I am happy today. Jan 1,2012? I was EXACTLY where you are. EXACTLY.

Give yourself time to grieve and feel what you feel. It sucks-no doubt about it. My heart goes out to you.

The Divorce from Hell was finally final way back in March 2007, but it still took awhile for me to regain a sense of "normal." The holidays, unfortunately, bring out the worst and those two Christmases that I was in limbo were NOT happy times. By the time January 2007 rolled around, I was just about worn out and the ONLY thing that kept me going was KNOWING we had a trial date in early March.

What you are feeling is not unusual. When you have had the rug pulled out from under you and your whole world turned upside down, it shakes you to your core. If you don't have one already, I highly recommend that you find a qualified counselor or licensed therapist to help you with the emotional part. I'm 100% positive that it hadn't been for my amazing therapist (and my wonderful attorney) I would be doing 99 years to life on 2 counts of homicide (the X and the OW).

Be gentle with yourself and know that this is a process that is going to take awhile. There is no magic bullet and even at best, it's going to be a year or so until things settle out for you. Try to stay focused on what is possible and all the blessings you DO have. And stay in touch with us here on DS. We have all been where you are at one point or another. We're here to help in any way we can.

Big comforting hugs to you...xoxo

It does get better I promise. First year shock and awe, devastation, nothing but pain and thoughts of revenge. Year two grieving for my lost life, anger, bitter hate, fear of the future and a whirlwind of other negative thoughts.........It will be three years since our separation this month. Now I'm not going to say I am brimming over with joy but acceptance..........glimmers of hope that God has a better plan than me being married to a man that clearly did not love me...........Not a life I want back.........Separating the reality of life I thought I had and the way it really was.

But I am totally grateful I don't have the relentless pain and suffering of the first year........For that I am grateful.

I am in a very similar situation as you, brokenhearted. I am very new to this process as well. I find that I am trying with the positive thoughts, but I fall back to the depression. I am surrounded by my family, especially my 3 adult children. They are so good to me; I thank God every day for them. I started dating my husband on New Year's Eve 38 years ago. We became engaged on New Year's Eve 5 years later. He never missed an observance of our "anniversary" on New Year's. Always a mushy card and a gift. Last night I went out with my kids and some of their friends to hear a live band. We drank, we danced, they kept me from crying, for the most part.
But now I know I must trudge forward towards terminating our marriage, without even an answer. I went to file on Wednesday and came p against a roadblock: the sheriff has to formally "attempt to serve" him at his last known address (here). I paid all of the fees, and still haven't had the visit. So I am thinking something is standing in the way, almost trying to delay the process. I feel as though I made a step in the right direction, and vow to bring positive energy . Maybe it will take. Maybe. I pray that you can start to go forward as well. In the meantime, I would like to stay connected since our paths seem similar. God Bless!

Yes, I'm feeling good today and was good yesterday, too. I'm 6 1/2 years post-separation and 5 years post-divorce. My ex cheated over the years, and he had an ow I didn't know about until several months after I moved out. I am also a survivor of Parental Alienation. You will get to this stage, too, but there's only one way to get there, and that's by going through all the rollercoaster of emotions and letting yourself feel them all. No denial, no withdrawal, no escape. You will find the inner strength you don't know you have. If you really let yourself feel the sadness and the anger and loss etc, you will heal more quickly than if you bury it all so deep that you might make yourself ill and prolong the process.

Yesterday, I went through my old jewellery with one of my daughters because my 6yo grandson wanted to know what was in my jewellery boxes. We looked at the twin love-heart bracelet he gave me when I was 15, the friendship ring he gave me when I was 16, the other rings, and all the beautiful things he gave me over the years, which all sit in the box untouched now. For the first time, I was able to lift and hold and tell the stories of each item, including the cheap gold heart pendant engraved with his name that I bought for myself when I was 14. It was a bit weird to sit there and tell those stories without shedding a tear. I felt as though I was talking about something that happened to me in the past which was beautiful for a time. What I felt was a faint regret for the early days, and a faint confusion as to what happened to bring it to an end. I realised that I accept that something changed in my ex. He became quite emotionally and verbally abusive, and I accept that I am far better off without him in my life now. The bad memories are slowly getting more dim while the good memories are still there and can even make me smile!

So know that you will get through this with your heart intact. You will be hopeful again. You will feel good about yourself again.

We can't take on the blame for someone else's shame.

love and hugs
kamary

brokenheart, I'm in the early stages of divorce, too. I've been learning about narcissists and sociopaths, which my soon to be ex is definitely a narcissist, and that has helped me so much. I realize now that he will never change. He is a pathological liar and serial cheater. It took me awhile to accept it... that our marriage has been a joke. Over 25 years with a man who has been playing me, manipulating and making a fool of me.

I went through a lot of emotions the first year I started figuring things out. From painful heartbreak, to anger, to denial, sadness, deep deep depression and grief.... and, now I'm to a point where the pain isn't so bad. A lot of days, I am even feeling indifference. I know he is living with one of his many other women; although, he thinks he's got me fooled.

It's taken two and a half years to get to this point, and I hope to have the divorce final within the next month or two. It's such a long process of emotions to feel and experience, but it really is a process. DS has been a Godsend for me. Without this site, I really feel I wouldn't be here. When I first start uncovering the truth, I became very suicidal. Now I cringe to think I even considered ending my life for the worthless POS he is.

I'm finally becoming excited and optimistic about the future. I've been living in limbo for way too long. I'm ready to get everything settled now, and to move on. I've got mixed feeling about this new year, but I think it's natural. You and I are living in an insecure type of feeling and mode because it's early days in the divorce process.

I have to admit though... I know that I deserved better than I got. And brokenheart, you deserve better, too! Focus on you and your healing. Focus on your children and what is best for you and them. Be kind to yourself, and try to allow yourself to go through this awful roller coaster ride knowing that your future will be so much better without your cheating ex to cause you anymore pain. It really does take a long time, and I remind myself of that daily. Hang in there, and know that you are not alone. Big hugs!

You are in the very early stages. The first couple of years, I was on auto-pilot. I went from point A to B without even noticing it. Now I am doing great. Bought my secondo condo. Retired, and enjoying life as I want to. He is just a speck in my rearview mirror. Take it easy, my friend. Go no contact. It will get better. I am still going to a therapist, but not as often as before. One day at a time is all we can handle. Hugs

I'm almost a year out from being divorced so I'm sort of new at this. This past year was hard but no contact has made it easier by the day. As the chump lady suggests "I left a cheater" Going forward I would like to make it more about the "gaining a life" part of the equation.

It's very hard in the beginning but as kamary said; there's no shortcuts through this. You have to feel the roller coaster of emotions as they come. Try to remember that just like everything else in life-this pain is finite and won't last forever. I guess that's the flip side to "everything good comes to an end" likewise everything bad does too so take some solace in that.

Sending support and hugs
http://lemaym1.wordpress.com/

I too am at the beginning of this roller coaster ride - and so far IT SUCKS!
But even through all of the hurt and turmoil, I do find positive moments. I've even been able to string enough of them together to say today was actually a good day. No meltown. A few tears, but not bad. I am able to function again, but I know ride down is coming again. I am learning to live with the emotions, feel the pain - don't deny it or ignore it. Just ride the wave.
One thing that has helped me was a book called "Broken Open" by Elizabeth Lesser. I'm not usually one to recommend things like this - especially on a public forum, but I found perspective from it. I also found that learning to meditate helped a lot. Those times when I was overwhelmed, and thought my head (and heart) would explode, I would meditate and calm down. It helped. Hopeful? Hopeless? Both at different times. But overall, I know I have the strength to get through this. Just have to work through it and know something better awaits on the other side.

I had an awesome day. I went for a 3 hr hike up Mount Benson...the view was increadable. I looked over the city and could see right across the straight to Vancouver. I could not help but count my blessings. My life has changed so much..divorce does that...but I can honestly say...I made the best tasting lemonade from my bag of lemons...life is good. What a wonderful way to start the year...Big Hugs...Kathy

I'm a day late on this. I'm now into the seventh year post divorce. But the last six years weren't any easier since the ex was doing vindictive things to cause me financial harm. He is also a Narcissist and got very angry when I left. "Him again" likes to play games with people's lives and I stepped out of his games.

I'm finally untangled financially from the ex and I paid off the farm mortgage.I haven't heard from him since before the last court hearing. Life is getting real good for me. I still work 12 to 14 hours days but I'm used to working like that.

I sprained my wrist on Christmas eve, spent Christmas day in the emergency room. Yesterday the splint came off and today is a very great day. I'm working towards having a great 2015.

Been a process for several years unfortunately. I have felt hopeful "at times" but not as often as I think I should & certainly wish I did. I probably should be "over it" by now. But I'm not, will I ever be? Not sure. Sorry to say that. Although let me add, everyone heals at their own pace. As much as this has hurt, been devastating, I can say some of the lessons learned have been positive in my life. I am thankful for those lessons even if I am far from healing. That being said, I don't think I am the norm. Many have come here at the same time or after me, & have created wonderful new lives. You will too, no doubt. Trust what everyone here says, life can be wonderful again & will be. Hugs.

Elizabeth Lesser's "Broken Open" is a powerful and inspiring book -- recommended reading for anyone who is going through such a major life change as divorce. I highly recommend it!

I'm only two months in and I feel like I have to talk myself off the ledge daily if not HOURLY sometimes. Today since being on this site I actually feel better. When he calls me about the boys though I go right back to the beginning like all the progress I've made all day is shattered. I try not to think about the future....it's too overwhelming right now I can only handle just making it through the day. Thank the good Lord I am working! The demons creep up on me if I let them but I am trying to talk gently to myself. I am learning to love myself and am realizing that I am a valuable human being that deserves happiness. You are valuable too. Just keep telling yourself that