Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
In the topic "Emotional Breakdown Again" I saw this term used by a responder in reference to their feelings. For me it's been 3 yrs. since she left the relationship, and throughout this period I've struggled with the family unit being torn apart and children greatly affected. And Yes I know we'll all survive to include our children, however I'm also realistic in knowing that it will never be the same for me or the children. Even though I'm dating I still struggle with being single, and having that desire for the family unit.
So, my question is, do you struggle with being single again and have your children been affected????
So, my question is, do you struggle with being single again and have your children been affected????
I'm not so sure I'd say struggle - but for me it's learning and relearning to navigate social, financial, emotional and physical relationships that are very different than when I was last single 20 years ago. Naturally it was a different world then - and I of a different spirit -- in my 20's without children, more apt to jump feet first then check the water temperature first, etc. I'm not one looking to date now as - I think I have more work to do on myself first -- but maybe I'm just waiting for that 'just right" water temperature much more cautious now.
My kids are healing and will need to deal with issues of abandonment in their own way. They are now 17 and 19 and I'm very proud of them. Yes - divorce affected them - but I can't honestly say that it is all awful. I hope at least for whatever it's worth - they know that living honestly and dealing with heartbreak and reality doesn't need to be devastating. We've weathered some pretty tough times - and no doubt there's some ahead yet. But - they are not victims - I want them to know they have the strength they need to address life's challenges and the awareness to enjoy the joys of living. Neither would go to counseling - but if I do anything, I can hopefully just provide a bit of perspective and model on this.
Our way of life is a melding of some of the former traditions that they'd like - blended with new. As they are getting older now - I realize too that I'm marching into unknown territory too at their ages when they'll have their own lives and will want to journey and spend holidays differently with friends, companions, etc. Not there yet - but I've a sense of needing to meld traditions for them and also for me.