I'm truly sorry that I've missed so much here over the last several months. I really missed the connection with all of you. Yet, it was a fruitful absence. I finally graduated with my BS in Environmental Biology and then only a few days later moved, AGAIN, and now have a beautiful new townhouse near my hometown where all my friends and many of my relatives are. Now, I'm working to find a job to pay off the student loans :) All in good time.

A friend of mine pointed something out to me that I wanted to share. She said that where before I was living a life in fear - fear that he didn't love me, fear that he would leave me, fear that I wasn't good enough for him or his family or just in general - now I've accomplished a truly challenging task ALL ON MY OWN, and nobody can take that away from me. Before, I was afraid to step out and take risks on my own. I genuinely believed that I was nothing and could do nothing without him. HE played no role in my earning my degree, unless you count that he still has to pay me alimony. My friend says I stand taller, more proud, and am not always slinking in fear. Now that I've accomplished this seemingly insurmountable task, I don't have to fear anything. If I can do this, I can do anything. The same is true for each of you. We are all terribly hurt and emotionally bruised when we are rejected and discarded by the one person we believed would never abandon us. At times, it seems as though we must have done something to deserve it and we are worthless. Gradually, and ever so subtly, things shift and we begin to see that we have worth just by being. Tackling a life goal may help, but this realization can occur without it.

Over these last 3 years since he left me, I've lived on my own, put my own furniture together, done my own auto maintenance (he never did it anyway), fixed my own computer problems, hooked up all my electronics, etc. etc. without him. Each one of these was a tiny victory. But, earning my degree was most definitely the feather in the cap. I know that he was telling his family that I wouldn't do it, that I couldn't do it. It feels really good that he has to eat a lot of crow right now. And it does make me feel better that so many of them have taken notice on FB and sent me congratulatory messages. I'm sure that chaps his hide more than a little.

Now that I'm back in my old stomping grounds, I hope to reconnect with the little girl who once had so much courage and spent hours traipsing through the woods on her own. I want to find that girl who believed all things were possible. I think I'm well on my way.

I've been thinking of each of you and praying for you and hoping that you are each moving on in your lives with grace and peace. Hugs and love to you all.

Kim