Hugs my friend. Nothing, absolutely nothing. Just putting up some Christmas decorations and that is it. Maybe my son will pop over with his family. Maybe my daughter will be here, if she is not working. I miss my mother and what she did for Christmas but that is it. There will always be three people in the room with me. Me, myself and I. I will not feel alone.

My daughter will be here for Thanksgiving with the kids. They spend Christmas at their home. It's hard to keep up traditions for just me. There will be no tree and I doubt I cook anything special. I'm ok with not having the tree and presents. I count my blessings everyday and love where I live and what I do. Holidays are no longer that special. Farm work still has to be done and horses fed.

Trisha,hugs my friend. You are right. Holidays are just another day for me too. Canadian Thanksgiving, I was alone, even though I knew my son had his in-laws over. They live about 6 miles away. It would have taken them 10 minutes to get me. Oh well, Christmas will be the same. I might have the tree up just in case my son brings my granddaughter over.

Holidays remind me of the family I lost. My mom died during our divorce, my dad died young, I lost one of my daughters who chose sides, my 2 brothers both moved on in life while I stagnated, trying to survive. I divorced an abusive husband, not the entire family. My n-laws were part of 'my family', or so they said, for over 35 years. I had thought some of them had built up some type of friendship after that long.....but all of them, every single one of them, never asked me why or talked to me after I filed for divorce. In fact, all of them helped my ex (supported him emotionally, financially and legally since his brother was an attorney) and dissed me. I went from being 'loved' to being "despised" in one day. I went from very well off to destitute and stayed in a women's shelter.
I thought divorce was between 2 people, my husband and me. I was so naive. I never realized my divorce included families and friends, some who took sides or some who were just uncomfortable.
I am sorry for babbling, but it never occurred to me I would be spending holidays without 'family', alone. But then, holidays do not mean anything to me anymore. It is just another day. I have never even received a holiday card or birthday card since I filed. When my MIN died and we were separated , my name was not included in the obit at all. Her grandchildren were born to her son by immaculate conception I guess. I feel as though I never existed. The irony, is that my younger daughter, whom I love with all my heart and my brother, still invite my ex to Thanksgiving and Xmas celebrations at their homes, whereas his family pretend I never existed. With the PTSD, I am unable to be around my ex without having a panic attack. I am frightened of him still.
OMG, this is the first year it has hit me so hard. I am so sorry for taking it out on all of you.
Thanks for the hugs.....

Holidays. Ugh. The past couple of years have been blah, it was just a big fake between my ex and me, so glad that stress is gone. He didn't bother to get me a present last year, but I got him something, I thought it was good to show some civility and kindness. This is my first year, but I think I'll have my kids on the days themselves (TDay and Xmas) then they'll see their dad at a later time or day. Because the kids are older teens, and have part time jobs in a restaurant, T-day has kept them busy working the last couple of years, so I've gotten used to a new kind of T-Day. We do an early meal, it'll be a brunch with turkey and breakfast foods. Christmas morning they want to be at our house. They don't really feel comfortable at their grandmothers (where dad is mooching) but they do want to spend some time there. They always want to come back here, home is where the heart is, isn't that what they say. For now. Once they're out of college and have families of their own, that'll be another transition. If they were little and suddenly had their holiday celebrations abruptly changed, that would be tough to handle. I think my brother and his wife will invite us over to see their (little) kids at some point during the holiday season, and my boys do enjoy being around them. That's a tradition that would be hard to give up, the rest of my siblings are pretty wacky and my parents both passed. Happy holidays to all, I hope everyone can find some peace and joy in their new lives.

I've had 4 years to adjust to the changes that divorce brings - the smaller gatherings, sharing my adult kids, the missing old traditions. It's easier each year, but I try to count the good that I still have in my life - my 89 year old mom is still with us and still sharp. I have grown closer to my adult nieces and nephews and my sister. But overall the gatherings are smaller not only because of my divorce but life in general - kids have significant others and sometimes go to their houses, or people have died - sadly. Life is never a constant and year to year things change.
This year Thanksgiving will be at my nieces house and my kids will come after their dad's early dinner. Luckily he accommodates our family schedule. (he still has guilt years later!)
Christmas is at my house. I look forward to the last long vacation at home my daughter will have. She is a senior in college and next year will be working full time at a hospital in another state so I'll never again have her home for a few weeks at at time. That's a very tough realization. Next year Christmas might involve travel for me instead of the usual traditions....
All the best to each of us as we adjust to a different reality year after year. Gratitude must be found in tiny things - the taste of pie, the beauty of a song, a phone call with a friend. or a conversation virutally on this forum. hugs and love to all.

jljlost - I am so pissed at your ex in-laws. Why do people have to act so hateful. Have you ever reached out to them? Sure, it might seem awkward, but you're right, they didn't have to turn their love into hate. Sorry for that..... hugs to you.

Last year I had my ex FIL to Christmas - he is one of my favorite people and he told me he missed my family Christmas celebrations. I was tickled!

I have mixed feelings at the holidays. I don't especially look forward to them, but when the day comes, I usually enjoy the time spent with family. I still miss the holidays with our nuclear family, but it's not too bad. I live states away from any family so if I want to spend the holidays with them I must travel which gets to be expensive and a hassle at times. But my they all live in generally the same area so it makes sense for me to go to them. My two adults kids live far away too so I don't always get to spend holidays with them both. Nevertheless, I try and enjoy and make the best of the holidays and reflect on the true meaning and significance of them. But when January rolls around, I'm glad they're over.

Holidays are hard, I'm almost 4 years out, lost my mother and then my ex husband within just a few months of each other. It was harder having him walk out on me then my mothers passing. How sad is that?
This year I stayed home alone for Thanksgiving and was ok because I had prepared myself for it. I'm cooking the full dinner tomorrow so maybe that is why today was ok.
Tomorrow would have been our 10th wedding anniversary so it made me a bit blue today but I think being so busy tomorrow, I probably won't give it much thought. We don't share kids together (2nd marriage for both) so that isn't an issue with us. I do miss his kids but we've lost all contact with each other, probably for the best. I need to buck up and just enjoy my day tomorrow. Things sure have changed these past few years. My mom is gone, my husband is gone, my kids now celebrate with their significant other families, even my brother who always spent this day with us made other plans this year.
I know holidays are hard for most of us, so lets just put on our happy face and enjoy them as best as we can. I for one have lots to be thankful for and I try and be mindful of those blessings but I'm with Moscato, always glad when they are over. Take care everyone!!!

Pam and I both lost our spouses and parent at the same time, almost 4 years out..it’s getting easier now. My son came over with his “wife” although they’re not married they’ve been together for 7-8 years or so, they brought my grandson he’s 3 months old now, my daughter cooked a big turkey dinners she’s 20 and still lives with me as she’s in school and also working as a veterinary assistant..the kids chose to spend holidays with me and not their mom, her choices helped them make their choices, sometimes I wonder if she’s happy with cheating and leaving, she sacrificed a lot. If I didn’t get to spend holidays with my kids and grandson I know I’d be depressed..but we’re no contact for years now which is for the best. Happy holidays to everyone..! I’m very grateful for what I do have. The first year or 2 was very painful but it’s definitely getting better.

Thanksgiving came and went at my house. My youngest was here with the little girl and boy. We had to cook got the little girls dairy allergies and I cooked for me. I made the mistake of asking little boy would he visit this summer. If he wanted to go home I would immediately take him home. They live three hours from me. My daughter informed me she would never let the kids stay with me because I've been in the ER a couple of times. One Christmas a bale of hay came down wrong and I sprained my wrist. The next time was a strained knee. I only get to see the kids about three times a year. If they come next year that's ok. If they quit coming that's ok with me too. Holidays are for families and I don't really have a family any more

Trisha.....my heart goes out to you. I feel the same way. When I was young and my kids were babies, I pictured all of us together during the holidays, a happy family. Like the ones you see on TV. Never in my wildest dreams did I picture reality would be so different.
Lots of HUGS

Yougospam
I, too, lost my husband, my mom and my oldest daughter in the same year. Holidays will never be the same. My daughter was born on Xmas and that makes it harder. You have a great attitude. I wish you the best for the New Year.

Big Hugs to everyone who is struggling this holiday season. Its going to be a tough one for me as well. This will be the first year where there will be no family. Both of my kids will be away so its just me and my 2 dogs. Ive decorated my outside and inside tree but thats it. I probably won't bother cooking for just myself. Aarrgg! I'm feeling like a fish out of water this year.

It could be worse. Spending Xmas with your ex without your dogs.
It just never occurred to me that divorcing a husband could change the dynamics of the entire family.
You and your loving dogs have a great holiday. Better then an ex any time!