These are all very good questions. I haven't started dating yet so I have no experience to share. I suppose that it won't be the same as it was with our exes for the reasons you mentioned, but that doesn't mean it can't still be good, but in a different way. I have a good friend who was widowed at 52. She is now 64 and seems to have finally found Mr. Right. He has fit in very nicely within her social circles, as she his. So I guess it can all work out.

Good questions, giving me some things to think about too. I can't imagine having another man in my life right now, but the long term friendship dynamics are real issues.
Some of "our" friends don't know how to deal with me on my own. It seems like they're more uncomfortable FOR me than I am being single in a group of couples. Anyway, even when we were married, I had my friends, volunteer and social groups, as did he. I can't imagine 24/7, joined at the hip, relationships can be healthy for anyone older than 16.
If it takes a bit for the friend groups to collect, so be it. It's more important we be open to opportunities than pre-meditate how it should be, right?

After this 2nd divorce I met a fellow that I dated for 11/2 years. The social intertwining just kind of happened over time. He had a daughter that lived close...she was not thrilled at first but she warmed up and we established a nice relationship. My friends and family welcomed him quickly because he was a wonderful fellow and quite social. So...it was an easy transition. Its just unfortunate it didnt work out between us...we entered the relationship too soon after both of our divorces...we did not have time to heal properly...so we went our separate ways...if we were to meet for the 1st time today...the outcome would probably have been different.

I have done lots of reading on this subject..the blending of 2 families and groups of friends can take some effort...timing seems to be the issue. For me its been 6 years...my friends and family want me to find a new partner...so I'm pretty sure there will be no issues if it happens...lol...I think they are just fed up with me and want me to find a life....Big Hugs...Kathy

My former fiance, Tom, had no problem at all feeling at home with the friends I had for many years. And by the same token, his friends were very accepting of me. I think what you are struggling with is that your expectation is that things will just be like they were before -- just deleting the X and inserting a new partner. It doesn't happen that way and I think that's a good thing!

Time and life changes us. Divorce changes us. We are never who we were before. But that's not a negative thing - I see it as a positive thing. No two relationships are ever alike, either. I believe in going with the flow and enjoying the things that are different!

From where I sit, I think it may just be too soon for you to be involved with someone else. AND the fact that you only see each other once a week sort of indicates that he's just that into you. Why not free yourself to be single for awhile and check out all of your options. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have gotten so involved with Tom so quickly. These days, I'm subscribing to the Four Seasons Rule -- that you have to know someone for a YEAR before you can say that you truly know them.

Big hugs from sunny Naples.

Being in a second marriage definitely has it's challenges, but my dh has had no problem socializing with my circle of friends. He's in sales, so is totally comfortable around people unlike my ex who rarely said word. My friends didn't care for my ex, so have embraced dh, no problem. I wish dh HAD friends, but he doesn't. I would have enjoyed a man who had a social life. I asked dh about that once and he said that his life as a single father only left room for work and his relationships with women. That's it. Ou bigger issue has been our adult children who don't blend at all. It's hard. So if I could give any dating advice, it's make sure you like each other's kids. Dh and I barely even talk to each other about our kids anymore because it usually ended up in an argument.

I am so far from dating that I don't see it ever happening

- trust someone ever again enough to be vulnerable (???)

- trust, my wife was not aware that as her affair was starting ONE of my kids knew it, If my then wife (my kids mommy) thought so much of only herself at the expense of my kids well being, what are the chance of me meeting someone that would put my kids "even"

-trust, say I were to meet that rare lady, what are her kids & family like, will they care - be moral - do the right thing for my kids/?

- time, my youngest is a freshman in high school, so I won't have much time to available for a lady friend

april 2013, ---- sept 2013 was her plan & divorce path timeline, due to custody & other divorce fun, we are not divorced yet

I sometimes do feel like it would do me good to make a lady friend laugh, diner, and converse about anything under the sun as I still have joy and strength of character to give someone. But I value trust, I am trustworthy ---- as in doing the right thing, not as in keeping secrets and partners in deceit, so I think makes me likely to a loner. my type of trustworthiness is of little value in this world. I don't think that I can ever trust a woman enough to ever let myself be vulnerable to again.

Cowgorlkathi,

That is probably exactly what I've been thinking....I want to insert new guy X into old slot in my life. I didn't think about it like that until you stated it. Not very realistic, huh? Silly me. I'm usually pretty logical.

Was most everyone here knows that I got remaired 4 years ago.
I met my new wife two years after my x left me. So we met and went out for two years
before getting married .
I look back and think that I wasn't ready for marriage ,but there were many factors to take under consideration.. My age....my health...her age.. She was lonely ..I was lonely .
Her husband cheated on her and left her ( 30 years of marriage ) she was divorced
About 8 years when we got married. OK..........so. Here we are 4 years later. I'm trying
to put my life back together . we do have our differences like any other new married couple....still have to give and take....soooooooooooo, so far we're doing OK ..ups and downs....I feel that we're still getting to know each other.. I don't know what the future holds.... I'm just trying to live now. There are still things in my life that I want to do...........
and she doesn't..... I feel that i still need to follow a couple of my dreams no matter what
. somehow we'll have to work that out. She's really a great person. Totally different
then my x. My x never showed me any love...my new wife...she never stops !
When the time is right everyone will make that choice.to be with someone or not.
I feel that we must keep trying.....we can't give up.....win or loose....works or not.we must go on...we must take that chance with love again.. I hate to think that not only did my x bring on so much change..so much hurt that NOW I'm going to let her ruin and control the rest of my life....?my happiness... NO....NO...NO . I will keep trying. IT'S MY LIFE NOT MY XS OR MY MEMORIES.
have a good day...¿the best that you can ......How many more days do we have ??????

I have trust issues and a lot of baggage, so I am not sure I can ever let anyone into my life on a permanent basis. I am in therapy and working on a lot of stuff. It's only been 4 months out for me. And he has not even
signed the divorce papers.

the best of luck to everyone we seem to be a work in progress. Does it ever end?

missd...4 months out...you have a long way to go, honey. I don't know if it actually ever ends because the memories will always be there, but it DOES get better. Some people get stuck and choose not to risk love again, but just the fact you're in therapy is a good thing. It helps if you're open to it. It took me about a year and a half of therapy to feel like I could move forward with my life.

I think by age 40 EVERYONE has baggage of some kind or another! Dh had his drug addict kids and I had emotional baggage with my daughters which came about BECAUSE of the divorce. We both should have ran from each other as if our lives depended on it! But, love prevailed and here we are, close to celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary and 6 years together. And, I had told everyone I met after my divorce that I was NEVER getting married again. Please...all of you...NEVER say NEVER because I still feel like I'm taking my foot out of my mouth. What I've learned is you just never know what's right around the corner in this journey called life and, I agree with Timeman...you only live ONCE and why should our ex-spouses determine what the rest of our lives should look like. Grab life and LIVE!