I will add my legal knowledge in here. One thing you can do is find in your own state all the legal paperwork on line. Everyone needs a financial disclosure statement. Both parties fill it out seperately. it can also as a worksheet to remind us all of the expenses we may have forgot.

Go to www.divorceinfo.com and use it. Print out the worksheets. If your income is less than his, or vice versa the courts work out an agreement. If you make less than him there are all kinds of "deals" to work out. He may have to pay something to make up any inequity over a number of years of in a trade off for the house for an example. Use the website, it is written my a lawyer and the information is correct.

Sign nothing with out a lawyer. I have the last typed settlement offer the ex sent me framed in my in office. The one that says I get nothing out of the retirements account. When I feel bad, I look at that...

I'm so so sorry Chrissy. I wish I could do something to help. You have got to believe everyone here, you can afford a lawyer. You can't afford not to have one. Some will even allow you to make payments or get paid after you get some of your money. Talk to one. Talk to two. Check the phone book. You'll see the ones that offer free consults. In that free consult you'll be wondering why you hadn't done it sooner!!!! You have rights.

Hugs hugs hugs huge huge hugs!

Thank you so much everyone for your support, hugs and advice.

It's been a very rough afternoon for me. I knew it was coming eventually, but once again I feel blind-sided. I had no idea he was ready to file.

As with everything so far, he's gone about this all wrong. It would have been nice after 23 years if he would have called me and said, "I just want you to know that I'm seeing a lawyer in 2 days and I'm filing for divorce". It would've also been nice if he would've called his own kids and gave them a heads up instead of surprising us all.

I should have known better - he's been a coward through this whole thing. He blind-sided me on Feb 18 when he told me he didn't love me anymore; blind-sided again on May 5 when he told me he was moving out; now blind-sided again on Oct 7 with the divorce papers.

I told him I'm not signing anything. I did call my lawyer but I have to call again tomorrow to find out how the retainer is handled. I'm hoping she can work it into his settlement to me. She called back in a vm and told me he cannot serve his own divorce papers to me. She said it's called unlawful service or something like that. I know he thought this is what I asked for, but as usual he doesn't listen to me as I asked him to have his attorney give them to my attorney - well since I don't have an attorney, he thought giving them to me himself was easiest for me. Imagine getting handed your divorce papers from your husband of 20 years when you don't want a divorce at all. I don't know what he was thinking - I think it's pretty heartless.

I am going for the moon and he can dicker all he wants, I will get some justice out of this for me and my kids. He took the best part of me and my life and threw it all away - you can bet your bottom dollar I will get what I deserve if it takes 10 years.

Thank you so much every one of you. You are my daily source of support and I would be totally lost without you.

Chrissy, I'm so sorry. I don't know if any words could bring you comfort right now, hugs to you and I'm here to listen. One question thought, did he have an attorney? If he does then he shouldn't be the one to serve you, the attorney should be the one or the sheriff. If you are doing the paperwork yourself then you should have an attorney look it over before you proceed with the divorce. I thought I was prepared for the divorced when it was filed but when we went to court, I thought my life was over. I couldn't stop crying and the pain was so great that I thought I would die, but everyone said there is life after divorced it is true but we approached it at our own phase. We're here to listen, laugh and cry with you.

That's true Chrissy. I was not allowed to take the paperwork to Theo and I was in Michigan too. It would have been considered coercion - sooooooooo you really need a lawyer. Is there any way I can help you find one?

Chrissy,

I am so sorry that it happened this way.....My X filed on me behind my back in Texas and then was to chicken to serve me.He led me to believe for one year that he wanted to try and work it out all the while spending our money behind my back. I did get wise and hire my own attorney and it was the smartest thing I ever did. If he will not give you the money for your own attorney, then borrow the money from someone but you MUST get your own attorney to protect yourself and your kids.All bets are off, do not expect or trust him to do the right thing. I am sorry that you too have to go through this, but KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! Hugs To You.....

I'm so sorry for the emotional toll this is taking on you (on all of us). Please take your time now, as much as is allowed by law and really pour over the settlement, have all of your smart friends look at it, and hire a lawyer or consult legal aid. Please do not let him wear you down over the business stuff now - bring out mother-bear to protect yourself and your children. Good luck, and take care.

I'm so sorry Chrissy...hang in there..be strong and you will get through this.

sending big hugs your way

What is it about the 23 year mark that seems to be the breaking point for so many marriages? Chrissy614, know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers today -- all day -- as I have been exactly where you are and it was the hardest time of my life. I, too, held out hope in what was (from the beginning) a hopeless situation. My ex left our home in late August 30, 2005 -- I have no idea how he thought things were going to go from there -- but I never filed until the end of April 2006. I ended up engaged in the fight of my life over FAIR SETTLEMENT TERMS and he still wanted to screw me over. I suppose when they walk out on you, they think you will be so devastated that you will roll over for a few crumbs and be grateful to them. DON'T ROLL OVER. DON'T LET THE COST OF AN ATTORNEY DAUNT YOU. I had to take a loan out against our Home Equity Line to retain an attorney and in the end, my EX had to repay the entire $10,000. So, in essence, he had to pay for my attorney and his. You take care of yourself today and don't sign or agree to anything without benefit of legal counsel.

Chrissy, my dear friend. I'm SO SORRY! I so feel your pain. You wrote it so well. I know it all so sounds so hollow with the depth of the pain you are feeling. I am with you. I will be praying for you today. Wish I could hug you in person and spend some time with you to just let you know that this is going to be ok down the road. Right now it just hurts like hell! ((((((((((((((Chrissy)))))))))))))))). Love you my friend.

Chrissy im so sorry hun , you need to call an attorneys office, in the state of Michigan if your spouse hires and attorney for him or her self they have to pay for the attorney for the other but there are always exceptions to the rule. I know I can hire an atttorney and not have to pay for it because of my situation. I have to pay half up front which I will get reimbersed for. Please call around and ask there are many attorneys that offer free advice.
Dont let him do this to you love protect yourself , check into legal aid something I love ya sweetie call me if you want to. Hugs to you love

Sld1 is right--you have to take the emotion out of it (I know, easier said than done). Gotta look out for yourself.

I'm sorry he hurt you so terribly, but you do need to get an attorney. Borrow money to hire one if you have to (that's what I had to do).

Be prepared--he'll try to screw you over if he can. That's what mine is trying to do to me. Stay strong.