It (like a lot of things) will get easier with time.
My first lunch out alone I cried through most of it :) Now it doesn't bother me at all.

Just know you are not alone-I've dealt with the betrayal and being thrown away and can honestly say life is better now than it was for years

Hugs to you

Hi, No you are not alone..............
I remember my first meal out alone .......... It wasn't nice .
That was like 6 years ago.
It just takes time ..........................and tears my friend .
Try to go with other people and not by yourself ......
I wish you well..................
Why she had to leave you ..................ME . and others here .......
The big question............. Something happens to them and they become a different person .
My friend and I use to say that they became Zombies ........ Look the same ,but different minds.
Good luck to you ............
Bob

I haven't tried a dinner out alone since my husband left, but I did treat myself to breakfast out one day during the week. The crowd around me was a real mixture of singles, business people conducting meetings, gal pals out with kids, and yes a few seemingly happy couples. It was a nice mix and I didn't feel as out of place as I might have in a situation where there were more just couples. It was a start.

I still haven's gone to a sit down restaurant by myself.. I always hated eating out by myself so this has nothing to do with the divorce.This has more to do with the town I lived in during high school and we were the talk of the town. I keep telling myself that I don't live there anymore but some things are hard to work out. I have gone to a buffet type restaurant. I prefer drive thru windows and eating in my truck on the way home. I multi task well.

A step in the right direction. You are meeting your fears head on. Eating out alone has never been an issue for me so I can't offer any advice, just a pat on the back. Your feelings are normal, don't them back...unfortunately it is part of the process.

Good for you. Wow. This brought back such memories for me. My first time was about 6 years ago. I was newly divorced and hadn't been able to go out to eat alone. Every time I thought about it, I imagine that I would walk into the restaurant and there would be a big "L" on my forehead for "loser" and that everyone would know that I had been betrayed and been left for someone else. It was a HUGE hurdle for me. So I finally got the courage. I went in and sat down in the bar area of the restaurant but still in a booth. It was midafternoon and I thought about taking a book so it looked like I had "planned" this trip and then decided I needed to be truthful to myself. So, I sat down. This young, really super nice talkative waiter came to my table. I ordered and he was very friendly. He was from the Midwest too and he would talk to me every time he walked by. I ate my meal and it went ok. When he brought my ticket I thanked him for his kindness, friendliness and service and told him this was the first time I'd been out alone to eat since my divorce. He affirmed me and told me it must have been hard but he thought I'd done a great job. He said he never would have known because I was so happy and friendly. I told him I was dying inside and he had made a difference for me. He told me to scoot over in the booth and we talked about 5 minutes more and he told me that I should be proud of myself. It was easier after that but never comfortable for me.

This is all so normal. I felt like I was losing my mind and was going crazy early on myself.

You just have to process through. Start reading and sharing like you did today. When you can get it out and talk about it, it is easier. It's sharing your story. And we are here to listen and support. I've been there and it's the hardest thing in the world but it DOES get better. Trust me. When I first came on DS, I had to look to those ahead of me for courage and strength and wisdom and support. We are here to do that for you.

Do you have a counselor? They are so helpful. Also, divorcecare.org is a great place to go to start feeling like you're not the only one in this situation.

Hang in there.

Until my husband left...I NEVER ever ate anything alone. It was something I could never do. Even at work, if I didn't have someone with me, I couldn't eat.

But....several months ago (I think I even have a post about it on here) I did it!!!! I went to a restaurant had a meal AND a drink! :)

Yes it was uncomfortable, but it was a challenge I needed to accomplish.

Once done, I felt empowered. I still didn't like doing it....but I survived it. In a small way, it was a relfection of the big picture. I would survive.

I've gone out several times since. I still don't like it. But its become a game to me. Doing it feels almost like an act of rebellion against my ex. LOL childish? Maybe, but its motivational thats for sure.

My next goal....to go to a bar alone....sit at the bar, have a drink and then leave. Not because I am a bar fly or anything, but because to me it is a challenge of huge proportions. Bars are full of single people, socialiazing. If I can do this, I can move on to the next big thing.

I have two months to complete this task. Why? Because in July, I booked my very first ever LONE vacation. :)

Eating alone is something I've done for 15 years. I travel for work so I have no choice but to eat alone unless I want to carry a heart attack in a sack to a lonely hotel room. Have fun with it. If your alone you can sit in the bar area, (no families/helps avoid painful missing the kids moments). Take a newspaper. You don't have read it but it gives you cover to eavesdrop on other folks and here about their problems. Quite entertaining. In some cases it makes you feel good to be alone.
As far as your bigger question about why would she throw everything away...who knows. She probably doesn't really know. My ex threw away 23 years for yet to be determined reasons. No boyfriend, no drug or alcohol issues, no money issues. None of the common marriage killers.
And that's whats hard - isn't it. The not knowing.
All you can do now is live life and be happy. The best revenge you can have is to let her see you thriving. Not out of spite, but because it's what you deserve and deep down what you desire.

About the betrayal you feel....after 20 plus years we all get into routines...and get a little compacent on the romance and chasing of our partner....like when the relationship is new...im not saying having an affair is ok...it is not! But there are people who target married women...if you can....try to forgive...for yourself...I have gone out to eat alone...and never actually ate...I cryed in my plate and took it to go...so we all progress in different ways....im finally slowing down on the tears....a little....lol...ive got the forgiveness down though...if he were to come to my door today...with definate boundries...we could be best friends again. ...

Oh, yes. I know this pain all too well. My ex left me for one of his affair partners after 24 years. I remember very vividly the first time I went out to eat alone. I didn't even wait until I got home to start crying. I swore I'd never try it again. Then, a few weeks later, I did. It does get easier over time. I promise. Be gentle with yourself, especially when you are overwhelmed with emotion. I found that it's best to just allow yourself to feel what you feel and then do something nice for yourself. Buy a new shirt, golf clubs, or whatever you like. Just do something to make yourself feel loved. It will feel insincere at first. Just go with it. Eventually, you'll begin to feel special and enjoy the little things you do for yourself. When you are able to manage it, start branching out and making some new friends. Try things you never did before. You might be pleasantly surprised by how much better you feel. I was. But, it did take time.

Hang in there. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. No matter how awful you feel, just remember that this too shall pass. It's one of my myriad mantras that I cling to for dear life some days. :)

Kind regards,
Kim

There are a lot of us who are in the same boat. Betrayed and abandoned - too many to count. I am sorry that you are going through this. I am glad however, that you managed to go out to eat by yourself.

I managed to go listen to a band by myself a couple of weeks ago - and it was...a milestone.

You got this, you will have your ups and downs, but you'll be ok. Trust yourself.

As usual the support and insight offered by the people on this forum is just beyond words. Thank you all.