Hi DS Friends,

Yes it's me Disney!!!!! It's just over 4 years now since the night I sat down at my computer at 1 am. Scared, Confused, Heartbroken, Angry, and in total disbelief at where I was after 23 years of marriage.
I remember feeling that NO ONE else in the world could possibly know what this feels like!! I wanted to pop open the bottle of wine, and pull the covers over my head until the pain went away.

Then my little boy saying "Please don't cry mommy, your all I have now" feeling so selfish with my own pain I never stopped to think about my son. I said " We have each other and we will make it" We slept in my bed that night together eating toast and watching late night game shows until we fell asleep.

I had many sleepless night after that but that night I actually slept. I decided to search for others, there had to be others, who had gone through or are going through the same thing.
Enter DS........... My Life Line for the next couple years.... CowgirlKathi my Fairy Godmother and all the other amazing women and men who sat up with me night after night giving me Legal advice, to Spiritual advice, Parenting advice, to even Dating advice:)

Always there Praying with me, Venting with me, and reassuring me that things do get better!!!!! The Rainbow is just after the storm. I remember crying to God one night and saying " How could you do this to me" I was a great wife, I'm a great mom, hard worker, kept a full time job and a spotless house, home cooked meals every day. Like a whisper right in my ear I heard these words " I didn't do this TO YOU, I DID IT FOR YOU"

Like most of us married over half our lives we become numb to the bad behaviors, we become complacent to staying out with the boys nights, and taking care of everything ourselves because if we don't it doesn't get done. I mean someone has to be the adult, be the responsible one, be the boring steady as she goes one, so the rest of the family will be ok. Even putting our own happiness, goals, and dreams on the back burner so our spouses can achieve all they want. Why not I mean were a team right? So his successes are OUR successes right! So we support!!! Right up until they day they LEAVE!!! Then were left wondering what did I just spend half my life doing????

I know I have been there. If there are any new members out there go and read some of my old post and journals. You will see even though all of our experiences and journey's are different we all share the same emotions attached with Divorce after 20 years. Fear, Anger, Loneliness, Depression, Denial and so on.

Life finds a way to have Peace again, Balance again, laughing comes easier with time, I used to count how many hours I could go without crying, then days, then months.........
Set small goals in the beginning. Just getting out of bed, taking a shower, going to work were goals for me in the early months. Then saving for a Disney trip, moving into a house again, working towards a Director's position, making sure my son got through 5th grade.......

Life gets better everyone!!! I know I lived it! Have Faith in God, Have Faith in YOURSELF!!!!! and listen to the advice of us old timers on here they worked Miracles for me. I have a House again, I have been to Disney many times just got back from Disney's 60th Diamond Anniversary, I am a Director of a Christian based Preschool, and my son is heading to High School this year with straight A's from Jr High!!! He's growing up to be one of the Kindest, Sweetest, Compassionate young men I know......... But we never lose sight of where we started and appreciate every moment. Even hanging out on my bed eating toast and watching old game shows when ever we can!!

God Bless all of you on your Journey of Healing:)

Disney!!!!!!!