Mediation means you both sit down with this person with all financial papers on the table. They look at your income, his income and all assets. They tell you what you will walk away with. If you don't agree you can always get an attorney. I would be really surprised if you got the house after 17 years. I've been married 29 years and I'm not getting the house. If you husband is super rich maybe.

I tried to use one but we have a business that would make it difficult.

Good luck to you.

you do not have to do mediation, and what they suggest is not binding, they just try to bring together the differences that you may have in what you want, so say you want the house and are willing to give up your share of his pension or 401 then you may get the whole house. no matter what YOU SHOULD HAVE A LAWYER!! remember in a state that that is no fault you are intitled to half of everything!!!! often lawyers will give the first counsel for free..check into this do not settle for less!!!

I had the same thing happen. A woman knows when her H is not really back. We went off and on for three years and he was never really back. We tried mediation but the two parties have to be VERY honest with everything. My ex was not and even the mediator was frustrated with him. I would definitely get a lawyer and make things LEGALLY binding. Good luck!!!

We used a mediator initially to try and divide our assets. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done although I'm glad now that we did. At the end of several hours, I decided not to agree to nor sign anything without having an attorney look over it and see if it was in my best interest or not--that really ticked off my ex and the attorney doing the mediating. I was told "you are expected to sign the agreement at the end of the day." Not this chick!

I was told later by an attorney that I retained that ususally each of you has another lawyer with you to look out for the interest of each party and that it had been a mistake for me to go without one. After what I went through that day, I believe him. I felt bullied and pressured during the mediation process. I was proud that I stood my ground and didn't give in although I cried buckets of tears during the whole process!

Georgia is also a no fault state and everything is usually split 50/50. By using my attorney to finish the mediation (we did it by mail and not in person this time), we saved ourselves a lot of money. We had only been in our house for 3 years, so there wasn't much equity. I didn't want to stay there and so gave up my interest in the house for all of his 401k, a cash settlement and most of the household belongings. He got the credit card debt and the house. I felt like I did fairly well.

He cheated too and we tried to reconcile for 2 years, but it just didn't happen, even with marriage counseling. He wanted out too badly. So sad after 24 years and 4 children that he was willing to throw it all away.

I hope my expierence helps you a little. Let me know if I can help you in any way. Be strong!

I think you should get the house free and clear also, but you probably won't. I felt the same way. I asked my lawyer if we went to court would the house be awarded to me and she said it could be, but I would still have to pay the mortgage and buy him out. We didn't go to court, but that is exactly what happened. I bought him out for half the equity, since we had recently refinanced it wasn't too bad. He signed a quit claim deed, I took out a home equity loan to buy him out and now the house is mine. I love my house, it is my little piece of heaven on Earth and I just couldn't have him telling me we were going to sell it (which he did). I am affording everything, but it isn't easy. But, to me, it is worth it. I hope everything goes smoothly for you. You are in my prayers!

I agree with Debra. For mediation to really work, you have to really be able to trust each other. Not that there won't be disputes and conflict - but it's really not an adversarial kind of a process. You do have to do some research in advance and be ready to stand up for yourself. Same as all of you - two years of H back and forth, but knowing in my heart he was not really committed. I chose mediation because I knew I could trust him (to his credit, not quite the right word, but he's got a lot of guilt... so I felt sure he wouldn't get really ugly). HOWEVER, even he was surprised when I asked for what I did financially and EVEN MORE surprised when the mediator told him it was fair. You can get a lawyer to consult you. Some states now have consultative divorce - a sort of cross between a mediator and litigation. You each have your own lawyer, but their job is to look at the best interest of the family unit as a whole. I guess this is best when kids are involved - and since yours is only 14, might be an option. It's not widespread yet, so do some research. It's also less expensive than typical divorce lawyers. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is overwhelming. As far as the house, it doesn't hurt to ask - layout the reasons why you think you should stay (primarily for your daughter's sake, I would imagine) and ask him flat out what you would need to do to make that happen for her. Then see what happens. My heart and thoughts are with you, as is everyone else's here.

it depends on your state--in NC you can get a court appointed mediator--everything that is worked out becomes binding...as far as the house--again, it can be according to the state--in NC (also a no0fault) adultry and you daughter could sway a judge--remember the judge does not have to follow the 50-50 rule. If that happens, you might be able to get alimony and child support and afford the house....

Spend the 100$ on a lawyer--it was the best money i ever spent.

By the way, my wife and I just "celebrated" our 18th, so I understand.

rob

Thank you guys so much for the information! I am trying to learn as much as possible before we go to the lawyer. This is the second time going to one. The last time we both had lawyers and spent 3000.00 in fees then pulled out after we filed. But husband never really did recommit. To be honest I dont even want a divorce even after all this heartache but I guess God has a better plan for me. Last time we we getting divorced I was getting a pretty good package but know he came back and we refinanced and its not going to be so good. I think he must of did this on purpose. This hurts so bad!!! I hope to one day say it was for the best.

In my state (NC) it is no fault, but adultery does matter for alimony. Hope your state is the same. If you refinanced you probably don't have as much equity in your house which will make it easier for you to buy him out if that is what you want. Good Luck! Let us know what happens.