Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

JUST DONT BELIEVE IT

rbsingle1959
rbsingle1959
I am the one whose ex spouse left on a weekend to return to his girlfriend from 22 yrs ago. He left it all here in NY and went to Florida and has now married his childhood sweetheart. After half of my life being married to him and thinking you know somebody it turned out to be the complete opposite. But that is life and i cant change it. I am in a relationship with somebody else and it is serious. He is a wonderful man who treats me the way i always wanted my ex to treat me. He is attentive and emotionally involved in everything i do. He too has suffered infidelity with his ex wife so we understand each others pain. My problem: Everybody says there is a healing process and i understand it. But do we and will we ever get over our pain? I dont believe so. I think to some degree we get better and move on but to completely heal? Impossible. That pain to some degree will stay with you as it HAS affected your life; your way of thinking, and other things. I dont believe you ever get over it like it never happened. Anybody agree? It has now been 2 years since my separation and will be one year in October since my final divorce and at times I still grieve and hurt over this situation. I feel anger, resentment etc. and other days I am fine.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Hey, you forget, smart, resourceful and beautiful. With a purpose and determination to face anything that life can throw at us. Yahooooooooooo
JaMama
JaMama
CowgirlKathi-" I also learned to listen more carefully -- because sometimes, you have to get real quiet to hear what another person is "really" saying even though they might not be putting it into words."

That is brilliant. I know that is so true. And I learned that I needed to turn off my filters that kept me seeing what wasn't there.

rb - what you describe about him is emotional abuse. The way he left was meant to hurt you in the worst way he could. All the while acting as if he wasn't doing anything to you. That is abuse. I didn't know that either until after X left.
trisha9054
trisha9054
I learned a long time ago to keep my mouth shut and my ears open. You can learn a lot by truly listening. With some men the words and actions have to match. With my ex it was one or the other but never both. I allowed myself to get distracted with family chores and missed a lot. But there really wasn't a lot to hear or see from the ex until he went overseas and I wasn't as important to him any more.
CowgirlKathi
CowgirlKathi
This "listening" and "watching" thing goes back to something I read about LOVE -- LOVE is more than just a word or words -- it is an ACTION! If the "words" don't match the action, it isn't real love; it's a fantasy in our own minds.
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