Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Hi everyone. I'm new here. I've been a member of Haven of Peace for Estranged Parents on DS for a while, and have only recently discovered this group.
I was married for 35 years and have been divorced for 3. I have 3 chidren, one of whom is estranged. One of the others also estranged for a while. They're all distancing, and seem to favour their father even though he was never there when they were growing up and I was the primary caregiver.
I'm happy that I'm no longer in an unhappy, emotionally abusive marriage. I was the one who left. The main grief is for what should have been - the dreams. My difficulty now is the distancing and estrangement of my children. I thought a new, happier mum would make our relationships stronger. I thought they had seen what the marriage was like for me, and that they'd understand. My ex and I are not friends and probably never will be, which must be hard for the kids. The disappointment in finding that I don't have their unconditional support and love is huge.
Are any of you experiencing similar treatment after divorce? How do you cope? Can you explain it? How do you find the courage to go on despite it?
love and hugs
kamary
I was married for 35 years and have been divorced for 3. I have 3 chidren, one of whom is estranged. One of the others also estranged for a while. They're all distancing, and seem to favour their father even though he was never there when they were growing up and I was the primary caregiver.
I'm happy that I'm no longer in an unhappy, emotionally abusive marriage. I was the one who left. The main grief is for what should have been - the dreams. My difficulty now is the distancing and estrangement of my children. I thought a new, happier mum would make our relationships stronger. I thought they had seen what the marriage was like for me, and that they'd understand. My ex and I are not friends and probably never will be, which must be hard for the kids. The disappointment in finding that I don't have their unconditional support and love is huge.
Are any of you experiencing similar treatment after divorce? How do you cope? Can you explain it? How do you find the courage to go on despite it?
love and hugs
kamary
Lynne
My difficulty is that people can be influenced and I think that negative talk such as what my ex says about me will affect their decisions. During talks just prior to her estrangement, my ED used words that she doesn't normally use - words straight out of my ex's mouth - to describe me. During counselling, my now DD did the same thing. I remember being shocked that they would use the same words he used to use to abuse me when he never abused me in front of them. The only way they could have added those words to their vocab would have been if he'd been talking about me. PAS in other words.
I just hope that he will one day show his true self to them as he did to me. Not that I want them to be hurt but he led me to believe he was lovely and loving for a few years before his true self came out.