Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Hello Everybody, I was told about this forum by another member who saw my post in the B&D forum. Thank you seeingthedawn. I have been married 22 years. About three months ago I discovered my wife had been having an affair. When I told her I had found out she gave no explanation and just left saying she was going to go to stay with "her sister". We separated for a month before she came home. We decided to go to counseling. After 3 weeks I learned she was still having the affair. She had lied to the therapist and me about the affair being over. She again left this time saying she wanted a divorce. I understand she has moved in with the guy she was having the affair with. This was a month ago. I cant understand how she could throw away our entire lives together. I feel so hurt, betrayed, depressed, confused and every emotion in between. I never thought this could ever happen. Never saw it coming. I am in desperate need of help and direction. I have no idea how I'm going to get through this.
My ex cheated on me and left me for another woman after 24 years. He's marrying her in May. So, I can appreciate your shock, disbelief, and anger very well. Each time I see someone new on here, I wish I could show them what their life will look like in one year, two years, five years. It would help so much for you to see what a remarkable man you are and how much you will grow as a person because of this. Thank you to Seeingthedawn for mentioning the book list. On it you will find a plethora of books on every topic imaginable. I compiled the list because each book on it offers hope, peace, answers, understanding, and validation. I highly recommend that you read as many of them as you care to. I also recommend keeping a journal of your thoughts and emotions. It really helps to get them out of your head so they don't keep spinning around in there and making you even more miserable. The suggestions from everyone here are wonderful. Do as many of them as you can.
Above all, take very good care of yourself. It's perfectly okay and absolutely necessary for you to put your needs first now. You'll find yourself raw with grief and sadness. Allow yourself to feel the pain. It will pass - I promise. You'll feel better for a while and then it will surface again. This is all completely normal and part of the process of healing from betrayal.
It truly breaks my heart that so many people go through this. I wish a site like this weren't necessary. But, then I remember that we cannot see light without darkness. And, the most amazing people in this world are those who have endured great loss and pain. You will get through this. You will one day look back on your post above and smile and realize just how far you've come.
All my best to you. Sending healing thoughts, prayers, and hugs.
Kim