Oh hun, I'm so very sorry. I know the pain you are feeling right now. We all do.

You have to figure out what you are going to file with. Are you going to go with no fault or adultery. I regret not filing under adultery.

You have to think of everything. Health insurance for you and the children, paying out of pocket, auto insurance, car tags, school, food for children, books for school, gas for kids, flights for kids, weddings and about a million other things.

It's hardball time. Miss sweetheart has to leave and this is nothing but a business deal. One with a liar and a cheat.

We need to start something here so we all consider everything. A place we can all go to and add things as they come up. We can't forget anything that our children or us will need.

Hugs to you.

Oh Chrissy, How can I help, I suggest that you find your own attorney if possible, having his attorney look over the paperwork to see if its fair is like giving the fox the keys to the henhouse.....If you have it in writing that he would cover all attorney's fees then he can pay for yours too. Afford it or not, make him own up to his word...if not you may be able to find an attorney that will take the case and part of the settlement is for him to pay all legal fees.... there are ways...you just need to figure them out....

You always had hope in the back of your mind, that you could reconcile, the sitting on the fence, well he just knocked you off the fence and it has hurt you beyond belief....Take a little time to let your head heal your heart, Then you can come back stronger and more agressive. Heal for a day or two then show him the side of you that I have seen. Strong, Confident, take no crap woman you have become, Right now you don't see it or definitely don't feel it. But dust yourself off, heal a little and KICK his A$$, hold his feet to the fire....If you need to vent just let me know... you can vent all you want. we are here for you.....AJJ

Chrissy, I feel your pain because I too have held on to that small glimmer of hope that things would work out. It is especially difficult since you poured nearly half of your life into your relationship with your husband and now it's ending. May heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself. Hugs.

My heart goes to you. I know that you were hoping for rope to hold on to. Now you'll just have to accept the fact that it's over. I'm with pemdcat, Take some time before you do anything. You need to get your head together before you make a move right now. Ah...I'm so sorry that you're hurting so badly. I wish that I could help you. I'm here for you - and so sad my friend. LOL

Oh Chrissy, my heart is breaking for you!!! I knew you had hope as we all had.( i just lost all hope myself) I guess they say it will force closure..I suppose that is a good thing. I will be there soon and I intend to play hardball...we deserve everything!!!

sld had a great idea to come up with a place where we can include things that we found so helpful when dealing with attorneys and all the legal bull shit. Save money and part of our sanity.

I am sorry ,like pemdcat said, try to take a couple days to digest it. i know healing will take a long time but everyone before us says it realy does happen.
Big extra hugs to you tonight...you are NOT alone!!!!!

wouldn't he just love to see you go along with his idea.. No matter what it takes get yourself a lawyer, a good one, you are gonna need it!! your future is at stake, your childrens future is at stake!!!

Chrissy I am sorry...I hurt with you.....I wish I could take it away for you.
I am here for you my friend!

Oh brother Chrissy - went through this myself. I wish you were more prepared - you probably could borrow, beg or scrape up enough money for a consult with an attorney, but you need to be protected at all costs. Don't you? work in his business? What's going to happen to that? Pension - ? this is your life - If worse comes to worse - call all of us and read us the agreement and ask for advice. But please don';t do this all by yourself!.

And I am sorry - I know the pain is awful - but please please please protect your interests.

Take your income and his income. Add them together and divide by 2. That is what you should each make. At least in IL. Legal fees will be paid out of marital assets. That means he has to pay his and yours along with you. IL law again. Our laws can't be that different. Ask legal aid or go for a free consult. Ask your stbx when you will have the offer. Make the appointment for after you have the offer. Don't expect a decent offer. Hugs.

Chrissy, I'm so sorry---I wish I could do something to help take away your pain. Remember that you are a strong, beautiful, intelligent and loving woman and he doesn't know what he is losing. Give yourself a few days to get your head around this and then take a deep breath and find yourself an attorney---you CAN NOT do this without someone looking out for your best interest. The fees can be paid in the divorce settlement. Don't be afraid to ask for the moon, you and the kids deserve it---as much as I hate to say it, you can't play nice with him. It's all about you baby---ask for what you need and more, you never know what he will agree to if he wants out bad enough.

I wish I could give you a great big hug and sit and cry with you my friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you sweetie.

Chrissy remember to stay strong. You can do this. Don't sign anything without a lawyer that is looking out for you and your kids.

sld1 - I was told I couldn't use adiultery in Michigan - it's a no fault state - was I misinformed?

sld1 - I think you're right - we should start a list of what to consider - my sister even wrote in prom dresses.

Chrissy, I know how devistated you are. I held on to hope for a long time because he did not file and then we did it jointly so that no papers were served. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Believe it or not, my therapist and others told me to hang in there, mostly because there was no OW and he had moved out so many times in the past. I do not want to make false hope, but I was even told that filing is not the end of it sometimes, Even my lawyer said you can not believe in long term marriages once they see things are not going to go the way once spouse wants, they come to their senses.

I know it sound crazy, but after all the months of the legal stuff, once I realized it was going to happen the day of the divorce was not the worst of it. Believe me I suffered all through that year, the summer, the fall, and even Christmas all alone. The orginal date for the divorce was Dec 21, I hired the lawyer on Nov 1 and we got a new date for April. This takes time. It is the worst pain you go through.

Let us all here help you. I do know that in most states a lawyer can not really represent you and your spouse in a divorce. They only represent one of you. We did Pro Se for a while and then things went south and I hired my super attorney. That is what you want to look for is a Pro Se firm or coop. You can try that. Attorneys take credit cards, not a good solution but if you must do it. They can also get one spouse to pay all the costs of the divorce, it may not happen. but most attorneys try it if one spouse makes more.

One thing I say and I do not want anyone to take this wrong. Once you get to this spot this is business, all business and it is a game. The trouble is it is your game involving your life and what you will end up. I had to take the emotion out of it when I starting doing battle with him to get what I wanted. I did get most of what I wanted, and I channeled that anger I had into that. I am very emotional, but I am all business when I had to be. That is how I survived. I had the support of a super lawyer who had been through this himself, a few good friends and a great therapist,

What goes around, comes around, Let us help you. I am just down the road a bit farther, at a rest stop, the rest of you will be there soon. LOVE Ms Terey, Sue