Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Some of you already know, but for those of you who don't my divorce was final today.
My X (I can call him that now) and I came to an agreement on everything. It didn't happen easily as his lawyer was being a total jerk and even lied to his own client about something he said I said.
Anyway bottom line is I didn't get much today money wise but I do have the reserved right to go back to court when he either gets a job or gets this business off the ground.
The first 45 min or so our lawyers kind of intervened and we got nowhere so I took matters into my own hands and pulled my X away from his lawyer (left him standing there like the jerk he was) and my X and I sat and talked for about 1/2 hour. By the time we were done, we were in agreement. What a waste of lawyer money when we could've done this all along. He realizes what an idiot he was now.
I was just fine and very businesslike the whole time. No emotion while he and I were talking and agreeing on the settlement. Then....they called us into the court room. I got within 5 feet of the door and I couldn't go in. The whole reason for being there just slammed me in the gut. As my lawyer held the door for me, my feet wouldn't move. I turned around, tears in my eyes, and took about 10 min to gather my composure before I could go in. I cried during the whole process. At one point the judge had to ask me to give a yes or no answer and when I couldn't speak, my X then looked over at me and saw that I was crying. Up until then we didn't look at each other.
The court room process took about 10 min and it was over. Over. It all happened so fast. As of 7pm last night I didn't even know I had a court date and then 14 hours later I'm divorced. Today was a sad day for me. I didn't feel the relief today but I'm sure I will in another day or so. 23 years of my life spent with this man who ended it all today with a couple of answers to the judge. I'm sure he's doing the happy dance now with his new girlfriend, but for me it was a sad day.
There are still some minor things to be done...he still has stuff here at the condo and there are still some joint bills to pay, but once these are all taken care of I don't see any reason to have any further contact with him.
I've known it was coming for a while but since it happened so fast it hasn't quite sunk in yet. I'm a divorcee. Never, ever thought I'd be saying that.
Thank you to everyone for the many hugs, support and well wishes. It gave me strength when I logged on tonight.
I know I'll be ok.....life begins anew, albeit with a little sadness but I've had worse days than this and I've pushed past them. I'll make it through this day too.
My X (I can call him that now) and I came to an agreement on everything. It didn't happen easily as his lawyer was being a total jerk and even lied to his own client about something he said I said.
Anyway bottom line is I didn't get much today money wise but I do have the reserved right to go back to court when he either gets a job or gets this business off the ground.
The first 45 min or so our lawyers kind of intervened and we got nowhere so I took matters into my own hands and pulled my X away from his lawyer (left him standing there like the jerk he was) and my X and I sat and talked for about 1/2 hour. By the time we were done, we were in agreement. What a waste of lawyer money when we could've done this all along. He realizes what an idiot he was now.
I was just fine and very businesslike the whole time. No emotion while he and I were talking and agreeing on the settlement. Then....they called us into the court room. I got within 5 feet of the door and I couldn't go in. The whole reason for being there just slammed me in the gut. As my lawyer held the door for me, my feet wouldn't move. I turned around, tears in my eyes, and took about 10 min to gather my composure before I could go in. I cried during the whole process. At one point the judge had to ask me to give a yes or no answer and when I couldn't speak, my X then looked over at me and saw that I was crying. Up until then we didn't look at each other.
The court room process took about 10 min and it was over. Over. It all happened so fast. As of 7pm last night I didn't even know I had a court date and then 14 hours later I'm divorced. Today was a sad day for me. I didn't feel the relief today but I'm sure I will in another day or so. 23 years of my life spent with this man who ended it all today with a couple of answers to the judge. I'm sure he's doing the happy dance now with his new girlfriend, but for me it was a sad day.
There are still some minor things to be done...he still has stuff here at the condo and there are still some joint bills to pay, but once these are all taken care of I don't see any reason to have any further contact with him.
I've known it was coming for a while but since it happened so fast it hasn't quite sunk in yet. I'm a divorcee. Never, ever thought I'd be saying that.
Thank you to everyone for the many hugs, support and well wishes. It gave me strength when I logged on tonight.
I know I'll be ok.....life begins anew, albeit with a little sadness but I've had worse days than this and I've pushed past them. I'll make it through this day too.
I'm tearing up reading your post because I'm so right there with you. I'm not even sure if my divorce is final yet but the last thing left to do was for me to review the decree and I did that several days ago. I imagine that somewhere on someone's desk is my final divorce decree. But I know that feeling you had when you couldn't walk into the courtroom. I had the same thing. I thought "How in the hell did we end up here?!" I kept thinking "I don't want this, I don't want to do this!" But of course it's done. It's a very unfeeling process for something that is so emotional.
I think the whole process would be kinder if there was some sort of final therapy. Not to reconcile but the opposite, to move closer to acceptance for both parties. I just felt like there was so much unfinished business, so much that still needed to be said but no arena to say it in. Mediation had the right flavor but it was only focused on our parenting plan and everything was so rushed.
I know that my x celebrated our divorce, but for me it was very sad too. My sister asked me if I was going to have a divorce party, it's the latest thing apparently. I just can't imagine having a party to celebrate the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Maybe one day but definitely not today.
So remember that you are not alone. I will be writing that my divorce is final anytime now, and I will be sad too. For now I am sad with you and I'm sad for you but things will get better. I have faith in that and you yourself have told me so. So shed your tears on our shoulders and then dust yourself off and bounce back like I know you can. You are so strong. I'm not just saying that, I've learned that about you from your postings and your words of wisdom to others. Love ya, sister!
I love you girl, take care of you!!
Sending you a big hug! I'm sure you will begin to feel happy again; just be extra good to yourself. Hugs!!!
I really do have faith that you will come out the winner..you have inspired us all and that takes a very special person!!!
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