Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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goldengir 03/30/2015

Hello all -

As of last Thursday, our divorce is now final. My ex husband provided a QDRO form from his employer, Wells Fargo, which his attorney(who doesn't do QDROs) filled out and provided to my attorney for approval. My attorney, who doesn't do QDROs, said I need to have it reviewed by an attorney who does QDROs. Is that really necessary if the numbers are correct? Just trying to keep from any additional expense. Money is extremely right now. Help!

KRKing911 03/30/2015

If I were you, I wouldn't mess around with your retirement - pay for the professional to do it.

trisha9054 03/30/2015

Yes, you need a professional for this. It can take some time to get your share into an acct of your own. As soon as the plan gets your QDRO your ex's acct will be frozen until the funds are separsted. The wording has to be correct. I had one of mine sent back but the plan administer told us how to correct it. The QDRO also has to be court approved then mailed off to the plan administrators.

Misred 03/30/2015

Yes, spend the money to have it looked over. You wrote that his attorney doesn't do QDRO's did this one....all the more reason to have it looked at. It must contain specific language in order to be divided the way it was awarded to you in the decree. My lawyer hired one to look over mine because she did not do them either. It was about $400

startingover2011 03/30/2015

Agreed with everyone else. Pay a professional. It's worth it in the long run.

goldengir 03/30/2015

So, did you all go to a different person/attorney to have the QDRO done? Or did your divorce attorneys do it for you?

startingover2011 03/30/2015

I believe the QDROs were done by the company my ex worked for. If not, it was our attorneys.

MNMama 03/30/2015

Congratulations on your finalization. I know that's a weird word, but I was greatly relieved to have reached that point.
Please, what's a QDRO?

Misred 03/30/2015

The company cannot do the QDRO, they can only suggest wording.

Misred 03/30/2015

Sorry MNMama. A QDRO is a Qualified Domestic Relations Order used to divide property, usually retirement accounts

trisha9054 03/30/2015

My Atty doesn't do QDROS but he sent mine to an Atty that did. That Atty had to do four QDROS and sent them to my Atty so he could get them signed by the judge. Only one came back to be corrected.

This is not something to guess at. Too many mistakes over a period of time and the plan administrator could say the QDRO is not valid and you could lose the right to that money. It can take from 6 to 18 months to get theses funds into an acct in your name. That is after the plan administrator approves the QDRO.

lycesq 03/30/2015

Hi. I've worked with QDRO's and stock option orders. i never rely on what the employer or other side prepares. They can include clauses that limit your rights if you are not careful. FYI - I am a family law specialist in California and in practice for 38 years. I've seen everything so protect yourself.

Moscato 03/30/2015

Neither my attorney nor my husband's did QDRO's. We had to pay a third party attorney to do it. But it was arranged by our attorneys. I think it cost about $600 that my husband and I each paid $300.

goldengir 03/31/2015

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences with this. Just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing with no surprises down the road. Appreciate the input!

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