Yes, a long hot bath, with scented candles nice glass of wine and Liberace playing the piano. I do that too and I have been separated and divorced 8 years. We are a loving, caring and sensitive women. We cannot change who we are. Yes, we will always look for goodness in all things. But that does not mean we are going to ignore ourselves. Please stop being so hard on yourself. You are still going through that horrible, relentless roller coaster ride. One day that ride will stop. I am happy that I do not have anything to do with that poor innocent ex. Go the no contact as much as possible. If you by any chance you see him, just smile, turn around and walk away. Hugs

OMGosh I could have wrote that! So glad to have mom and family that are supportive near me. Counselling, therapy and reading have helped me climb my way up and move on. Its been difficult but totaly am focused on building me and my esteem back up... Best wishes to you! Lots of hugs :)

Don't be so hard on yourself, my dear. All of us (even us "long-timers" like kamary) have moments or days like this. Every once in awhile my thoughts will go back to 25, 30 years ago and KNOW that it wasn't ALL bad, at least in my case. The downfall of the marriage was the X's inability to look inside of himself and want to fix himself! I couldn't fix him -- we can't fix anyone but ourselves!

As knuckle said, you are still early on in all of this. Two years IS NOT that much time in the scheme of things. The old adage about it taking 1 year for every 4 or 5 years of a relationship to move beyond divorce is absolutely true. It doesn't mean that you have to put your life on hold -- but you do have to keep in mind that this is a process that takes time.

Give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling, but put a time limit on it. As Milmom2 said, counseling or therapy, and reading can definitely help.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
xoxo

When I start ruminating over what he did I try to immediately stop it by talking to God about it. I tell Him something like this: "You know have forgiven the EX and for some reason this is in my head right now. I need your help to stop it...for I cannot do it on my own (Phil 4:13). These things are in the past and I want to forget them so they no longer hurt me and I know that will please you."

It always stops. (((HUGS)))

You definitely need to adopt your sons' way of thinking. Your ex DOESN'T exist...not in YOUR new world. He has no place in it. However, enjoy that alimony. I lost mine due to my ex getting fired and him never working again. It wouldn't have bothered me in the least to have taken that money. I figured it was the least he owed me for the years of mental and emotional abuse I endured.

When I grieve, it comes hard and fast. What I'm finding is, it comes farther apart, and doesn't last as long. Like you said, I climb my way out. Each time I get rolled over by a wave, I learn to ride it a little better. I know it will happen again, I know I'll have a little mope or crying session, and I'll get over it, until the next time. I know I will get stronger and it will get easier each time. You will too.
Take care.

I did it just last night. My kids planned a Birthday dinner for me...yup...he was there. It was fine for the most part but after about an hour or so...we fell right back into our old rolls...you would never have guessed we were divorced twice. We were like two magnets...we played off each other and had everyone in stitches with our stories...crazy! We even sat together during dinner and when it came time to leave...I said...well I better get going...he said...ya...we better get home...lol. He even waited for me at the door and he walked me out...go figure...I think even he forgot. It wasnt until we left in our separate cars that I realized that small hole in my heart...I'm not sure what he felt but it had to be something.

So ya...we all do it but its to a much lesser degree...then logic comes into play...we are divorced for a reason and those reasons are still there...somehow we find a way to put it into its place. Time, patience and self love is the key. You do deserve better and he's not it. So you feel your feelings and allow them to pass through. Keep in mind why you are divorced and remind yourself of all the horrible things he had done. If it gets a bit hard to overcome...get out and go for a hike, a run...anything physical...that really helps to burn of the hurt and clears the mind to think. You will be ok...I'm not sure if it ever goes away completely...its 6 years for me...perhaps since it was a lifetime together and you cant erase memories...its something we will always have to deal with from time to time...even if you move on into another relationship I think it will still come from time to time...how could it not...especially if you had children together...you are forever tied through them...Big Hugs...Kathy

Not a lot of great answers from me, but I can at least say,"Yes, it's so normal" and it happens even after what has felt like a period of great strength and contentment. As everyone says, our marriages were very long-term relationships - the better part of our adult lives, so we can't expect to just wash our hands of them and the emotions tied to them so quickly. Hang in there and look up from that pit of despair! There's light at the top if you can crawl out of the pit. smiles and hugs.

MNMAma took the words right out of my mouth.
It does get less and less , but unfortunately for me it really never
ended . My x left me 8 years ago and I still have those eposodes of
crying (More like just tears) and sadness . I just except that's the way its going to be.
My problem is lately I've been having dreams about her and I wake up feeling bad for
a while..
you'll be OK......
Take care and God bless.
Timeman

There WAS good! We just need to concentrate on what was bad to help us get through. Time and healing should help us all to reconcile that indeed there was good with all the hurt and sadness in the end. It does take time though. I struggle with this and I know my kids do too. Sometimes when me and the boys reminisce we sort of talk about things like....almost like the ex wan't there. It's really weird. And in fact we DON'T reminisce and tell childhood stories etc. as much as we did when we were an intact family....the dynamics of divorce changes that.

That is something I miss. The free flow of just being okay to talk about the past like it was....happy. Guess there's still too much paint there for all of us to do that. My 20 year old son saw some family photos when he was home at Christmas and started to cry. Says it all really. And it's been three years!

pain not PAINT.....sort of a Freudian slip there, having to PAINT over the past lol!

I would one day like to write at least ONE post on this forum without a darned typo! one can dream....

timeman I have had 2 dreams of exass and remember every detail. If you believe in dream interpretation, the last one signified prosperity for me. One part signified running. (he was running toward me) As in wanting to run from what I'm going through. Ya think?

Prosperity? I will take. It can knock at my door any time soon. lol