Morning lostwh,
I can relate to your feelings about x moving
away. My x did not move away but went to another
state over and over to meet her old college friend during and after our divorce. Everytime it bothered me.
But now.......I don't know much of what she does ...or where she goes. Once in a while , I hear little conversations that mention something about her. BTW- I walk away when I start to hear anything about her. ........... ., which leads me to something that I want to mention to you. As much as care and want to hear about the x.... My friend......its better not to know anything. My son doesn't doesn't say anything about her to me unless I ask
and I don't ask ofthen ! Ha ha. Just once and a while how she is... Just OK or not . the more we know...the more we start thinking ...and the more we feel bad again.
Now...... Let's talk about the important thing.....
FISHING!!!!! I see that you use to like fishing....
Me too ! I also didn't have any ambition to go fishing anymore when my x left. I just didn't feel like going or doing anything...I'm sure you know all about that.
Slowly I'm getting my old interest ( Hobbies) back.
My new wife of 4 years now is going on a long vacation to visit her family..... And I.....I'M PLANING ON GOING ON A FISHING TRIP. Yes !!!!!! I'm going for Walleye up in Wisconsin or MN. All by myself unless this one friend wants to go.....either way... I'm going.
Tell me where did you AND WILL YOU AGAIN ! Go fishing. ? What kind of fish?
Divorces are rough my friend, but we must go on
Remember ( I think). The less we know about x........the off that we'll be.
OK....
Be talking to you.....Timeman.....Bob

Lost...I agree with Bob...the less you know about an ex, the better. My kids know better than to mention anything about their father to me. We HAD that conversation years ago.

As for your ex possibly moving away...I'd be jumping for joy! I could only WISH! Unfortunately, mine used to live in my neighborhood and recently only moved 5 minutes away. I've tried to convince dh to move to another city (as it would actually be closer to the places he travels to for his job), but he keeps saying he loves where we live and we have "family" here, so here we stay. If we even lived 3 hours away, it would mean my daughters would have to actually spend equal time with us and stay at my house. Distance from the ex definitely would have helped my situation in regards to my kids.

Lost, it isn't like she's moving across the country. Three hours is far enough away but not so far that she won't be able to see the kids and the grands.

I honestly believe that "out of sight -- out of mind" is better for BOTH parties after divorce. And I think the LESS you know about what the X is doing, the better for you.

Sending you some hugs today...xoxo

Who would believe this information is actually true unless she produced the job offer in writing with the actual business letter head !!! It's difficult to make any speculation from a person who historically lacks creditability.

I agree with CGK - 3 hours is nothing - Gives you some space too!

guess I do need to talk to my kids and ask them to please not tell me anything about the ex. I did get a little carried away with the distance that she may be moving. It would be nice to go to the store and not have to worry about seeing the ex there!

tobywinn...I did think of that myself I wouldn't put it past her to be lying about it, just so she could get attention.

Bob...I plain on going on a small fishing trip with my son before summers over. Since I live in Mid Missouri the best place to go is the Mississippi River and to go catfishing. You're right I do need to keep her out of my thoughts.

Yes, lost, your kids are old enough to understand why you need to hear as little as possible about what their mother is doing. Sometimes, you have to TELL people what you need and most of the time, they will understand.

Hugs all around you.
xoxo

First off, I agree with Timeman. The less you know the better. Also, FISHING....what a great way to keep your mind off things and enjoy something that you love. I think we all get a little better each day.

Now, these posts have helped me a lot too! I have 3 grown boys who don't really say anything to me about their dad. We have been divorced almost a year now. Me,being a female, tends to get nosey about what he is doing. My ex did tell me he is engaged and i still hear things too. Little bits and pieces. I am babysitting my ex's bird and dog while he and his fiance (or wife now, idk) move into their new home. I didn't ask anything about where they were moving, new house, old house or what. I am trying to just enjoy the dog who I miss dearly and the loud obnoxious bird, lol.

I am going to use the advice for lostwh and try not to listen to anything about the ex. That does really help not to know what is going on with him. It's so hard though!

Hugs to all

I think its human nature to be nosy. I have fund myself not wanting to hear anything about the father of my children, but then at times wanting to know what's going on

I had to sit my kids down and tell them that Mama didn't want to hear what dad and the girlfriend were doing.

The day I made the mistake of asking I found out they were engaged and looking for a house in our neighborhood. I had many sleepless nights wondering if they were buying the house next door or the others on my street.

Now I do not ask, and if the kids start to talk more than general things like we went to a movie, I just change the subject.

My kids are respectful of not telling me anything, but I could have kicked dh when he asked DD23 (who lives with her father and the OW) where they were moving to just recently when he finally sold our family home. So, I also got to hear that they only moved 5 minutes away (blah) into a brand new house. Just what I needed to hear. Not that dh live in a shabby 16 year old home, but considering my ex hasn't worked in 8 years, it's just so nice to hear how HE still lives the lifestyle WE had and doesn't even have to work.

A couple years ago when DD23 and I had "words" about something, she blatantly said to me, "You'll NEVER have the life Dad does." Thanks for reminding me DD23.

You are way better off not knowing what your ex is doing. He probably knows it makes you upset so hetells the kids knowing they will tell you
As for moving. YES! I would love my ex to move hundreds of miles away. As it is, he badmouths me and tells lies about his 'ex' to everyone he meets. Since he lives so close, I sometimes run into friends of friends and they have already formed an opinion of me thanks to my ex. Living far away would mean no one would know my ex and I would have a life free of his negative influence.
Having an ex out of your life is healthy!

I totally understand the "push me, pull you" aspects of hearing about your ex. Luckily, I don't have much anger or even pain left around my ex, so I don't mind hearing the odd thing about him here and there, but I find myself getting drawn back into it if he does things that affect my son or our mothers. We both visit our mother in laws, and I think that's a good thing. There's a lot of years of love there, but when he says something thoughtless, and an addict almost always says something thoughtless, he can hurt those that care for him. It's funny, but I get really protective when HIS mom get's her feelings hurt. Oh well, working on my co-dependency one day at a time!
Anyway, if it's not about you, back off and if your kids complain, give them your ear, but let it roll off like water on a duck. You're showing them you care, but it's nothing you have to do, can change, fix or control. At least you'll still be near. Take care.