Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
My marriage of 23 years has been disintegrating over the last few years. It appears to be on a rapid downward spiral in the last few months. My husband did not go with the kids and me to Thanksgiving at my sister's house. He chose to stay home alone. We basically live like roommates and only talk when absolutely necessary.
On top of our marital problems, my mother-in-law's cancer (which was in remission) has returned. I heard him on the phone, and when I asked about her condition, all he would tell me is that she needs more chemo. I know she is in the hospital (my son told me), but I don't know which one. He leaves to visit her without telling me. My concern is that she must be thinking that we don't care about her. I suggested to my husband that the whole family could go to visit her next weekend, and he said he didn't "see any point in pretending" (I assume he means pretending that we are a family). Whether it is pretend or not, I am more concerned about his mother's feelings and would go to visit her. The kids have not been to see her either, even though my daughter specifically told him she wanted to go.
Would I be overstepping boundaries if I called his mother's long-time boyfriend to find out where she is and if I could take the kids up to visit?
And on a less important topic, what do I do about Christmas cards? I was planning to send to everyone and sign both of our names, but after the "pretend" comment, I'm not sure. No one has filed for divorce yet, but I'm sure one of us will do it eventually.
I appreciate your input.
On top of our marital problems, my mother-in-law's cancer (which was in remission) has returned. I heard him on the phone, and when I asked about her condition, all he would tell me is that she needs more chemo. I know she is in the hospital (my son told me), but I don't know which one. He leaves to visit her without telling me. My concern is that she must be thinking that we don't care about her. I suggested to my husband that the whole family could go to visit her next weekend, and he said he didn't "see any point in pretending" (I assume he means pretending that we are a family). Whether it is pretend or not, I am more concerned about his mother's feelings and would go to visit her. The kids have not been to see her either, even though my daughter specifically told him she wanted to go.
Would I be overstepping boundaries if I called his mother's long-time boyfriend to find out where she is and if I could take the kids up to visit?
And on a less important topic, what do I do about Christmas cards? I was planning to send to everyone and sign both of our names, but after the "pretend" comment, I'm not sure. No one has filed for divorce yet, but I'm sure one of us will do it eventually.
I appreciate your input.
I understand that you might want to talk to her boyfriend beforehand, since I'm assuming the boyfriend sees the MIL regularly. You don't want to be at the hospital at the same time as the ex, and I hope the boyfriend can prevent that from happening.
I posted a topic about holiday cards, and I got some good replies, if you want to read them. I'm thinking about only sending cards to those people I'm close to, since they already know the situation. I'll ignore the other cards until next year, or maybe forever! If those people are once or twice a year "friends" maybe it's time for me to let them go.
((hugs))
Ms Terev - I didn't mean that I would avoid signing his name as a dig. If I chose to sign only my name and the kid's names, the cards would just go to my family and friends.
Zouga - Thanks. I'll look for your post on the cards.