Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

506 Members

7,364 Posts

0 Online

texlube 08/02/2014

For those of you who have come out of the angry phase, I need some suggestions as to how you did it. I am stuck. I have lots of anger at this point in time, but I do not know how to express it. I am standing up for myself more in the divorce proceedings, so the angry feelings are motivating me to act differently, but I often feel bad about the evil thoughts that cross my mind. The anger has led to a return of really obsessive thinking about the whole situation. Do kicking and screaming really work? Does STBX bashing with a neutral party help, or am I just building on the bad feelings?

Time4Kim 08/30/2014

Couldn't have said it any better myself. I'm still struggling with anger, of a delayed variety that has me quite confused at the moment. But, this too will pass. I find that talking it out, even if it's just to my dog, is the best way for me to deal with my anger. I also work out, meditate and journal, a lot! And, all of you here have been quite a Godsend. I've been away for a while trying to get acclimated to my new classes, which is another source of frustration. The anger never just dissipates. I have to work through it. Then and only then will I be free of it. I'm a work in progress. We all are. All any of us can do is take it one step at a time.

movingon46 09/14/2014

goldengir, that's the best advice I have heard from anyone concerning my anger over my ex-wife. Thank you, my divorce should be final in about 60 days as well.

iammine 09/16/2014

I agree with texlube about journaling. I found it really therapeutic in the early days when I just couldn't process all of the feelings. Somehow, writing them down sort of made them move down through my body.....to my hand, and straight out through that pen and onto the page.

Sometimes I wrote extensive, elaborate thoughts. Sometimes I scrawled I HATE HIM and I WANT HIM TO DIE and other hateful things. Sometimes, I wrote inspirational notes to myself, like I WILL HAVE A GOOD LIFE. I remember writing I HAVE LOVE IN MY LIFE to remind me that ....I still DID have love in my life! So do you!

Who's to know what's on those pages after all? It's for your eyes only. Try it! Be angry. Be joyful. Be hopeful. Be scared. Be anything you want or need to be. In the end...you need to be there for YOURSELF. It's all you in the end. And you, my friend, are enough! Hugs

iammine 09/16/2014

sorry, not "texlube" but meant that I agree with Misred about the benefits of journals. This site is jumpy today...and so am I!

1Timeforhim 09/17/2014

Caligirl that is truly an inspiration..........hhhmmm I like it. A little take back of your self very inspiring......better than this stupid victim role thanks I'm from california too !!! Lost it living in florida with the ex since 17......lots of me to get back

texlube 09/19/2014

Thanks to all for sharing your experiences and advice. I'm still working on this!

Join the Conversation