No contact is Definitely my goal! Hugs to all of you too :)

I agree with the no contact. Your x sounds quite abusive.

It's great that you can see a therapist -- keep going. My therapist is helping me deal with a controlling wife as we navigate the battle over the fate of our marriage. And getting it for free is great! Therapy can help you in many ways, not just the marriage. It helps you learn how to out YOUR happiness at the top of your agenda. HUGS!

I think your hubby might be my ex's brother, or distant cousin! No seriously, part of the problems we inherit as abused women is, always second guessing ourselves. And frankly, how in the world can we meet their needs when all they do is criticize and put us down every chance they get - who can actually feel romantic towards a beast? And as far as he not treating the next girlfriend as he treated you - HHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! You just wait. The next woman will take your roll as the giver and nurturer for your ex, and he will tire of her too, and begin finding faults with her, I PROMISE! My ex, said the same thing and guess what? Once I was out of the picture, he mistreated her and cheated on her too! Then he went to his "mommie" and told her that the girlfriend turned out to be just like - ME! I got a real laugh out of that one! Frankly, and smart woman, that sees a cruel man coming, will not only act like I finally did, but will do it much sooner than I did!!! Geeeeeeeshh! They just don't get it. . . Don't believe a word from him about you. Trust youself and know, without a shadow of a doubt, given the circumstances you were in, you did the best that you could with the raw deal you got. I know that you are a lovely, loving woman and so glad that you are here with us. Lots of hugs and kisses and have yourself a Merry Christmas!

KIMANK:
You wrote "He told me last nite I am going to have a hard time with a boyfriend because I neglect the man in my life."
Why in the HELL are you still talking to this man? He is a complete and total jerk. AND if his "new life" is so wonderful, why in the Hell is he talking to you? YOU HAVE GOT TO CUT THIS OUT!
Remember to ask yourself, "Does it hurt when I do that (meaning talking to him)?" Of course it does! So DON'T DO THAT!

Oh yes - CUT THE CONTACT! You'll feel so much better that you did - sooner than you think!

haha...maybe our ex's are related. And interesting how your ex still couldnt take responsibility with the next one! Yes, my counselor just said the same thing...why am i talking to him!? Many times he just sends these txt's and i dont respond. Other times he sucks me in. I feel like i'm turning a corner now though. You all are so helpful. I needed to talk to others that were married a long time like me because it IS different. Everyone here understands that and I dont feel so alone anymore. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

Wait Awalkinlight and kimank, he could be my ex's brother also. My ex's real brother would describe him in the same way as we would describe our ex's. He was emotionally abusive to him also. Well we are all better off!

Him telling YOU that his girlfriend asked HIM to marry him made me laugh. He's just trying to make you jealous. It's his way of still being abusive to you. Remember what she's getting...an abusive partner. Trust me, the Disneyland daddy will wear off. I almost married a guy like that. He'd call his ex and tell her where we'd just had dinner and that we were in the neighborhood and could we stop by and see the girls. I caught on quickly to what he was doing...trying to punish her for divorcing him. Then, I had questions as to why. I finally got my answers. His daughters are now grown and no longer need his child support and guess what? They no longer need him either. They were using him. His ex and I got close and I liked her very much and she's now very happy with a wonderful man. My former fiance remarried and how sorry I feel for her. I know she got a controlling man who is still eyeing me, but I pay him no attention whatsoever because he's still trying to punish me too. It's not working. I'm too smart for him! Hang in there. My ex tried the same thing and my daughter told me years ago that the gifts he got them were from both of them because she knew I'd get them if I could. Just give them all your best...cheerfulness, encouragement, support, because he's going to wear himself out. He can't keep up the facade of being "Mr. Nice Guy" because that's not him.

Yes drtexdi - we are all better off!!! And I agree with MarieBB - what in the world is he doing texting you? Trying to keep you in line and hoping there's still a chance with him - that's what! What a Bozo. These guys appear to have the same gene! My ex's girlfriend caught on to him a year after he and I divorced, and split, after giving him a very good piece of her mind. She caught him cheating. She got smart quicker than I did! And she and I are also friends now. A very nice girl that believed in all of his whining. Trust us kimank, you are going to be soooooo much better off - real soon now! I'm so glad you're here too - we all learn so much from each other. There is an MO - Method of Operation - to this type of person. You will begin to see this as you read what other people have to say about their experiences, or read books on cheating spouses, etc. That's when you begin to see that, YOU ARE THE NORMAL ONE! Happy Holidays!!

You are learning what this person is capable of ....his perversions and sick defenses. As others stated, he will operate in the like matter with the OW.....it doesn't work and will fail. You will be laughing as you sit back, thanking your lucky stars to be rid of this loser. You'll learn not to pay attention, disapprove, devalue, and dismiss his twisted versions. As a fact, you will re-learn that your beautiful loving character is what he hates and does not want you to HAVE. But you do have it. Know it, say it, show it, and be proud of it. Now run with it.

Remember that he'll do things JUST so you'll contact him. My ex even told me if I didn't answer my messages when I wouldn't take his calls that he was going to take our kids out of private school. I didn't believe he'd do that just to get to me, but I came home from work one night and found both my kids in my daughters room crying their eyes out as he'd just left and told them they'd have to come out of their school where they felt safe. I did EXACTLY what he WANTED me to do....called him and chewed hiim out. That's what he wanted.

Long story, but I kept them in that school and started calling his bluffs as when he registered them, then he told me they'd have to come out, so I told him to take back the registration. He was shocked because I wasn't getting upset. I'd decided I'd home school them before they'd go to that horrible public school in a nearby neighborhood and I'd just take them to social events at their school so they'd still have their friends. He made my kids a wreck.

Don't fall for his traps. He's just a jerk and she'll find out soon enough.