I've been feeling this too and I'm not quite sure what the answer is. I know that getting my finances in better order should be a priority, as the possibility of my ever retiring at this point is remote to none. I, like you, have a job and feel good about it. I have some hobbies, but find that sitting still enough to relax and accomplish anything is difficult right now. My general response to stress is to MOVE. So, finances is one. I think that another goal I have is to get a physical, which I haven't done in a while...and a mammogram...and a dental exam...and labs to check my thyroid and cholesterol. Keeping closer track of health issues really is important at our age. I'm also downsizing. I was forced to do this when moving into the townhouse, and yet again I am going thru things. It makes me feel less weighed down to just be free of "stuff". Adding nicer pieces to my wardrobe and getting rid of things that I never wear. ...Maybe this all sounds selfish, but right now I have a deep feeling that these things are what I need. It is so easy to define our roles as parents, and so easy to slip into a mind set that we have no other purpose worth fulfilling in this life. ...Lately, when I have been thinking these things through, I have thought of my mother. When she died 3 yrs ago, nearly 800 people visited the funeral home. My mother seldom worked off the farm. Other than church, she had no real social ties, and yet all of these people came to say goodbye to her, and so many of them told me stories of how my mom would send them notes of encouragement when they were ill, or just of her many small kindnesses and how she would go out of her way to speak to them. She made such an impact on those around her. In her own quiet way, she accomplished more than most people could ever hope to. My life is different than hers, but I feel a need to carry on what she taught me by that example. ...I know I have gone on and on here, but you hit the nail on the head for me and it helps to write it all out. Maybe in the long run, we should allow ourselves a little time to stop and smell the roses, and enjoy some of the beauty in this world. Maybe we need to give ourselves permission to "take" a little.

Tea4, what a beautiful tribute to your mother and that you are aspiring to live your life as she did says a lot about your own character.
I've never been a real goal-oriented person; short-term goals maybe, but long-term is just way too abstract for this adult ADHD mind. I use the "daily list method" to keep myself on track most of the time and for me, life is and always has been pretty much one day at a time. Looking at a bigger picture is sometimes overwhelming for me.
Aside from that, my philosophy being that all we really have is THIS moment (other than re-doing my will and changing the beneficiaries on some of my investment accounts), I can't think of anything that's pressing. A better "goal" for me would be to spend at least 20 minutes a day in prayerful meditation. It's good for the body, mind and spirit and it DOES help keep me centered.
And I defintely agree with the above comment that "we need to give ourselves permission to take a little."

I'm not necssarily recommendng this goal, but my mother wanted to say she had been to every state in US before she died. I guess it was her version of a bucket list. She would drive out of her way just to drive across a corner of a state she hadn't been in. I think she made them all but Alaska. She was always such a traveler.

She had a group of friends who traveled with her. Most of my friends are still tied down with familes and jobs. Maybe someday I can do some traveling.

KB

Now that KillBob has brought up the subject of TRAVELING as a "goal" let me add something... For YEARS I had this idea that I would at some point buy one of those horse trailers with living quarters in it and just take off with one of my horses and rediscover America on horseback. This was really popular about 10 years ago -- I suppose when gas prices were still "reasonable" -- and requires a large investment (those fancy trailers can easily run into six figures (plus a truck to pull it!) but I still thought it was a great idea.
When the X took off in 2005, I thought about it a lot...kept saying to myself "when this is over, I can do whatever I want." Well, I'm not sure I would just sell the farm, invest in a rig and do it now, but there are still lots of places in the U.S. that I would like to visit while I'm still young enough to enjoy them!
I have done some traveling by myself over the years and have enjoyed it very much. It's an opportunity to meet new people and, of course, to experience places I've never been before.
The point I'm trying to make is that why wait until you have a "buddy" to travel with? Lots of people strike out on their own and have a great time doing it! Tom's mother (at age 89) spent three weeks traveling in Armenia last year and says she much prefers traveling alone than having to adjust to someone else's schedule. You don't have to go to Armenia, you can just take a day trip by yourself to somewhere you really want to see! Start small and go from there. Yes, traveling with a friend can be fun and it's fun to share the experience, but going by yourself can be equally enjoyable.Why wait? Plan a day or overnight trip now! You don't know if you'll like it until you try it!

Lily61, this is something that has been weighing on my mind a lot lately too! I keep meaning to write down some goals for myself for 2010 and my future, so hopefully by responding to this thread, I will be motivated to actually do something about it. I feel I would really like to give something back to my community this year. There is a local women's support organization that is looking for volunteers so I WILL enlist myself there. I also need to rethink my finances as I have been doing a little too much retail therapy lately, but boy do I have some great looking outfits LOL!

Thank you for your responses. Some of what I'm feeling is just the transition from family to empty nest. Since my marriage is also falling apart, I think it intensifies the feeling of being a little lost on life's direction.

I've been cleaning out and discarding items that I've had for years in anticipation of the fact that I will probably have to move when we get a divorce.

I have always had a goal of travel. Sadly, it is one of the things that my husband was not interested in doing. I always had to beg him to travel, which I will no longer do. I did take one short trip with my son last year. I am considering taking a trip this year with a friend. But I am a little concerned that if I leave the state without my teenage son, my husband might try to twist it around and say I abandoned him as a way to get custody. Does anyone know if that is possible?

I've done a lot of the retail therapy as well, and then tell myself that it's foolish since it will just be more things I'll have to move. I have way too much "stuff." Maybe I should learn how to sell on eBay.

I have been considering taking a yoga class. I usually exercise alone. I guess I've never been an exercise class type of person, so it's hard to talk myself into it.

Tea, I don't think your thoughts sounded selfish at all. I have also been working on making it okay to give some focus to myself. As a first grade teacher and a mom, I've never really "grown up" in my appearance and now I have been thinking it might be time to take a better look at the way I dress and present myself. My jeans and casual shirts are great for a lot of the time but maybe not always. I also want to devote some time to my own health. In a way it's just about me, but considering that my autistic son is going to need lifelong supervision, it's also about being around a long time for him and for my other kids too. I think much of this comes from the need to figure out who I am now that my marriage, which was such a huge part of my life, is no longer around. I feel free to get to know myself again.

Travel was never a biggie for me. I had the chance to travel a bit in Europe, while we were living there, and have been many places in the states. I'm more of a homebody now and happy to be so. I have always wanted to live by the ocean though. Not sure if I'll ever reach that one but I won't rule it out.

Lily, if you like to exercise alone you will like a yoga class too. I started yoga three months after I discovered my ex's last affair and it was a godsend. Yoga classes are very solitary in their own way becasue you need to have inner focus to do it. For me, it was a way to go to another world for awhile. I would have kept doing it just for that ; the strength and flexibility I got from it was a wonderful bonus!