So sorry you're going through this. Realize that just because he says he wants the kids, doesn't mean that that's what he really wants or will end up with. My ex said he wanted them 7 days on, 7 days off (I said no to that, 7 days is too long) but then when parenting mediation came along a few months later he said he wanted them only every other weekend and "whenevers". A huge difference from 7 on/7 off. I think he realized how much is involved in raising kids and decided they would cramp his lifestyle. Also, he can't take care of himself, how could he actually care for two others? Also realize that he will be providing some support to you in the form of child support, and probably alimony as well. With your medical condition, it will be hard for him to avoid alimony. Start investigating divorce laws in your state, google is a decent place to start. Check with a few attorneys too, you'll want to know your rights before you start the process.

jojored has said it very well. But do not sign or agree with anything. Do not engage in any conversation with him. Let him talk. It is hard but you can do it. What he wants or needs now is irrelevant. Now it is all about you and your kids. Whenever you see him, just smile turn around and walk away.

Thank you... trying not to engage. I asked yesterday if we could not get divorced... haven't asked before... won't ask again.... just want too be over the crying part

Hugs my friend. You cry all you want, in fact, the more you cry the more the stress is released. I cried so much that I thought the Kimberly Clarke factory could not keep up with the demand. I felt drained but as time went on I was getting stronger too. I think tears are God's gift. They are like a release valve on a pressure cooker. It will be a long hard road to travel. But at the end, there is a beautiful bright light.

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm sure this added stress is causing your lupus to flare up. If you can, see about going to individual counseling for yourself to help you. I agree 100% to what the others wrote. You must meet with lawyers, many give a free consult. Gather up and make copies of important documents, like things that are paid for (vehicle titles) bank and investment account statements, mortgage stuff, w2's. If you have them when you meet with a lawyer they can better give you a ball park on what to expect financially. Echoing what jojo said....look up divorce laws in your state and find out what you are entitled to. The time between now and the final decree, you will need to know what the law says you are entitled to so you don't get duped. Your husband may mean well and appear generous in the beginning, but the worm turns and he will start getting angry about everything. Like atpeacemary said, do not agree to anything or sign anything until you have a lawyer look it over or you spend some time deciding. Your feelings will be all over the place and you need to make sound decisions.

also on the kids, he thinks he will avoid paying child support by having them with him over a certain amount of time. Hopefully once he realizes it's not for the best, he will let that idea go. A lot of times they act like Disney Dad's to woo the kids over...the kids see through the BS. Don't let anything he says shake you up....it's all talk right now. He's feeling you out. When he wants to start nailing down plans, just listen to his idea and say, "I'll think about it and let you know" or if you have a lawyer retained then say, "Ill pass this by my lawyer then let you know what I decide," Then nothing more. Play your cards close to your chest.

Again, sorry what you are going through. (((HUGS)))

two good websites to look up divorce law by state are divorce.com and divorce360.c0m

Misted's advice is spot on .... the Disney dad playbook is exactly how my ex wife plalyef Oprah mom phony bullshit

So many heartbreaking posts, I am sorry you are hurting like this. My husband moved out a week ago (we have been together 30 years) after I discovered his affair. I dont know what the future holds, maybe reconciliation, maybe divorce. But I agree with everyone's advice. Start getting all your paperwork together and seek legal advice. Also get some counselling for yourself. There'll be days when all you want to do is cry and others when you are filled with rage. You must allow yourself to grieve. You have come to the right site for support. Thinking of you