Yes, if a relationship is started on a foundation of lies then most likely it will have problems. However I urge you to get to a place where you could care less about what he is doing and who he is with. Tell anyone who comes up to you with info on the EX that you don't want to hear about it...that you are moving on with your life now and discussing him sets you back.

(((HUGS))))

I have. Believe me i have. Even with my two sons. They are not allowed to mention their father to me at all. am not interested in when he calls; what they spoke about nor what he is doing. I prefer to pretend that he doesn't even exist. Its like he is DEAD.

Well...I'm 3 years into this thing and I still blow it. I was actually stupid enough to ask my ex if he was happy...aarrgg! I felt like a horses rear end almost immediately. Especially when he said yes.

I'm at the point where I'm not sure I will ever get to the point of indifference...what I do know is this...if I dont find a way to completely cut him off from any contact what so ever...I probably never will.

My ex's new relationship started off with lies and deception...so far...from what has been said...those lies and deceptions are eating away at both of them. There is no trust at all. I could not live that way. I hope they both are eaten up with the guilt they carry.

rb...I know its hard but if you can find a way to completely shut him out...do it. Those of us that have children with our ex's...it seems impossible. For me...as long as my son is living with me...I will have to deal with the ex. Big Hugs...Kathy

I totally agree with misred.

Many of us have agreed that the human "script" is so predictable it's not funny. I suppose mankind just isn't that creative to be otherwise. Relationships on built unsound foundations, makes for unstableness. It a matter of WHEN it shall fail under some crises.

rb my marriage started with some pretty big lies on his part. Those lies and hidden agendas were what finally tore our marriage apart. He couldn't hide what he was doing any longer and got careless. He's hidden some pretty major lies, faults, issues for a long time.

dairy: I think finally my ex might be happy. I saw him several weeks ago and it seems after drinking all his life he has quit. I don't know why I believe him but he has quit. At least for now. I'm at the point that I don't care what he does, who he is with as long as he leaves me alone. I'm trying to cut all ties with him except for our daughter. As long as he's still on the farm mortgage I will have some contact. I'm trying to get him off the mortgage if possible.

rb.. try to not let what you hear bother you. I know how hard that is. I think you are trying to have as much no contact as possible. A polite I don't want to hear about the ex should be respected.

rb - I would love to believe that a lying relationship is doomed and would have problems, but my ex and the OW seem to be doing just fine. She knew it all, chose to stay with him, and they "according to my kids" are as happy as can be. I would think if it was me and I found out about lies, I would end it right away because I wouldn't want to take that chance. Did that once, never again. Also, I had to tell quite a few people not to give me an information about my ex. It was just too painful. I'm sure no one told him about me....lol

I would imagine that a relationship borne out of lies and deceit would always have that undercurrent running. In the case of the X, things certainly didn't turn out the way he imagined...less than 2 years after the divorce was final, Sausage Patty dumped him like a hot potato. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed because those two TRULY deserved each other. But I guess she got sick of his whining unhappy shit a lot sooner than I did.

The other thing that probably played into it was that AFTER he had to hand over 65% of our assets (and this farm) to ME and pay some serious bucks alimony for the next 6 years, he wasn't nearly as attractive to Sausage Patty as he was in the beginning.

In truth, I really could care less what he does, where he goes or who he's involved with. He is one lonely, sorry old man and I'm glad to have him out of my life. As time goes on, you will think less and less about him and you really WON'T CARE ANYMORE. It takes time, distance and no contact but if you keep to it, this too shall pass.

rb, I have read in many places that what you mention - a relationship starting out in lies will end BAD - is indeed true!

Any of us here who had had a spouse lie to us, have an extra-marital affair (EXTRA! what a strange term...as if it's an 'add-on' - like would you like to SUPER size that order? lol) would like nothing better than to see the liars/ cheaters fall on their asses.

But the point often made here, by many of the vets, is to get to a point where we don't even care! I want to be there.....soon I hope!

Ditto Misred!!~!!!! Great advice.
Cheryl

It seems to me, that we all here on this board, both men and women, are a nice, intelligent, truthful,and a well -grounded bunch of people. The people we were attracted to don't seem to have these attributes. Perhaps that's what went wrong. Maybe they need someone in their lives who are more like them so they can shine and feel worthwhile. It must be hard to be a sort of a loser, always pretending they are better than they are. They must wear themselves out, one would think.

Yes, I agree. If he'll lie and cheat on you, he'll do it to her, too. And if she's done it as well, there are two of them that aren't truly committed.

lucy: so true!

I hear some of you saying that the X and the OW must be happy since they show happiness to the outside world and they are still together. I don't believe that they are happy because many of you probably put on a happy face for the public (including your own children) while you were married to the X. The bottom line is that if the X is a narcissist and unhappy person then they don't have the ability to be in a happy marriage. If you ask them if they are happy, they will always say yes because that is the way they win. Truth is not a part of their vocabulary.

could be possible drtexdi. I think you might be right. Our ex's would never admit they made a mistake and have any regrets. They will blast it to the world that they are so happy and made the right choice.

I agree with drtexdi, the "happy face" is often part of the illusion. In truth, NOBODY knows what goes on behind closed doors except the two people who are behind them.

Best advice: Stop even thinking about them! Get on with your own life -- that's the most important thing!