Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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chrissym59 04/27/2009

, , , he's already planning on moving the skank in! She already has boxes there and she's making herself quite at home! My son who's 21 is so upset over all this crap. He won't talk about it much to me. He's pissed and upset at his dad. He talks a little to his girlfriend but I'm really concerned about him. He's holding too much in and I'm afraid he's gonna explode! He's pretty much moved in with his girlfriend - his clothes are there and most of his belongings but he can't seem to make the final move out of the house. He told his girlfriend that that's his "home" and he doesn't really want to leave. In the meantime his ahole father is just thinking of himself and doing what he damn well pleases. We were together 29 freaking years and he is acting as though those 29 years didn't even happen. Talk about devastating! I am beyond devastated. I just can't believe he's doing this and acting this way. I don't understand what's going on in his head. I can't stop thinking about all our years together and he's just living it up with this skank pig and acting like a teenager. How do I deal with this and try to get on with my life and help my son get through this too? I'm totally lost!

deleted_user 04/27/2009

I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. It's just heart wrenching to deal with. Regardless of the why's and how's, there is just nothing but time and movement that will get you through this. It's so sad to spend so much of your life loving someone who ultimately, hurts and betrays you. At least your son has a girlfriend that he can confide in. That's a good thing. The ripple effect this stuff causes everyone is just awful.

Please know that although you are overwhelmed right now with emotion - it will pass. It takes time and a lot of tears, but you'll be okay. As will your son. I pray for your strength and guidance to get you through this. You're not alone. Come here to rant, vent, cry and complain. In this very special place you will never be judged and always understood. Big hugs.

deleted_user 04/27/2009

Your worry about your son makes me think about mine. He is just 16, and he already finds it his job to look after me. He notices things that his father doesn't, and he seems to want to protect me as much as I want to protect him. This may be something he cannot talk to you about, because he wants to protect you from more pain. Just be there and love him. He will figure it out. ...I am so sorry that you are going through this. Keep us informed and you have our support and our ear.

fatallove 04/28/2009

I know how much it hurts. My ex moved in with his whore and he has 50% custody of my 8 and 12 year old so they now live with her too. It is a hard hard pill to swallow. I wish I knew the secret to getting over it but as I still can hardly believe it myself, I don't have any magic spells to make it all better. What I can tell you is that your son is smart enough to see the whole picture and he's old enough that you don't have to worry about the skank being any competition for you! He will stand by you and you can be there for him when he needs to vent. You are his mom, she is the skank and I guarantee that's exactly how your son sees it! Be good to each other!

deleted_user 04/28/2009

I'm so sorry. Talk about a midlife crisis. Your stbx is in a full blown one. Or he is just nuts. There is nothing you can do about this. It's really sad that they lose all common sense. Hugs.

chrissym59 04/29/2009

Thanks everyone for your responses and kind words. Just coming here and reading helps me a lot. I know my son will be fine but I'm a mother - it's my job to worry! I know we'll both be fine in due time. We just need to go through the process I guess but honestly I wish it was over already!

sfsoccermom 04/29/2009

Healing hugs coming your way right now. As much as we want time this all to be over quickly, it does take time. Along the way we learn a lot about ourselves. I have been where you are, and I can honestly say, time does heal. Your son will be okay. Mine is only 14 and he tries to protect me also and it just breaks my heart. They know what their fathers did and they will work through it somehow as will we. 4 weeks is still so fresh. Just keep coming here and venting. We are here whenever you need us.

deleted_user 04/29/2009

I'm just wondering if you can charge her rent. I would go in and out of the house at will. That will drive them crazy and they'll probably change the locks though. It's not legal to in my state if you own it too.

MsTerey 04/29/2009

Do you own the house with him? I am confused as your profile says you were divorced in 1991 and it sounds like you got back together between then and now and were living together, but legally divorced.

I also would be worried if I had a son that was moving in with his girlfriend Is it possible that he really doesn't want to move in with her, but this is his only option. Do you have space for him and where are you living... sorry for so many questions.. I just hate to see that your son is hurting too. You will get through this.. Hugs

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