The courts give them a few chances to pay and then they are looking at jail time. That means lost jobs and wages. You can't make someone do what they should when they only give lip service. Your ex may not do that. I laughed thru most of what the ex tried to do to me. You either laugh or you cry and most times I choose to laugh. All you can do is make an agreement that favors you as much as possible. Have the non-modifiable clause and cost him more money by having to pay your atty fees. "What if" every thing you know about the ex. You get those covered and you have the advantage. You can't fix stupid and sometimes the other spouse is just going to be stupid or so conceited they believe the court won't touch them. Eventually you will get your money in one huge lump sum. When I took that first back alimony check to the bank I thought the teller was going to cheer out loud. She had been divorced too.

Don't worry about my story because your stbx is probably different from mine. Just quietly be aware when dealing with your stbx and the settlement. Don't be shy about asking your atty. the what if ? about anything you are not comfortable with. Research as much as possible so you have an understanding of the process.

FYI-our agreement was nullified by a judge in July-he said it was one of the most poorly written and unfair thing he had seen.

Wow. Didn't know that could be done. It's a good thing for you though. Is another one being prepared?

It was at my divorce hearing in July-I wasn't held to anything in it. I basically got everything I was entitled to/wanted-haven't actually seen any of it nor am I divorced but being awarded everything was nice.

Hopefully I can get this done soon-been way too long to get a divorce from someone who is living with someone else in another state.

Try to get health benefits extended beyond the divorce if your jurisdiction allows....dental, prescriptions, physio therapy, mental health / emotional therapy, massages etc. ALL cost and it you had spousal benefits during the marriage, do NOT undersestimate how $ these are when you have to foot the whole bill!

My ex would NOT extend me any benefits beyond a few months after the separation agreement, despite repeated attempts by my lawyer to negotiate. Lawyer could NOT understand why he would not provide me this (it cost him ZERO to keep me on as he maintains 'family' benefits for the kids anyway). I figured it all out after he married his ow six months after the SA was signed; in my jurisdiction an ex can not keep benefits post-divorce, only while separated.

Worth a try! good luck

Thanks for the heads up, iammine. Not being able to pay for health care, especially at my age, is a great fear.
I have communicated that to both my financial planner and my attorney. The financial planner is suggesting that I get coverage through the Affordable Care Act, when the divorce is final. Must be a lot cheaper than COBRA. I can be on my husband's policy for a year from when the separation agreement goes into effect.

Goldengirl: My personal rule of thumb when negotiating divorce settlements is to ask for MORE than what you actually anticipate needing. That gives you a starting point and will make the stbx feel like he's getting a better deal if the amount ends up being less. This is the tact my brilliant attorney took from the get-go. However, my now-X was such a total KNOTHEAD that each time he balked, we actually INCREASED the amount of Alimony I was asking for. He ended up paying about $1000 MORE a month than if he would have agreed early on AND he ended up having to pay 100% of my attorney fees.

As to enforcement, like the others said, we all operate out of the assumption that they will do what they agree to. This is why having a clause in any agreement stating that if HE is in default, HE will have to reimburse YOU for any attorney fees is so important. That definitely made mine think twice about stiffing me on any part of the financial settlement (and we went around and around over some Capital Stock which matured 9 months post-divorce). As it ended up, I got my 65% of THAT and didn't have to pay my attorney for the very pointed, one paragraph letter she sent directly to him.

Know what you need and want. Stick to your guns. Remember: when negotiating a settlement, you can only GO DOWN from your original demand. And don't forget to factor in VACATIONS! That's one line item that I had totally left blank and my attorney filled in FOR me -- a generous amount, too.

Ooops! Almost forgot...

The section on Alimony also contained a non-modifiable clause. Our financial settlement agreement was entered into the court record as being a legally binding agreement between myself and the now-X and was NOT modifiable by any court at any time. Very specific language. Very important for you to have included in your documents!

Thanks, Cowgirl. Great strategy. Definitely some things I had not thought of.