i thought I was handling the death of my X brother in law. But I find myself without motivation and feeling very sad.
I feel like I am grieving not only him but the loss of a whole family I was a part of for almost 40 years. There is a FB memorial page on FB and new pics were added today with my X his gf and his nieces taken I guess at a restaurant after the viewing. And the family is going to the home that was owned by my mother in law that now belongs to my X. I understand that things have to be taken care of things given away etc. but it was me just 6 years ago doing it with the X when his Mom died.
i feel like someone posted, that I am on the fringe of my family, including my son and the Xs daughter. His daughter hasn't asked for my new address or offered to help me when I moved. I have been here for 3 months. I didn't give it to her which I guess looking back I should have but I didn't want my X to have my address.
Now here come the holidays it will be my second one on my own. Not even sure if I want to get a tree. I gave my old one away when I moved. I sent an email to my family telling them I would like to visit them separately this year.
We always had the whole family on Christmas Eve at our house. But I don't feel like pretending we are one big happy when we are not. They can have the whole family with the X and still get together. It's easier for me than putting up with this one doesn't like that one, this one being late, etc.
My husband and my family were my life, and now I find myself adrift. Because of neck and back problems right now Iam not working or watching my grandkids, which I miss a lot.
I hope this will pass and my motivation comes back so I can get out and enjoy my life again. I keep thinking I have been given this time alone for a reason to take care of me and a new direction but I am lost as to what it iis I should be doing or going. I have been praying about it and waiting for answers.
Thanks for your love and support.
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