anything i post is not to show I have "hope" of any kind of reconciliation. I do not want or need him. sometimes I just need answers to questions that bother me. It just seems to take forever for this. I know! I know! patience!!!

and I have as yet haven't figured out how to turn off as easily as the ass has. pretty nice to be able to do that. I don't text, call or converse with his daughters about him. I dont talk to his family. I try not to talk to my family even. just on here. so please bear with me if it sounds like I am impatient, curious or just plain bewildered.

I understand it is a process. and it is going as fast as god thinks it should. just sometimes it seems like the ass is better off. wait!! before you yell at me I know my pluses are way more than his. I have so much more than he ever will. and I do not have to text just to appease my conscience. but at least I have one. and it is clear. I never cheated! I never left my family. I always put the family before all else. their happiness was all I needed and still do. I never had to look elsewhere to fill that place in my heart. I trusted. evidently way too much for him.

so your advice is appreciated. some of you have the wise words i need to hear. but just never confuse my posts or comments as hopes it was like it was before the big d started. I love my life now without the lies, confusion, cheating etc etc. too much to put down. lol i am normal and have moments when it just seems so overwhelmingly hard to cope. then "poof" that moment is gone!