Chrissy I admire you strength and resolve! I have resorted to emailing him alot and when he calls for the girls I engage him in conversation I think to ease the lonliness. It only makes it harder yet I keep doing it!

Many hugs to you!!

Chrissy, you are doing well. I need to also go that route. Mine doesn't want to talk to me anyway, only wants to talk to the kids. It's me that holds on.

It is hard! I know now that it was the best thing to do. I resisted doing it big time! I'm coming out of denial and really seeing the relationship in a different light. I didn't realize how manipulative he was. I was very brainwashed! For me, I imagine, it was like withdrawal from cigarettes or drugs. He really is toxic to me. I can see it now.

I held onto so many myths and ideals that just weren't working.

Good luck and if you need someone to text or call, you can call me!

Good for you, Chrissy. Of course it's hard. You had someone in your life that you shared everything with. And then not only are they gone physically, but now they are gone emotionally and every other way. The no contact rule wasn't hard for me at first because I didn't want to talk to him and he had hurt me so badly, but when he wanted back in my life, that's when it was hard to set the boundaries. You don't heal until you have the distance. Hugs my friend.

Chrissy: I only contact him about money. I ignore most of his calls. It takes time but it's so much easier on me if I don't have any contact with him. I've been going through this for over a year now and time really does help. Each day you can stay away from him makes you a tiny bit stronger. Hugs to you.

Good for you..in some circles this is called going dark. One thing that can happen when you do this is you may think about him more, that will pass. It will help you concentrate more on your self and your needs. It will build your self confidence that you can and do not need him to make decisions or do things.

With nothing to contact each other about I will may never have to deal with my ex again. For some this is enviable, sometimes I think it makes it easier, and other times I think it is harder. I have no buffer, with no one to relate information I just dread hearing anything about him, as it probably will be something like he is with someone else.

Just say strong and tell yourself that you will wait 15 minutes before you contact him about anything. I emailed a lot with my stbx and I often waited 24 hours and reread what I wrote before I hit send... You can do this!

Hang tough sister and we will struggle along. I really find my old self this past weekend. On the board I saw my description as laughing and always having fun. Wow the people around me here would not know me by that description. My mind and energy is always going yet I am never around anyone and can't work. Really lose your self worth and forget who you are. I only go out of the house once or twice a week. No one to go out with and the only phone calls are from kids and grands.
I really did not know how I could ever say no to him to stop coming around and move on. He is a good man but marriage ended 7 years ago.
He is just selfish and unwilling to work or give emotionally. I knew I was miserable and resentful. I did not like who I was with him. After he moved out that bickering stopped and we have still did for each other but only friendly conversations No talk of our marriage.
This weekend and through talking I realized (with much of Kristeen's help) I had to do something as I am just wasting another half year of my life. She made me see you do not have to be or feel like you are the bad guy to say ENOUGH! All the way home I was so strong in my spirit to tell him to leave and not come back. He said he did not to see us breakup after 25 years so I wavered slightly. He said no to counseling. He started to make plans for us to do something this coming weekend with grand kids I said NO no contact or friendly acts . As he left I said you can call me only if you want to come to talk about US. Thought I would be estranged from my son but for the first time he agreed about everything and gave me support. Miracles do exist!
I have not heard from him and that is fine with me. I found who I was and who I want to be and finding this acceptance has lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders. I seen the happy side of me and what fun life can be again. I am going to be fine with or without him. So much to the thanks of my friends on DS. Love & Happiness to all!

Good for you Nightingayle, I know how hard that had to be. For those of you I met at the Cleveland Meet-Up, you know a little bit more about my situation and that I haven't spoken to stbx in over 8mo. Chrissy, I know your in pain, Cathy, I had to stop talking to my stbx because he too just mentally manipulated me, Sue, I wish I could speak to him about finances, I can't even do that. The point I'm getting to is that after this past weekend I was really feeling good about my strength. I felt my self-esteem grow, I was feeling confident, I was having fun etc. Then Monday a heavy letter came from stbx, thought it was something to do with court (Dec 1.) It was an 11 page letter telling me how wonderful I am, I am the Love of his Life, greatest mother, greatest woman, I can go on and on, My head was spinning. I have had a little setback from this letter for the last 3 days. He also goes on to say He Loves OW (not as much as me) but because she reminds him of me, that I can Love someonelse,someday (can you believe the EGO) and that he could be happier if I would be his friend. I know for sure I can have no contact with him. He just wants to make himself feel better. I feel better just getting this out. Hang in there everyone! I still have a ways to go.

I am so proud of you Chrissy you are doing great. I know it takes alot not to call or text him but you are doing the right thing. When we continue on with contact and try our best to be pleasant towards the X's they seem to take it that we are ok with what has happened. I think they tend to think that we can be there friend and this allows them to manipulate us. You just keep doing what you are doing sweetie , I bet it is bugging the hell out of him that you havent responded . Many hugs!!

Chrissy it is difficult! Mine has no desire to speak to me during the week unless he needs something. But, I have to see him every other weekend! It is difficult to understand how they can simply walk away from everything, but they do! Hang in there and it will get better. Maybe this will eventually stop some of the pain!
Sending you many hugs!

Chrissy you can do it, get that inner strength and hold it tight. I understand. I would love to talk with stbx, and text and email but I keep reminding myself that he has OW so he really doesn't need me...so I really do better with as little contact as possible, and you will too!!!!

This person has been the one you have shared with for many years and for the most part you had a certian communication and closeness. It is sooooo very hard to just turn that off, cold turkey. It will take time to get used to it, I know it did for me......but it is the best in the long run....many ((((((((hugs))))))))......AJJ

I've been talking to mine but will stop once we're done with the divorce. In fact he called me last night to check to see if everything was ok. He just moved out this week. I said sure and that was about it. It sounded like he wanted to talk some more but he's the one that wanted a new life. They don't have the right to want to be apart of our life and someone elses. They can't have it all

No contact is easy for me because he has never initiated contact with me since he left except in regards to business or the kids. Hang in there, I know it will get easier for you.

It's not so bad for me with no contact. Actually, it just makes it easier. For years, anytime something big happened that upset me, he would always demand that I accept his apology and not argue about anything. Eventually, I'd give in. All his efforts and I'm sorry's are what I wanted to see and hear. He wasn't sincere, but he knew how to manipulate me. It wouldn't take but a few weeks and he would go and do the same thing over again. Let me know he was sorry and then would repeat the same thing or worse, again & again.

He knows that this is final now. No more talking. It's now a money a thing. It's been that way since I left. I talk to him very rarely and it's usually about money. I expected him to be a crazy man for at least the first few months, but had hoped he would regain some senses and stop treating my son, his family and I like magets, That didn't happen. So about a month ago I gave up on trying to bring some stability to my family through him and have declared him dead in my mind. He just continues to hurt, bend and twist everyone and everything to make him look like the good guy - no matter who he hurts in doing it.

I did have a problem with no contact in the beginning. I don't know if it was him I was missing or my life as I knew it. Having no contact makes my days more enjoyable. When I have talked with him in the past - it would take me days to get him out of my mind. It's not that way anymore. I don't care like I used to. He's caused so much damage already, I just try to block him out totally. That doesn't mean It's the end to this madness - but, it's the beginning of the end.