Honey, hugs. It is tough but hang on. I used my credit card and a line of credit to keep things going. I was making min. wages too. Everything takes time. Do not give in, that is what they want. I did not want to go to court either, but when the push became a shove, I fought back. I got half of everything plus 50,000 dollars on his retirement fund. Whatever you do, do not show that you are scared or feeling the pressure. You have to fight back for what you are entitled to. Prayers and hugs for strength

Knucke, refresh my memory. Was yours a no fault situation?

You know, of course, that unless and until you have actually FILED for divorce, even the best attorney is limited as to what they can do to further your case. If your stbx still has not given a full financial disclosure, there is nothing in the world your attorney can do but continue to ask for it. It will take a court order for any financial information to come under a subpoena and if he doesn't comply then, he will be in contempt of court.

Filing for divorce doesn't necessarily mean you are going to litigation -- but it DOES put some teeth into it.

One of the earlier responses here mentioned hiring a forensic accountant. That can be exhorbitantly expensive and I seriously doubt that it's necessary in your case. Usually an accurate "paper trail" can be tracked through income tax returns and bank statements. But again, unless you have actually filed for divorce, you probably won't get anything more than he has offered so far.

We have filed. At this point, I'm still wondering what it is that family lawyers actually do except bill their clients. And I'm on number 3. Hopefully, I'll see something Tuesday.

Your question about divorce discriminating against women made me chuckle. I think the majority of MEN think that THEY are discriminated against in divorce since most of the time, THEY are the ones who have to pay child support and alimony/spousal support!

IMO whether the divorce is fault or no-fault, the best way to manage divorce is to EMPOWER YOURSELF! Knowledge is power! There is so much good information available through the internet AND at your local courthouse there is no excuse for feeling as if you have no control over the situation.

At the end of the 18 Months of Hell it took for my divorce to be final, my attorney gave me a hand-lettered honorary law degree. She said, "You did all the hard work; all I did was push the papers around." I was quite amused because while I had worked in a law office for a year DECADES earlier, all we did was real estate law. But it was my natural curiosity and my drive to be my own best advocate that had me digging -- through old financial reports, case law, and even doing some of my own private investigating. In the end, I got everything I had asked for from the get-go. It was the most difficult task I had ever taken on, but I was dead serious NOT to let that stupid, selfish man ruin the rest of my life!

GG - How long ago did you file? And when you did, was there a request for an immediate hearing for financial support included? The first set of documents normally includes a request for a fyull financial disclosure to be made within a certain period of time. If that time rolls around and you still don't have it, then your attorney can request that those records be subpoenaed. And if THAT doesn't get you what you're asking for, then the court can slap him with failure to comply (contempt of court). This usually gets a rise out of them.

It's not easy, believe me -- I dealt with a stubborn hard-head for 9 long months before I ever filed for divorce. But by that time, I had had enough of his crap to last me a lifetime. That's when I (to quote Hurtinandhealin) "took the leash off my attorney" and things went from zero to 60 in very short order.

My attorney file the day after it had been a year's separation. She scheduled a temporary hearing for the 16th of Dec. After we met this week, she went ahead and scheduled a mediation to see if we could work things out. That's Tues.

It's a whole lot cheaper than endless court dates.

IMO it's hardly fair for you to say your attorney hasn't done anything for you when, in fact, the filing never took place until you were separated a year (you don't specify the date herein). I knew going into it that the wheels of justice sometimes move a lot more slowly than we would like...

In any event, Goldengirl, good luck with the mediation -- but do NOT under any circumstances -- allow that temporary hearing on the 16th to be cancelled because even IF you are able to strike a deal in mediation, the document still has to be fully executed and approved by the court before it's "written in stone." A lot can happen between now and then....

A piece of a good news. H has agreed to cover the cost of mediation. Now, of course, knowing him, he'll probably NOT to agree something else we need, saying that he covered the mediation. So many worries with him!!!!! Ugh.

Although it's a tad premature, Im beginning to see a light at the end of this horrible tunnel I've been in for the past year. If we can agree tomorrow, we will basically be done, as long as everything's in writing and signed off on.

Honey, good news. But do not worry about him. He wanted this and now he is going to get it. Right between the eyes. Do not give in or show him that you are fed up with everything. Demand your fair share and more. Stand tall and smile. That is what I did and still do when I see him. That nice slow smile of a viper snake that is about to bite. Hugs