tapes ..........
Kim............... Thank you so much.......... I think this is going to help many of us .....
And for me ............................... Ya, New Day ................. my choice here......... I'm going to give it my best shot......... Like I said in my journal ................: I'm just tired of letting someone else control my life ..... My feelings............. If I loved them or not ................ It's over and not my fault and I want my life back...... They were the bad ones ........not me ............
The best to everyone today ........... Remember that it is up to you to change your .................thoughts. You can be like I was and lay around all day .............or ............. take your life back...... Take IT , I tried the other way and it only got worst.
My Love to all................. Timeman................... Bob
Interestingly enough, I talked with a friend of mine's son, who has just had an affair and his wife is, as he puts it, "crazy". I was able to share with him that he began disconnecting 2 years ago so he's already processed a "divorce" where it is all news to her. I explained that 85% of her life is all emotional because of his actions and she only had 5% for physical, 5% for spiritual and 5% for mental. It was like an aha moment for him. I was able to share with him the long-term affects of divorce on his 2 small children, how, of course, it's easier to be in love with someone who just tells you how awesome you are but doesn't have to live with you day in and day out, and just a million things I've learned.
I thought it would be hard to talk to him, since my X had an affair and I have processed SO MUCH and healed SO MUCH that all I wanted was for him to get how disastrous what he did was. It made me realize how full-circle I have come. What a revelation.
I want that for everyone on this journey of divorce. You can be a healed, happy, contributing person, and I'd even like to go further and say, this divorce hiccup in your life will truly take you to the joy of your life. It's hard to see now. I SO REMEMBER how it seemed I would be in despair forever, but it didn't take me long to realize I did NOT want to wallow in self-pity and sadness. But you have to grieve, so don't be too hard on yourself. You CAN and WILL overcome in you walk through the journey. That's what the hope I want to share from my story would be. Let me know when you're ready.
This is a fantastic idea and I would love to contribute whatever my experiences and thoughts were when this first happened and the evolution of this process. By the time this is completed I will hopefully have a much to add that is motivational for others. Thank you for offering this opportunity to all of us.
P.S. Even science majors can write :)
Yes, I think using other names is a good idea.
love and hugs
kamary
I know you are working towards a graduate degree in biology - that is why I wrote that - I teach biology now at a high school so we have something in common - besides this awful journey we are on :)
I'm very impressed that you write also - my daughter has a graduate degree in English and wants to write a book but is too busy with her new twins and 4 yr. old. Maybe someday. She was happy about the possibility of me collaborating on a book. I think she is supportive of anything I do that may keep my mind off my sorrows.
Thanks again,
Donna
Then right after the divorce was final he got vindictive for the next six years. He tried his best to cause me financial harm.I spent that six years politely but firmly straightening out the damage he tried to cause me. I lost my daughter from my life for three years of that six. I just kept my eyes on getting this farm and putting one foot in front of the other to make a new life. I'm in.
You are one very strong determined woman. Your story would truly be inspirational! Thanks for all you have written to me - it has made a difference.