The last week has been a tough one and I have been more depressed than I have in a while. For the last couple of weeks, I\'ve been thinking that I need some kind of contact with a man. I don\'t want physical contact but I was thinking just starting with emails and then moving on (or not) from there. A nice slow transition. I\'ve been on a couple of match sites but haven\'t joined any yet. Then today I was at a book store and suddenly had the urge to just go wild and \"hook up\" with any guy (unmarried) I could. When I say hook up, I don\'t necessarily mean sex, but just some kind of relationship. It\'s been 10 months since the asswipe moved out. There are times when I swear I will never get married again and the thought of being in a relationship is sickening, but I keep feeling like if I had an email relationship with someone that might lead to more I would feel better.

I know it sounds a bit desperate but has anyone else felt that way? I know that I\'m supposed to get okay with being \"alone\" but I feel like I am getting more depressed the longer I try to \"find myself\". In the beginning I was very eager to be the real me and thought it was my chance to do all the things I had wanted to but didn\'t and I did for a short time. And it was okay (fun just isn\'t in my vocab anymore) but now I find myself slipping back into old habits and getting more depressed. I feel lost and confused again. Is this all normal? Another phase I have to go through? Any thoughts? Is my email guy just me grasping at anything or am I really ready to slowly get out there?