Broken-I could have written your words "he was self employed" "I have been the steady one over the years" "now I wish I hadn't supported his every stupid decision". I'm sorry. Go for that second opinion, even more. Find an attorney you trust & are comfortable with. Does stbx have an attorney? If he doesn't, any attorney you have a consultation with can not represent him. That's a side advantage, while you determine the attorney you trust & choose to use, you also take them out of his options. Stay strong!!

after27 brought up a good point. I talked to the best attys in town not realizing the ex couldn't use any of them. then I went out of my area to get the atty. I wanted. One that was respected by every atty in my little town. When he went to get an atty he didn't have much to choose from which fortunately worked in my favor. The women in my Divorce Care sessions would laugh when someone named their husbands atty. He wasn't very good but fairly cheap and all those women had better attys. Guess who my ex chose. Yep the not so good atty.

Self employed? So here's a warning to you for your next relationship! I'm so sorry, your getting stuck like this.

Yes. I am not sure that I will ever put myself back out there, but I am finding there are traits that I know I must avoid. I am making a list. Like I said, not that I am sure I will ever get back out there, but a list is always handy to have.

I also have been guilty of the "it isn't fair" card. And I guess I got lucky because my husband was too stupid to know that he could get 1/2 of my 401k. The HR department at work told me that I had to get him to sign a form stating that he didn't want my 401k. So one night, I called him and told him that I had a form for him to sign taking him off of my medical insurance. He didn't even read it, he signed it and I quietly tucked it in my purse. I told him I wasnt going to pay for him to have medical insuarnce while he was with the OW. Then a few months later when he decided to divorce me apparently his attorney mentioned to him about getting my 401k and cobra insurance. He was unable to get the cobra because the insurance had cancelled for him months earlier and I just lied and told him that I didn't have a 401k savings, he just wanted out and he knew in his heart this was his doing so he didn't push any issues. He was the one in the wrong here. He actually owes me $20,000 but I know that I will never get it and I have pretty much come to the conclusion that it is not worth the fight to get it. However, I do still have a life insurance policy on him for the $20,000 so maybe one day I will get it. That sounds cruel I know, I don't wish anything bad happen to him but he is a addict and gets hurt a lot. It might one day pay off and if it don't at least it gives me some form of comfort now. Maybe one day I will cancel it but I don't feel lead to as of now. It was once worth 55,000 and I felt guilty about that so I decreased it to be the exact amount of the money he owes me in the divorce papers. Everyone's story is different and unfortunantly we all seem to find out somethings once it is too late. Try to keep yourself busy learning as much as you can about the legal stuff and maybe you will even be able to help someone else in the future. It does get better but it is not a over night thing for sure.