Some of you already know, but for those of you who don't my divorce was final today.

My X (I can call him that now) and I came to an agreement on everything. It didn't happen easily as his lawyer was being a total jerk and even lied to his own client about something he said I said.

Anyway bottom line is I didn't get much today money wise but I do have the reserved right to go back to court when he either gets a job or gets this business off the ground.

The first 45 min or so our lawyers kind of intervened and we got nowhere so I took matters into my own hands and pulled my X away from his lawyer (left him standing there like the jerk he was) and my X and I sat and talked for about 1/2 hour. By the time we were done, we were in agreement. What a waste of lawyer money when we could've done this all along. He realizes what an idiot he was now.

I was just fine and very businesslike the whole time. No emotion while he and I were talking and agreeing on the settlement. Then....they called us into the court room. I got within 5 feet of the door and I couldn't go in. The whole reason for being there just slammed me in the gut. As my lawyer held the door for me, my feet wouldn't move. I turned around, tears in my eyes, and took about 10 min to gather my composure before I could go in. I cried during the whole process. At one point the judge had to ask me to give a yes or no answer and when I couldn't speak, my X then looked over at me and saw that I was crying. Up until then we didn't look at each other.

The court room process took about 10 min and it was over. Over. It all happened so fast. As of 7pm last night I didn't even know I had a court date and then 14 hours later I'm divorced. Today was a sad day for me. I didn't feel the relief today but I'm sure I will in another day or so. 23 years of my life spent with this man who ended it all today with a couple of answers to the judge. I'm sure he's doing the happy dance now with his new girlfriend, but for me it was a sad day.

There are still some minor things to be done...he still has stuff here at the condo and there are still some joint bills to pay, but once these are all taken care of I don't see any reason to have any further contact with him.

I've known it was coming for a while but since it happened so fast it hasn't quite sunk in yet. I'm a divorcee. Never, ever thought I'd be saying that.

Thank you to everyone for the many hugs, support and well wishes. It gave me strength when I logged on tonight.

I know I'll be ok.....life begins anew, albeit with a little sadness but I've had worse days than this and I've pushed past them. I'll make it through this day too.