Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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julie25yearsgone 03/27/2016

I have been "lurking" in the background for a while now and decided to step forward and introduce myself. Last summer my husband of 25 years decided to leave. I came home from work on a Friday to find he had packed up all of his stuff, already told our 2 kids (21 and 18) and handed me a letter explaining that after many years of soul-searching and counseling he could no longer deny himself. He is gay.

I realize that many here have been blindsided by their ex, but I wonder if there is anyone who was hit with this?

amazinggrace15 04/04/2016

As everyone has said you will know what is appropriate.

I also told my kids their relationship with my X was between them. It's been a little over a year and since he left, they have had separate get together with him and also with him and the ow. My X wants to be friends but I don't see that happening, friendly yes. Maybe in time I can be around the two of them together, but the one time it happened it did not turn out well. I have only been around him once so far at our granddaughters concert. It felt natural as far as the family but I no longer need him or love him like I once did.

dairytech 04/05/2016

I am friends with my ex now...but it took a few years before that could happen. I did not see or speak to him for about 1 1/2 years following the divorce. We tried the friends thing at about the 3 year mark but I could not do it without sacrificing myself...so we went black for another 1 1/2 years. Now...we help each other out...can be at family functions together and it seems to work...however...I share very little of myself with him...he no longer is my best friend and has no rights to my inner world. I guess we are friends with limits.

I do think its important to try to achieve that friendly friendship for a lot of reasons...especially the kids. My kids have told me repeatedly how much they appreciate our efforts....it is just easier for them especially on holidays..Big Hugs and welcome...Kathy

KRKing911 04/09/2016

I have a friend who was married for something like 5 years - she caught her husband in bed with his gay lover, but remained married to him for like 7 more. They just lived together pretty much had separate lives.

For her it was fear that kept her there. She's remarried now for a long time and has a grown daughter.

I'm glad you are out of it and can move on. Welcome to the group - you have found a good place here.

lycesq 04/17/2016

No, but I have had clients who have been hit with this. My advice is to make the best of it you can. Don't bad mouth the ex spouse and encourage the children to have contact with the other parent. They may need counseling to help them come to grips with the changes in their lives.

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