followed the thread,
i had a neighbor like that guy, his wife was a sweetheart, they were older, would invite us over for diner, he'd fawn all over my kids and shit on his wife, i couldn't take it, stopped going, his wife asked me what was up, i tried to not answer then i did, if i had to do over again .... i'd give one from the shoulder

me... i'm not an emasculated husband, her abuse was need, need to be happy, need to have that, need a bigger that, then shinier, need to find herself, always a new gig, yoga, triathlons, seminars, clubs, committees, tenderness and softness from her always came with a price or strings, i let her pull and jerk the strings and build a web all i loved her tenderness........the ptsd for me is seeing the tenderness was just a tool and i was a fool in that i thought it was for me

I can't say that I was emotionally abused -- but I was definitely emotionally NEGLECTED.

I totally get the drip drip--I've often said verbal/emotional abuse sneaks up on a person. I've often said I should send the skank ho/now wife a thank you note for taking my lying, cheating, verbally/emotionally abusive ex off my hands.

Some of this rang a VERY loud bell to me...no physical abuse, BUT "the jokes" at my expensive..the walking on eggshells...the scars noone could see...His was a quiet abuse...such a "nice guy" to the outside world. The worst was "the wall" he built around him that I couldn't break through...the anxiety I felt because he wouldn't talk about our issues and chose not to be home or spend time with me.

The only life I'd ever known was at stake...my family...I was not raised to divorce, my marriage was sacred, so I fought for my marriage....my family, and what did I get in the end? 4 daughters who favor their father and agree with him to divorce if you're unhappy and start over. They bought his bs...like it's that simple. I hope one day they have families of their own and understand...All they saw was a mother who allowed it and didn't leave. I feel like it will always be a wall between me and my daughters. ..

Other than the physical abuse...I could have written this article.

Wow - my ex-husband was nothing like this, but I was in a very verbally abusive relationship for five years prior to marrying my ex. It never got as far as described here, but the initial steps were all there. VERY scary. disliking my friends, my family, isolating me, criticizing my attire - "dress more provactively" then,, "why are you dressing so slutty?", "get this haircut"... "Why don't you ever make dinner for me and my roommates?" (this after only about 3 weeks). Everything wrong in his life was someone else's fault Thank God he re-joined the military and I broke off the engagement because I didn't want to move away.

I thought about this overnight. In some ways, I suppose I could call the "emotional neglect" was also accompanied by some emotional abuse.

He could take all the joy out of something I was excited about (like finishing a major landscape project in the yard) with just a few words...like "You need to find something more MEANINGFUL to do rather than digging in the dirt." What a dickhead! He never quite "got it" that all the landscaping I did ALL BY MYSELF was improving our property and making it the 7 Acres of Paradise that I loved!.

And he rarely missed an opportunity to make cutting remarks to me and about me when we were in the company of friends.

Yup, that's definitely emotional abuse.

yep Kathi - it is - it's just a sneakier way to get the message across! :(

Not my wasband, thank the Lord, but my ex boyfriend before him.... not physically abusive, but emotionally torturous. Took me from "funny, goofy, friendly, bright, to isolated, poor self esteem/image, controlled and co-dependent." Luckily for me, he pushed one button too many; got up out of bed one night and announced he had a date with a stripper he'd met the weekend before. Seriously, he expected me to be "trained" well enough to accept that!?? Like I couldn't live with out him? He figured wrong. This was the first indicator of infidelity, and the last.
Even 35 years ago, I was able to find an all night store with door locks for sale, and his things were sitting on the outside of the new locks the next morning. I was miserable for a long time, but realized I was better off alone than with a manipulative, abusive son of a bitch like that.... sorry, shouldn't say that, his mom was really nice.... Anyway, I avoided that with my husband, but still ended up being neglected by a self centered addict. At least I don't have to re-learn the "better off alone" than in a bad relationship portion of the lessons, I know them well enough!
Kathi... you and CMonge are right; just because he was abusing you passive-aggressively, doesn't mean he wasn't abusing you.
Thanks for sharing this Kim. Good info!