I will echo what KRKing so wise has said -- No, you will NOT be the same. You will be BETTER -- stronger, wiser and more in touch with who YOU ARE than ever before.

We have all been down the road you are currently walking and had to go through all the stages of grief. I thought I would die -- and alternately was sure I was going to kill that man! In the end, neither happened. And with enough time (and a lot of self-care, therapy and hard work) I can tell you in all honesty that looking back on that time from where I am today (over 5 years post final divorce) I have to shake my head and say "Why in the world did I waste so much time and precious energy on that guy?!"

More and more I am a firm believer that EVERYTHING happens for a REASON -- and the reason always ha something to do with what the Universe wants us to learn in this lifetime. Fighting it does not good --it only stalls the process. Be with your feelings as they come up and then let them go. It's a process.

Know that I hold you in my thoughts and prayers, my friend! xoxxo

I am reading a book I would recommend to you. Its called Rebuilding by Bruce Fisher. Its an interesting book that walks you through the steps of recovering from divorce. I just started it and I am finding it very interesting so far.

One of the first steps is acceptance. Accepting that the situation you are in now is your new reality. One of the ways he does that is by asking you to think about a series of questions about your marriage. If you're like me, answering some of these questions will really drive home the point that your marriage was likely over a long time ago.

And that's a good thing. Acceptance comes from realizing that the happy marriage you had wasn't really all that happy or good for you. Realizing that things weren't a Normal Rockwell painting will help you to accept where you are now and then you can start making the most of your present and plan for your future.

I am 6 months into this and by no means done. I usually cry every day. But you know what.. I know that my marriage was not good. I know that in due time, I will be better off. I know that if she walked in the door tonight and told me she had made the biggest mistake of her life and wanted us to get back together, I wouldn't do it. I deserve better.

And so do YOU!

Hang in there, it will get better. I was in a much worse place 5 months ago. I am not even close to being done, but I am making progress, and you will too.

I would have to agree with ptownjohn. Unlike myself, my marriage died along time ago, not last month.

Ptown: You are absolutely making progress if you are able to look at the situation as it is and (because you have done some serious, honest reflection) REALIZE that the marriage wasn't what you THOUGHT it was for a very long time. That's called "pulling off the rose-colored glasses and seeing things as they really are." Kudos to you for doing the reading and the hard work that is required to get through the muck and the mire of divorce.

Great advice gang!!!!
Hang in there cubbies!

ptownjohn, you are the only other person I've seen here mention the Rebuilding book. I think it's a great one and it was the FIRST one I read because my therapy provider gave it to me. I then found a divorce support group that actually used this book as a progressive model for our sessions. I also highly recomend this book, and unlike many other books, this one truly is for both men and women.

Timeman made some great points about the changes that happen to our spouse. They look the same,but they have changed internally. And usually, there is no going back. So the spouse left behind, is left wondering...'what HAPPENED?' But we never really get an answer that will fit our needs.

It feels like a part of us has died. That we will never recover from the shock and - if there was someone else - treachery of disloyalty. But we do. And YOU will. You can't see it now. And that is natural. But believe us all, you will grown and be stroger from this. What doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger, right?

Your heart will mend. Your kids will heal. But it all takes time. Be gentle with yourself and do take steps to help your healing. Read the books (there are many but you might like to start with Rebuilding), join a support group (mine was mostly women but we had 3 or 4 guys so don't be shy!) and find a counselor. A good counselor will listen and prod you abit and you will discover so much about yourself. I sure have. Believe us when we tell you that you will make it out of this and have a wonderful life! Best

I also read Rebuilding...it was the 1st book I bought and it was at the beginning of my 1st divorce...I found it to be very helpful.

In the beginning it is very rough. All what you are feeling is normal although we tend to think we are the only ones that feel this way. I cant think of any other event in my life that caused me more pain than the loss of my marriage. Every cell in your body hurts and it feels like its the end of your life as you know it. There are times when you think you just cant take another day...but...somehow you do.

Hugs cubbie...go out and buy the book mentioned...it will help a lot. Keep posting here..we're behind you 100%. You will get through this and better days will come...Big Hugs...Kathy

So sorry to hear you are feeling so bad today. Take a deep breath and exhale...remember U didn't do this and she may have regrets later. Stay strong and positive. Good days lie ahead even though you can't see them right now. It is good to cry and get it out otherwise u will keep it pent up inside and break down later and its good to release. This is a good support group, people who are in your shoes and understand what your going thru, lean on us all for support during the good & bad times! Take care of yourself and tomorrow will be a better day!

Everyone thank you for the support. I feel like my wife an her side of the family all died in a plane accident. Zero communication from them so far. I hate this.

Hey yCubbie,
I know the feeling….. It really hurts..
Same thing happened to me with her family .
After five years ,they still don’t talk to me .
For a long time I use to send them Email Holidays cards , but
I never heard anything back from them. Eventually I stopped.
The x and I do send email cards to each other….. Not her family.
I know, it really hurts and you can’t understand it….. I don’t know cubbie ,you’ll have to just deal with it ,like I did ………and still do. That was my family for about 40 years….. I’ts not nice what they did to me or you….. God forgive them ……
Just keep going …doinf what you’re doing….. See the kids a lot.
They love you …..
Take care buddy
time man

Hey yCubbie,
I know the feeling….. It really hurts..
Same thing happened to me with her family .
After five years ,they still don’t talk to me .
For a long time I use to send them Email Holidays cards , but
I never heard anything back from them. Eventually I stopped.
The x and I do send email cards to each other….. Not her family.
I know, it really hurts and you can’t understand it….. I don’t know cubbie ,you’ll have to just deal with it ,like I did ………and still do. That was my family for about 40 years….. I’ts not nice what they did to me or you….. God forgive them ……
Just keep going …doinf what you’re doing….. See the kids a lot.
They love you …..
Take care buddy
time man

Hey yCubbie,
I know the feeling….. It really hurts..
Same thing happened to me with her family .
After five years ,they still don’t talk to me .
For a long time I use to send them Email Holidays cards , but
I never heard anything back from them. Eventually I stopped.
The x and I do send email cards to each other….. Not her family.
I know, it really hurts and you can’t understand it….. I don’t know cubbie ,you’ll have to just deal with it ,like I did ………and still do. That was my family for about 40 years….. I’ts not nice what they did to me or you….. God forgive them ……
Just keep going …doinf what you’re doing….. See the kids a lot.
They love you …..
Take care buddy
time man

Hey yCubbie,
I know the feeling….. It really hurts..
Same thing happened to me with her family .
After five years ,they still don’t talk to me .
For a long time I use to send them Email Holidays cards , but
I never heard anything back from them. Eventually I stopped.
The x and I do send email cards to each other….. Not her family.
I know, it really hurts and you can’t understand it….. I don’t know cubbie ,you’ll have to just deal with it ,like I did ………and still do. That was my family for about 40 years….. I’ts not nice what they did to me or you….. God forgive them ……
Just keep going …doinf what you’re doing….. See the kids a lot.
They love you …..
Take care buddy
time man