Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I just wanted to check in to see who is still here. We lost so much when they changed the format. Everyone kind of gave up trying to maintain our precious relationships. All is well in my life. I lost my job to robots about 3 years ago and its turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I had to reinvent myself. I started a cleaning company and it took off like crazy and Im doing really well. From thinking my life was over to great sucess..go figure. I have a new man in my life..its my precous grandson. He lives next door to me and he is my heart and joy. He will be 2 in Sept.
My ex is a distant past. He has a girlfriend that is 2 years younger than our daughter...lol..geeze eh! He lives 3 blocks from me and I never see him and he has nothing to do with our daughter or grandson..shameful. We all are so much better off.
Ive managed to do a lot of travelling. Ive been to Costa Rica, Indonesia and last year I went to Iceland and then Mexico to attend my sons wedding. 2 trips in one year..yay! I had a wonderful time in Mexico and would go back anytime..Costa Rica..not so much.
I wanted to say..time does really help. It took me 10 years to get over my marrage..divorced twice to the same man. They say everyone heals at their own pace..I believe that to be true..it just took me longer than most. I think overcoming divorce and all the emotional crap that comes with it was the hardest thing I've dealt with to date. The best advise I can give is 1. go dark, do not engage unless children are involved. If you must comunicate do it through email or legal avenues. 2. Make your financial survival plan..get it in writing..seek professional advise and follow through. 3. Watch your self chatter. If youve been gaslighted and lied to you can feel really crappy. One of the best tricks is to change your thinking. If you find yourself putting you down, calling yourself stupid etc..stop..chang those words into loving self talk..it takes time and effort but you will be shocked how often we do this especially if you were abused verbally during the marriage and breakdown of the marriage. 4. Just know in your heart there is more out there and this is your opertunity to re write your history book. Its actually an exciting time..perspective right? You get to reinvent you!
I think of you all often and hope all are well. I hope youve found your place in your new life and have comfort and peace. I mean really..isnt that what we all want out of life..especially at this stage in the game of life.
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I had gone to the grocery store. When I wheeled my cartback to my car I just stool there a minute. A few spacesaway a Tesla Cyber truck was parked. I had seen it on theroad a few times for a few seconds. But not close up.It looked like it belonged to 2126 and not 2026. I wasgoing to take a picture of the car but the owners cameback and drove away. It was an ordinary middle age...
Happy to hear you are happy and well.
Hugs
Marie
It's been 10 years or so since my ex left. Although I am doing well and have a good life, I'm not sure I am completely over it. It still makes me a little sad at times. We have minimal contact.
When I first came on this site in 2010, there were so many people and multiple posts/responses on a daily basis. I was in so much emotional pain at the time, but coming here really helped. It is too bad how it changed and many people left.
Thanks for checking in. Don't be a stranger.
Glad to hear all is well with you. I suppose I should write an update, as well. Lots of changes (all good). Stay well and keep in touch!
xoxo
kathi
Your post is so inspirational to someone like me who is just starting the process. Your story spoke to me very deeply because there are a lot of similarities. I was laid off in May; received my Master's degree in June; I'm changing careers and job hunting (but inexperienced in the new field); and I'm newly separated from a terrible marriage. In fact, we separated 5 years ago for just under a year... and I went back. I've been trying not to kick myself for that, and instead be grateful for growth. There is a lot of traveling that I want to do down the road, and even moreso, I plan to relocate to my desired state in the future. You give me hope that things will work out in my favor. I plan to print out your words and put them on my wall as a reminder that things can and will change for the better.
Humbly,
Mizz D
Nice to connect again. I didn't think DS was even around any more.
The good news is since grandbabies have come along, I feel I've taken my place in the family. I'm "Mimi" and my girls know how very much I love my grandbabies even though they're far away. Grandfathers usually aren't that way, so this makes me smile. My grandchildren may call the OW "Grandma", but they will always know who loves them the most. Thank God for technology, right?
As for my stepson...as sad as it is, it's a relief in a way. My husband even said that one day. We saw his decline for 10 years and it was frustrating and heartwrenching. He suffered mental illness in a way the world just doesn't understand. Now we don't worry and fret and fight about him. He's in God's care now, but seeing my beloved go through this broke my heart. My belief is that I had a good life in my first marriage and my husband's life has been so much more difficult. I'm trying to give him his best life, but it isn't always easy with someone who has his own issues. But, I remain devoted knowing God made me strong for a reason. Remember...what doesn't kill you?? :)
Wishing you the best as well...