Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Went well,
I felt ok talking to him, he gave some good insite, recommended "thoughts and feelings by McKay"
he wants to work on my negative thoughts and how i'm always thinking of the negative instead of the positive.
so time will tell I guess, once a week for a few weeks, then it will be every two weeks,
I get the feeling he's dealt with these type of issues with other clients as well, which made me feel good.
I need to get on the right track again...
on a side note, an old friend texted me today out of the blue, a photo of my ex, and her profile pic from dating site she joined I guess, goes by the name of sassy v , he didn't know we were divorced..
where the hell did she come up with sassy v , who knows..... she looked horrible, black makeup on her eyes, you couldn't even see her eyes, kinda of scary looking, but i'm sure she'll meet men, I think it bothers me more knowing that some men are just going to take advantage of her broken heart and use her for sex... actually that eats me up cause I know deep down she's not that type of girl...
I really have to stop thinking about it,,, I pray this therapist gets me where I need to be... I hate reading but will try the book to start, wish there was a magic pill to make it all go away... it was final final Monday, we were divorced in May, but there was a grace period of 90 days, so now there are no legal ties at all, she can get married tomorrow if she wanted and there nothing legally I can do, unlegally ya,,,..
I felt ok talking to him, he gave some good insite, recommended "thoughts and feelings by McKay"
he wants to work on my negative thoughts and how i'm always thinking of the negative instead of the positive.
so time will tell I guess, once a week for a few weeks, then it will be every two weeks,
I get the feeling he's dealt with these type of issues with other clients as well, which made me feel good.
I need to get on the right track again...
on a side note, an old friend texted me today out of the blue, a photo of my ex, and her profile pic from dating site she joined I guess, goes by the name of sassy v , he didn't know we were divorced..
where the hell did she come up with sassy v , who knows..... she looked horrible, black makeup on her eyes, you couldn't even see her eyes, kinda of scary looking, but i'm sure she'll meet men, I think it bothers me more knowing that some men are just going to take advantage of her broken heart and use her for sex... actually that eats me up cause I know deep down she's not that type of girl...
I really have to stop thinking about it,,, I pray this therapist gets me where I need to be... I hate reading but will try the book to start, wish there was a magic pill to make it all go away... it was final final Monday, we were divorced in May, but there was a grace period of 90 days, so now there are no legal ties at all, she can get married tomorrow if she wanted and there nothing legally I can do, unlegally ya,,,..
Hugs,
Kristin
It's still early on for you, so be kind to yourself. As for negative thouhts vs. positive thoughts, it was when I started focusing on others and not myself that I truly started feeling better...and that took time.
Hugssss
MJ
My prayer for you is to grow stronger in your self knowledge, develop greater confidence and self worth, and to come around to focusing on your own health and life now.
What our exes are doing, with whom, when and how are no longer our concern. Often, I would find myself wondering about my wasband, and it was unhealthy for me. I still do at times, but I now see it for what it is: another way to mourn what might have been, and then I let it go. It took a long time and some hard work to get here, but I know you will. You've taken the first, hard, steps toward health and recovery. Well done, and keep up the good work.
Hugs all around you. xoxo
Hugs!!
picked up the book he suggested tonight, there were so many books about relationships , but grabbed the one he said to, I hate reading but i'll try my best, even the best books about crime which I like I can't seem to stick with them, i'm really going to try with this..
i'v been fighting the negative thoughts today trying to replace with in the moment positive ones, but it's going to be a lot of work, I can't stop thinking about her, more worried for her. I know I need to stop. i'm trying god knows i'm trying
I sense some aggression rather than genuine worry. Objecting to your ex's profile name " sassy v" as having sexual implications and her picture looking seductive might imply you are having some undisclosed aggression much like as a "stalker". You've admittedly confirmed you are no longer legally bonded BUT it bothers you MORE knowing that your ex could possibly might be sexually active is a serious red flag to your emotional health. I would request you to bring this issue to the immediate attention of your therapist!
yes we are legally divorced , I have no legal right to question anything she does, I just have a hard time dealing with how she can move on so quickly and yes her being sexually active tears what's left of my heart apart.
I have not spoken to her in three months since the restraining order, nor do I want to after it gets lifted.
call me crazy but I still honestly feel for her, even after all the crap she put me through, I don't want anyone to take her in case she may change her mind someday and want me back, I know deep down it's never going to happen, but if it ever did after she's been with someone else, I don't want her...
I'm a very long way from where I need to be I know this, I know I have a long long road ahead of me, especially when she does find someone and starts to bring him around my children.
I honestly don't know what more I can do.. nothing I can do. just one hour at a time these days..
hopefully someday I'll be at peace with it all, but right now I don't ever see it happening...
I will tell my therapist everything, in every detail of my mind as twisted as it is...
I think the worst of everything.....which is super unhealthy I know.....
hope this guy can fix me.... I'm like a 1000 piece puzzle..