Yes hun what you are feeling is totally normal. Write about it all you can and don't hold anything back. Everything he is doing is just to get back at you. He certainly isn't getting any super prize with the new GF who has proposed. EX's seem to always flaunt the fun stuff they suddenly start doing with the kids too.

My kids are teens too and I don't really spend any good quality time with them. Most of it is the daily grind, but they know I love them and if they need anything they can come to me. They know I can't blow money on them. And you know what? My EX makes twice what I do and I'm paying for our oldest to attend college. When I gave him the bill (we agreed to split) he say's "Ok, but I don't know where the money is gonna come from." GEEEEZZZEEEE! Maybe he should uh...sell a toy or two? But I can't get angry at a pig for being a pig. He didn't plan and save while we were married so why would a divorce suddenly make him a great co-parent?

Your feelings are valid....just hang in there. The less contact you have with him the better off you will be. Work on yourself so that you can be a healthy loving partner in a relationship. Men will find that attractive and before long you will have a love interest and forget all about the EX and what he's doing.

(((HUGS)))

I'm pretty much with Misred on this. What you feel is normal BUT you no longer have this selfish and immature man tied around your throat and believe me HIS DAY WILL COME!

Keep contact with him to a minimum. If he can't seem to resist rubbing "his wonderful new life" under your nose, THEN YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM "I SIMPLY DO NOT CARE!" Your boys aren't kids anymore, so soon you won't have to have any contact with the X whatsoever.

In the meantime, talk to us when you are feeling this way and you might also want to consider getting yourself into some kind of individual counseling or therapy to work on your own self-esteem. Money can't buy self-esteem, but therapy is worth EVERY PENNY!

You say the marriage wasn't all that great, so BE PEACEFUL in the fact that you are out of it!
Hugs to you.

I understand how you feel. But its so true.
There day will come! My ex makes tons more than me and even this minute my girls are up in Breckenridge, skiing,going to tea in a castle, then to Denver to see the avalanche play hockey plus getting their hair done.this is the 4th year of this and guess what? Each girl calls me and says how much they miss me and can't wait to see me again. Their dad is the same as your ex. Always whining about how he's broke, ect
As long as you remain loving, Disneyland will wear off.

I agree about the no contact stuff. If he's telling you all about this stuff, tell him you don't care and hang up if necessary. All he's doing is "buying" the love of the children and that will get old soon (especially if there's a new wife--she won't like him spending all the money on the kids and not on her). Give it time.

As Cowgirl Kathi says, be happy to be away from a verbally abusive jerk. Sometimes I get a little upset when I think that my ex has a better situation than me, but then I think about how peaceful my life is without him in it and that's worth more than any amount of money. I know I will have a house one day and the things he has. But the one this he will NEVER HAVE is peace in his heart and integrity in his soul because money can't buy those things.

I would agree that perhaps getting some counseling would be good for you to do.

Sending hugs!

I agree about the no contact stuff. If he's telling you all about this stuff, tell him you don't care and hang up if necessary. All he's doing is "buying" the love of the children and that will get old soon (especially if there's a new wife--she won't like him spending all the money on the kids and not on her). Give it time.

As Cowgirl Kathi says, be happy to be away from a verbally abusive jerk. Sometimes I get a little upset when I think that my ex has a better situation than me, but then I think about how peaceful my life is without him in it and that's worth more than any amount of money. I know I will have a house one day and the things he has. But the one this he will NEVER HAVE is peace in his heart and integrity in his soul because money can't buy those things.

I would agree that perhaps getting some counseling would be good for you to do.

Sending hugs!

What a jerk to tell you his GF asked to marry him. How full of himself! Good for you dumping his arrogant butt, does he think you care. I believe the kids will figure him out.

Hang in there. Better off without that.

hugs.

Thanks to all of you for your support! I just felt awful this morning but you really helped! I can see that other ex's can be idiots as well. hugs to all of you :)

Yes, it seems we have all had this conversation with our ex's, haven't we? They always love to throw the new gf/bf in our faces. I'll have to say that I make 3 times what my ex does but I take care of all of our sons bills plus since the divorce was only final in march, I am paying many of his bills because bill collectors came after me because I make so much more. I am paying his hospital bills among other things. He still manages to have plenty of money for anything frivolous. CD's, DVD's, games,you name it. But like reasonably said, your kids know where their bread and butter come from. Just work on doing less expensive things together. My boys and I have done a fantasy football league all year and it is free. We are watching SNL right now. Plan silly stuff. It doesn't take much. Have fun with it.

Diane

((((HUGS)))) I'm sorry you are going through this...its a tough one. Really and truly NO CONTACT is the only way to go. I made a deal with my adult children that...what goes on in my life is between us...what goes on in there dads life is between them. They have honored that deal. The less I know the better I heal. You may have to do the same thing. Kids aren't dumb...they may follow the money trail at this stage of there life but as time goes on they will know where the love trail leads. Hang in there... you will be okay and so will your children. Big Hugs...Kathy

Their happiness is superficial hon, and what he has with the other woman is superficial also. I know how much it hurts, you feel like you're loosing your family. But the boys will see through it all. Embrace your sons and wish them a good time with their dad. All they are hoping for is the relationship with their dad that they probably never had. If they get a little further with him - great. But you will always be the special one in their heart, because I'm certain they have seen your struggles and know the kind of woman, wife and mother you were and are.

Let him flaunt, laugh, tease, and marry - what ever he wants to do. It won't last, with whimsical people like that, it just doesn't. Let his new girlfriend take home the 'prize'. Do you think for one minute he won't turn on her some day soon too? Mistreat her as he did you? She's next in line, my dear. Count your blessings, with tears in your eyes most likely, but count them, because I promise you that one day soon, you'll be the better for having gotten out of the that crazy making world of his. I agree with dairytech, have no contact, create healthy boundaries. You don't need to be bombarded with anymore of his foolishness. Let him love his life now - it's about to change anyways - poor guy! Focus on you and how brave you were to get out and move on. And move on you will. Make your kids a wonderful meal and have family days where you can give, talk and play with them. Be there for yourself and for them, and all will be well soon, I promise. I was married 37 yrs., have been divorced for 2, and what I recommend to you are things I learned and did throughout my most difficult years. Today I know longer care what he does, who he's with (and let me tell you it's not with the first girlfriend!). I live my life with my kids, grandkids, loving friends and family. I'm the happy camper today - I know you will be too, very soon! Happy Holidays my friend!

thank you. There are so many problems because I lived in an abusive (mostly emotional) relationship too long. Both my teen boys are abusive to me too. I know I have to have NO contact because when i do, i feel horrible. My stepdad sent a letter (not the first) putting my ex down for treating me wrong but did it in a way that was stupid and only hurt me, my mom and him. My ex showed it to my 18 yr old and he can only see what was said bad about his dad, and not see that his dad has said worse to me. I called my ex (dumb, I know!) to tell him he didn't need to show our son since he himself is so guilty of wrong doings. He said he now realizes he was never abusive to me. Saying I neglected him and that is why he would get so mean to me. He was hurting and It was me who abused him! Now i know no one really knows me here but i can tell you that, in spite of the abuse, I did the best I could to love him. I did what i thought were loving things, again, even tho he would tell me things like "you have a 1 good to 10 bad personality trait" or "you need to see what a real woman is like" and "you were a mistake (my mom had me young), you ruined her and everyones life", and would meanly compare me sexually to old girlfriends. I could write a book on his demeaning comments. It really hurts that he says he is so happy now and that it proves I am the problem, not him. He said he's never had any issues with any of the women he has been with since we separated one yr. ago. Told me to wake up and realize the whole marriage being bad was my fault. I've learned alot about abusive spouses and yet I still let his words hurt me.

Hmmmm. . . he sounds sooo familiar. . . is his name Lou by chance??? ;)

Okay Kimank, you need to find a really good counselor and stick with counseling for a very long time - for your own good. I was also abused, physically and emotionally. I recognize those words that you've heard. And it will only be when you go for counseling that you'll become 'acquainted' with this type of personality of men (some women, but mostly men). Have you ever heard of narcissim? You need to do a little rearch my friend, and see what you've been living with. Now, the sad thing is that many of these creatures find women like you and I - caregivers that believe we can help people become better people. Well, sometimes that's possible, but not with jerks like the one you are married too. Please get counseling. If you can't afford it, there are many organizations out there that are willing to help women get counseling. When you become healthier, and you will as soon as he's out of your life, you'll see much more clearly who the problem really is! But you have to take the time to get healthy first. I have been going through it myself and counseling has made all of the difference for me and I know it has also helped many ladies and gents on this site as well. Don't listen to his garbage - that's not who you are! Who knows your inner self better - he or you? Then trust yourself and put yourself around people that will lift you up, not continue to drag you down! Oh, and by the way, those narcistic fools? Well they say nasty things to make themselves feel better. You see, they are very insecure people. You could never tell by looking at them or listening to their self accolades. But they are! And don't let his successful public life fool you either. Not all people that are sick, look sick.

You take care hon. Take care of you!.

Hmmmm. . . he sounds sooo familiar. . . is his name Lou by chance??? ;)

Okay Kimank, you need to find a really good counselor and stick with counseling for a very long time - for your own good. I was also abused, physically and emotionally. I recognize those words that you've heard. And it will only be when you go for counseling that you'll become 'acquainted' with this type of personality of men (some women, but mostly men). Have you ever heard of narcissim? You need to do a little rearch my friend, and see what you've been living with. Now, the sad thing is that many of these creatures find women like you and I - caregivers that believe we can help people become better people. Well, sometimes that's possible, but not with jerks like the one you are married too. Please get counseling. If you can't afford it, there are many organizations out there that are willing to help women get counseling. When you become healthier, and you will as soon as he's out of your life, you'll see much more clearly who the problem really is! But you have to take the time to get healthy first. I have been going through it myself and counseling has made all of the difference for me and I know it has also helped many ladies and gents on this site as well. Don't listen to his garbage - that's not who you are! Who knows your inner self better - he or you? Then trust yourself and put yourself around people that will lift you up, not continue to drag you down! Oh, and by the way, those narcistic fools? Well they say nasty things to make themselves feel better. You see, they are very insecure people. You could never tell by looking at them or listening to their self accolades. But they are! And don't let his successful public life fool you either. Not all people that are sick, look sick.

You take care hon. Take care of you!.

I do see a counselor thru the local YWCA and it is specific to domestic voilence and is free! She is great. My counselor says he is classic abuser and yet I still beat up on myself saying, no one knows me as a wife except my ex so maybe he is right with some of his perceptions of me. He told me last nite I am going to have a hard time with a boyfriend because I neglect the man in my life. He never felt loved by me. I truly did love him but felt I never did anything right. I kept trying and trying tho! On good days, I can say i am a loving compassionate person so maybe that means I'm getting better! oh yes, I think narcissism fits him well! and I agree, those type of men do find women they can control and who fit the rescuer role so he can play the victim. Yep, he is insecure too but he comes across as quite an impressive man. He is smart, funny, romantic but also.... an abuser! He says he will not abuse his new love because she is not a cold bitch like me and he will do everything he can to make sure our boys dont marry a woman like me. I used to keep a diary of all the nice, romantic and loving things i did so that when he critisized me I good try to prove him wrong. Sad!

You really need to have no further contact with this man. End all conversations, phone calls, texts and emails. Before you can strengthen yourself you have to rid yourself of the illness...him. Be strong....no contact is the only way. Big Hugs...Kathy