The whole process of divorce sucks.
I have made it to the other side finally. It has changed who I am hopefully for the better but I am not sure yet. I am 100% more independent, no longer a needy woman and that is a good thing!


Hang in there and hopefully it will not be long and drawn out for you .

((hugs))

I understand what you're saying.
I'm divorced 2 years now and I still have times that are emotionally difficult.
This group is a great place to vent.
((hugs))

Bob, welcome to your new reality. Getting divorced SOUNDS worse than it actually is. The process is a bitch, but if you take the time and effort to WORK ON YOURSELF, you will come out of it like I did (more than 5 years ago). You will come to see this change in your life as a big "DO-OVER" -- something that most people never get.

Hang in there and know we are all here to support you!

Bob, You have worked on your alcoholism and drug addiction, and I encourage you to stay in your programs and work the steps. It will help with divorce also. Divorce is another huge layer that can cause even more stress, even more so with someone who has been struggling with so much addiction. I am not sure if you have sponsor, because I did see something you wrote somewhere about that, but if you do, please please call.

AND as always if you do not have a therapist, please consider getting one. You need to take care of you and your needs, and you have wrote how depressed you are. My best to you!

Hi Bob...welcome. I can honestly say...divorce is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with to date....Ive done it twice to the same man. I am almost 3 years post divorce for the 2nd time. I have survived and you will too. This is a great place for support and to vent...I am so happy you found your way here...Big Hugs...Kathy

Yes in fact, my doctor told me that my mental health is negatively affecting my physical health! High, uncontrollable blood pressure (already on 2 medications for it), High cholesterol and high blood sugar. Losing weight like crazy. Not good.

My AA sponser said that if I can make it through this without taking a drink then I can make it through anything but not quite sure I will make it. I just am so devastated. My wife is the last person in the world I ever thought would cheat on me. Now she wants just about everything! I just have days when I don't even want to live anymore. I wish I could afford to move out of this house but I can't.

Bob - you sound really low. I hope you will get some help asap! There IS life after separation and divorce. All of us here are 'survivors' and some of us have even got to 'thrivers' (I made this word up!)

Hang in there, stay the course with your recovery processes. You will make it, but you don't have to do it alone. We are here, but we are online....get some personal help from friends family and a good therapist. Perhaps a divorce support group in your area?

Since you are accustomed to group work (AA etc.) you would likely feel at home going to a divorce support group. Good luck - it's a tough haul, but you can make it through. Best!

Hi Bob. Welcome here. Loss of love and divorce are not easy. It sucks, but I'm here to tell you there's life beyond and it can be pretty good.

I spent twenty very unhappy years trying to make it right with my ex. I have no idea why he didn't go if he was so unhappy that he would cheat and not be there much, and blame me for every little thing, but he didn't. Anyway, one day I decided it was all too much, and I am so happy that I no longer have to deal with him on a daily basis, and I no longer worry about my unhappy marriage.

Grab a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left you write the Good Things about your divorce happening. On the right, you put the Not So Good Things. Really apply yourself and see what you come up with. Start with "the freedom to do whatever you like", "not having to worry where she is and what she's doing", and just let it all flow from there.

Then go outside and walk barefoot on the grass for a while. Sit quietly in the garden or countryside, and quietly get to know who Bob is/was again.

Good on you for managing your drinking. I think that's fantastic because it's not easy.

I'm with the others on keeping up your therapy and recovery process, especially when you're feeling a bit down. That's the time to reach out and be happily surprised at how many people want to help.

love and hugs
kamary

Bob don't give up for sure! We will all support you thru this time. It really is shitty for sure but u have made it thru some of the worst. Be good to yourself and remember that your health is most important- you are worth it!
Hugs,cheryl

Bob divorce is hard but I can tell you that eventually it will get better. There will be steps forward and back again. Gradually those backward steps will end and you will become a "thriver". I consider myself one of Iammine's thrivers.

Find a Divorce Care group out of one of your local churches. It does help to be around people going thru the same things you are but I'm sure you already know this.

Stay busy, take care of yourself. You will make it thru this.

I honestly can't think of anything good about divorce atm but I'll keep trying. Thankyou all for your support.

Bob, that's ok. Please know that I don't ever expect people to do what I say just because I say it. I just like to offer ideas and if you want to, that's great. If you don't, that's ok too. Do whatever you need to do to get through this your own way. We're all different. What a boring old world it'd be if we weren't.

love and hugs
kamary

Iammine and Trish brought up a really good suggestion...Divorce Care. I went to it on my first divorce and it was a life saver. I hadnt found this site until my 2nd divorce. What was really great about it was there were other people going through the same thing..in real time. I made some really great friends going there. Just google it and follow the questions until you find one close to you. That along with this site you will have tons of support. I would even look into finding a good therapist as well...my best friend is one and she was my main supporter through this living hell. Big Hugs...Kathy

Bob - yes, it is hard, but you will find that your life can be better in the long run. i have no regrets and a much happier life now.

Yup it's hard and it does suck. But your making room for a new and happier life.