Good for you Gocubbies. I was getting a little worried about you (afraid that your wife might take advantage of you). Keep us posted and come here with any questions. People here have a wealth of information about these things.

Gocubbies: It's not easy -- this divorce thing -- but filing is a sign that you have reached the point of acceptance - a major step forward.

Know that we are here to stand beside you in all of what is yet to come. I am personally holding you in my thoughts and prayers.

Well, the bad thing is my state is an "at will" state. She has caused so much pain for me, the kids, my parents and family that she will still get half of everything. The plus side since she didn't pay bills is that she will have to pay half of those and hopefully will have to pay some of my kids college. I still am paying all the bills.

Please visit here often-it's going to be a long rollercoaster ride. So sorry you are in pain

I'm sorry cubbies... divorce sucks - but life after can be glorious.

Cubbies, I'm sorry that you're going through this. It is tough, but we are all here to tell you that you will be okay. If you haven't already, get a good counselor and talk, talk, talk about your feelings. This is important because you will be on an emotional roller coaster for a while and so will your kids. On a positive note, being divorced is much better than living with a person who is unhappy and doesn't want to work on the relationship. I do not miss "Mr. Miserable". :-)
Hugs,
T.

Gocubbies, you wrote "... the bad thing is my state is an "at will" state." What does THAT mean? I have never heard that term used here before or in relation to separation or divorce.

The business about the money is just that -- business -- just one part of divorche. The most difficult aspect of ending a marriage is, indeed, the emotional part. Remember to be gentle with yourself and don't allow your better judgment to be impaired by your feelings.

Hang tough, my friend. We are all with you in this.

Try to think of this as one step done on the road to a new and better life for you and your kids.
We will be here for you every step of the way.
(hugs)

I think he mixed up employment "at will" and divorce "equitable distribution."

I know this isn't what you wanted, but I echo what HealingT said, being divorced is much better than living and dealing with someone who is unhappy and doesn't want to work on the relationship.

There are many stages to the realization of "its over". More than likely, the marriage has been over for sometime.
You need to focus on the positive. The things that helped me was to recognize the things I did have in my life.
My mother used to tell me, No matter how bad you think you have it, there is always someone who has it worse than you.
I can example that by this incident. My mother died in 2001 from cancer. Although she was "terminal" for quite some time, it wasn't "visiable" to others. At one point we were in the waiting room of the oncologist, and she looked over at another patient in a wheelchair that appeared weak, and emaciated My mother motioned to me to come closer and whispered to me to let the receptionist know that she wanted the other patient to go in front of her (my mother) because she was sicker. That simple act was powerful. As I looked around the room people were in various stages of their disease, some very sick, some looking "normal" as my mother. My mother that thought she was "ok" died 6 weeks later.
So no matter your feeling of hurt, betrayal or loss... there is always someone whose shoes you would not wish to be in.
stay strong...share with us and heal...
Hugs
Nannie

NannieBE - your mother's way of thinking is exactly what gets me through when I'm feeling down. The day my husband left me , a little girl was abducted from her bedroom not 5 miles away from me. I thought to myself, no matter how bad I feel, it can't compare to the anguish of that family .

Gocubbies - I'm also in the first stage of this awful situation. My mantra - Try to stay positive, cry when you feel like it, love your children and remember that life is a beautiful thing and sometimes we have to hurt to get to a better place.

Hugs...its a tough road but a road we have all taken and survived. You will be okay. We are here to help in any way we can...Big Hugs...Kathy

Hi i was married for 23 years when i realised it was over. Well I knew that I did not feel the same about him but decided to do something about it last year. I filed and will be divorced soon. I wont lie to you it has been the most difficult and emotional time of my whole 45 years on God's earth but i know I made the right decision for me. There may be times when you doubt your decision which is natural - its a big decision but for me I had to remind myself of why I left and ask if I wanted to spend another 10, 20 or however many years like that, i didn't. I went through grieving the loss of a dream, depression, loneliness, anger, you name it but I am much much stronger than i was. I am getting there and you will too. All the very best to you.

It is good to hear you are moving on. I have to sell our house not knowing where I will live because my spouse (of 23 years) want to live like he did at 25: without any responsibility of any kind except what he wants to incur for himself. Over the last several years he acccumulated debt on what is now three credit cards. I have worked all my life except for an interval when we had two boys. He has gotten himself in such a financial mess he feels trapped and wants to liquidate our house to get out of debt, have money and live on his own. Meanwhile we have two boys in university, one of whom still lives at home. My employment contract is over and I am now searching for another position, with my home going up for sale in September and at this point no where else to live. And yes - I have tried, evverything I can - to get a second chance to save this marriage - but now I have to accept that my soul mate no longer loves me. He cherishes the lifestyle of his young gay colleague with no children, no financial responsibilites and a very active recreational lifestyle. To capture this lifestyle, he will give up a life with someone who truly loves him, his family with two boys who are now young adults, and the chance to live the life we could have had as we grow more mature together.

Fortunately the message I keep getting here is other people are ravaged this way and move on.

all the best to you.

Great to see you're moving on already, Gocubbies.