I have my proof in case. (He has no clue of the amount of proof I have) I won't use it if I don't have to. I am going to let him dictate how easy this will be. My requests aren't out of the box though he seems to want everything except my car and the family home. I've told him that I will negotiate but I will have alimony until I finish my degree and get a job. My lawyer said that with my health, I could qualify for lifetime spousal support but that's just not something I think I want.
Thanks for the advice.

What kind of proof do you have, paramom, if you don't mind my asking. I'm pretty new at this game and naive financially so I would be interested in knowing more specifically what you mean. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Paramom...it would be best to respond to goldengir request through private message...ya just never know who lurks around these sites...Big Hugs...Kathy

Golden girl, I saw an attorney. Laws in each state are different so I really couldn't say if my proof is good enough in your state. My attorney advised me on what kinds of proof would be adequate.
Thanks dairytech for the advice, some things are a bit too private to even post in pm.

Man...I wish I lived in a fault state!!!!!

Oh...and to answer the original question....I didn't realize how used to being alone I was until my daughter came back home. Now, I honestly appreciate her time away with her father. I never thought I would like the quiet and alone time, but it's grown on me. While I am a very social person and I desperately crave intimacy and connection to a new man, I am learning to be ok with me!

Here are the things I like about being alone:
1. The peacefulness
2. The quiet (but not all the time, quiet still can drive me crazy)
3. Less laundry!
4. My house is always clean.
5. I can come and go as I please.
6. I've discovered the fine art of self stimulation (Thank you Ambiance!) I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but holy moly! While physical intimacy is absolutely the best, there is something to be said about individual orgasm! This is not an area I ever entertained while married.
7. My friendships have deepened and widened out.
8. I finally understand the concept of mindfulness.
9. I can cook what I want or eat out when I want and no one complains.
10. I sleep better and feel more refreshed in the mornings.
11. I get up earlier and have a calm start to my day.
12. I've gotten to know my neighbors better.
13. I've become self sufficient in areas I never knew I could and it's empowering. (I've fixed my wash machine, maintained my car, do yardwork, problem solve without conflict)
14. I have regained my belief in self.
15. I go out dancing again!
16. I flirt! I forgot how fun it was!
17. I make decisions based on what I think or know, not what someone else tells me to do.
18. I am able to save money!

so many things! Yes I still have times where I am lonely, but its getting less and less as time goes on. At the very least, it is less intense. In fact, I was just talking with another one of my friends the other day and I said that I almost feel that I would prefer never being married or living together with a man. Rather I would want to live separate and still be a committed couple. LOL Do you think I could find someone to agree?

I have heard that one of the reasons that cheaters enjoy affairs is because it's all romance and none of the nitty gritty of sharing finances or household responsibilities. No reason why single people couldn't enjoy that too. Plus, none of the guilt of hurting someone else. Sounds good to me! Thanks for your really honest, positive response to this topic.

"Getting used to" being alone is, like everything else, a process -- especially if you married young. It took divorce for me to realize that I had REALLY been alone in my marriage for a long time, but even so, there's nothing more shocking than suddenly finding yourself rattling around in a big old house all by yourself. Sure, I had my dog, my cats and my horses to keep me company, but it wasn't the same as having another warm human being around.

A year ago, I sold my farm in Maryland and moved 1,100 miles away. I only knew one person in this town and knew that I was going to have to get OUT THERE and MEET PEOPLE if I was going to build a new life. Now I have a number of friends whom I made through church and a couple of Meetup groups. I have also been seeing a man for the past three months but the bottom line is I LIVE ALONE (with the two cats).

There are times when it gets to me for some unknown reason. I am particularly sensitive on Sunday evenings -- I have this notion that EVERYBODY ELSE is at home with their loved ones on Sunday evenings and here I sit. When those times happen, I usually ask my Heavenly Father to "give me what I need right now" and the feeling will pass within a pretty short period of time.

The best advice I can give you is to force yourself to get out there and meet some new people and make some new friends. If you go to church, your fellow members are a great place to start. If you have a hobby or volunteer somewhere, that is also a good way to connect with people of similiar interests. Take a class at your local community college -- many cc's offer "Adult Education" classes that are FUN. (I just signed up for 6 weeks of Yoga!) And check out Meetups.com. Depending on where you live, there can be a wide variety of interest groups for you to check out. All great ways to get "connected" as a single person.

Big hugs to you, my dear. We're here for you. xoxox

I can truly empathize with the feelings of loneliness post divorce. But, like Kathi said, I have realized that I was terribly lonely in my marriage. Now that my ex is gone, I still feel lonely but I have peace and quiet and can do what I want when I want. That's a powerful dose of freedom. I've come to really enjoy it. My kids are both grown and on their own, so it's just me and my dog. I married very young, age 20, and never knew what it was like to live on my own. I'm now more independent and can take care of myself. There are times when the quiet is too loud, and I don't think I can take it one more minute. Then, I take my dog for a walk or I watch a movie or I go out with friends or join a meetup group. Plus, I have the daily responsibility of attending classes and studying. I went back to college to finish my degree. So, there's always that.

The best thing you can do for yourself is spend some quiet time considering what makes you happy. What are things you enjoy doing? When you feel lonely, imagine yourself happy and enjoying life. What does that picture look like? What are you doing? When you can visualize what you want, go do it. You will meet interesting people along the way and possibly make new friends.

It does take time. It won't happen overnight. I tend to get impatient at times, wanting things to already be a certain way. But, that never works well for me. You can't fight what is. You can only learn to adjust your perception and find all the ways that your new "alone time" is good and beneficial for you. I do yoga, meditation, read a lot, work out, and grab my camera and shoot nature photos. Figure out what makes your heart and soul sing, and do that - every day if you can.

All my best to you,
Kim