Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

Huge update

notsurewhy
notsurewhy

Hi Everyone,


well it's been a couple months, most know my story.


Things have changed over the last few months, I now have temp. custody of my 13 y/o daughter who posted video's on line of her with a knife to her wrist crying and saying goodbye, thank god another student saw this and notifed school officals right away. so she is out of the unsafe environment, long road ahead of us, she's in therpary once a week , it's been three weeks she's been with me and she's doing really really well..  I think just being in a loving home where someone actually pays attantion to her helps. 


Right before this happened, my ex-wife dirtbag boyfriend called the towns building inspector to report me living in an illegal apartment , how he knew i have no idea, but i guess an in-law needs to have an open door between units, so my son and I got evicted , which was a blessing cause I found a townhouse for rent which is perfect for me and all three on my children. so haha asshole! you did us a favor.


The temp. custody change is till court in June, them I pray to god it's permanant and I get my 15 year old daughter as well who still does not want to be there, i'm sure she's sad that her brother and sister live with Dad and not her...


Still doing the high conflict parenting class, seems to be breaking the ice a little, at least now there more communication between ex and myself,  more so probly cause my youngest will not talk to her nor does she want to see her.. that's another part on the long road for my daughter, at the end of the day it's still her mom and a girl should be close with both parents, but mom has to wake up and want this or she'll be sorry in the end..


Everyday is an emotional rollercoaster , I just think of my baby saying she wants to die and I lose it, to think it has got to this point breaks my heart in pieces, I just keep my head up high and love her the best i can, my kids are my world..


It's been a bumping month but we're holding our own and will continue to..


God Bless everyone is this tangled mess of divorce.

Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
hugs my friend. Thank God that her friend had the courage to notify the school and the principal took action. The courts do not like to see that and I am sure that you will get permanent custody of the kids. All you can do is love her and make sure that she feels safe.
notsurewhy
notsurewhy
Heads spinning with emotion rught now.
Yesterday dhe got phone taking away cause she deleted texts, this morning we talked and i said im going to trust you and give your phone back but will spot check you and when i ask for it you hand it over, if you delete anything you will lose it snd ill get you a flip phone with only voice no text or internet. She agreed.
Well tonight i spot checked was ok, then legit ten minutes she starts texting her friend snd asking me if she can go the baseball game tomorrow, which is off limits cause a boy broke her heart and i dont want her there.
So i asked for her phone and sure enough two texts that were there 10 minutes ago were gone! She deleted them.
So i took phone. She cried all night and herself to sleep.
I feel like the worst persin in earth.
Shes going to say i want yo go with mom.
I csn see it now.
Crushed here and dont know what to do
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
My friend, she is a teen, her hormones and emotions are bouncing off the wall like an Indian Rubber ball. Especially girls. They take everything as if it is the end of the world. You were right, these are the rules, you agreed to them, you break them, these are the consequences. You followed through, That is amazing. That is what they need, disciple, guidance and all the love you can give her. Go for group therapy, teen and parent therapy. Both of you need it. I hate to say it, but it might get worse before it gets better. They will realize what you are doing is for their own good and that you love them.
cmonge
cmonge
the toughest years with my daughter were between 12 and 16. It rips your heart to pieces when they say they hate you, or worse - threaten to harm themselves. I've been there, and you must keep vigilance just like you are doing, but it is a very very tough thing to do. Continue therapy, even if she starts to say she doesn't need it. Find a friend to vent to because you need another adult to share with. (we are here too, of course!). Without a partner your job is even harder.
Misred
Misred
Hang in there. I agree with Atpeacemary and cmonge. Stay the course. It will be long, but you both will reach the other side better off. You cannot be a friend to her...most likely that's part of why she's in the bad place she is in because Mom tries to be a friend and not a parent. (((HUGS)))
notsurewhy
notsurewhy
Thank you, I agree I have to stay the course.. I know she know better but it's so hard not to give in... one day at a time.. I give her a chance, if she blows it she has to learn.. and crying will not get her anywhere... hurts me more than her, but I have to be firm...
yougospam
yougospam
Hang in there, it's a rough time of life for them and us! After my first divorce, my daughter (who chose to come with me) pulled the "I'm going to go live with dad" spill after we had an argument. I kind of expected it so I said, ok if that is what you want, I'll help you pack (I am sure I said it nicely with profound words of wisdom, ha ha) She stayed and never tried that again. I did have a melt down after though as I would have been a mess with out her.

Good luck, we girls can be moody things at times, just sayin................
notsurewhy
notsurewhy
Hello Again,
Update, court has come and gone, I have perm. custody of 13 y/o , 15 y/o is still with Ex, the probate dept. is now ordered to interview her to see where she would like to live and why... there is the light at the end of the tunnel.
Probate has till the end of Aug to finish report, interview has not been done yet, ( been one month since ordered)
13 year old is going wonderful ! she's like a whole new child, still a long road to go but we are travelling it together, sure there's bumps , but we have 4wd.
Schools out, so it's a little challenging some days she's home alone, I give her a list of things to take care of which she does..
her older sister came over the other night while younger was doing laundry and she was like OMG IS SHE DOING LAUNDRY !! lol was awesome....
so I have two of the 3 kids, court suspended my child support payments, money is still being held up but it's ok, it's money in the bank....
have some tight days money wise, but it's ok.. we were together.
Still have a court date once interview is done, which is scheduled for October , but if court report is done sooner my lawyer will file for motion..
kinda crazy things are falling into place, but I still don't trust court system at all....
movingon2016
movingon2016
Awesome! Sounds like you really have it going on! Good luck!
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