Good for you lostwh. My ex also went back and forth between me and OW for a while. I just wished I hadn't fallen for it and had moved on. He was hell on my self esteem too.

Btw my 2 youngest kids liked it when we reconciled but then he cheated again. Now none of our kids want us back together. How do your kids feel about her wanting to reconcile ? Do they have any respect for her? Mine do not for their dad and I know if I were to waiver I would lose my kids respect.

Be ready for her to try and rekindle or come to you for comfort. Pepare now and decide how you want to handle things so that you are'nt caught off guard.

It's very easy to get sucked back in.

I had the same experience as Lori...you really dont want to go there and trust me...they will try...as you have already experienced. They will pour it on thick. Be strong and know you deserve so much better...Big Hugs...Kathy

I agree. Although this validates you.....don't be a pillar of support for her. She needs counseling to help her figure out why she does all this

lori47.......I don't think my 2 oldest boys want me to get back with her, they have both told me that she will just do it again. I'm nut sure what my youngest thinks about all this, I think he's just confused and sick of the whole mess. I know she has lost the respect of all 3 kids, they still love her but they don't have much of a bond with her. I think tearing down our self esteem is their way of controling us, I'm not going to lie I've had thoughts before that if she'd come back I'd let her because who else would want me. I know if I did take her back now I would lose the respect of my kids and my own self respect.

My first thought is please don't let her back in. 3 times is enough. She's shown her true colours. When people show you who they are, you need to believe them. I couldn't count the number of times my ex said he would change and the longest it lasted was 3 weeks. Eventually I couldn't trust him any more. I had no choice but to opt out, and as it happened, he was cheating on me anyway.

I think you can show your boys how a man would deal with this with self-respect by showing them how to hold up their heads and refuse to be used and abused.

love and hugs
kamary

I agree with Kamary. Up until recently I was praying he would call and tell me that he made a huge mistake, and loves me so much. However, my brain knew that wouldn't happen but I never gave up some hope. But the way I was treated (even though I also contributed to the end of the marriage in my own way) was cold, full of blame, yelling, mean-spirited that I could never take him back and have self-respect. When he was yelling on the phone about how everything was my fault and I asked him if he felt he was wrong in any way, he screamed, "The only mistake I made was not leaving you a long time ago!" How could I take him back after that? I dread being alone but I deserve respect and wouldn't feel good about myself if I allowed him back in my life.
Lostwh - she cheated on you and will always cheat no matter what she says. You also deserve better - she did not respect you or she would never have done that to you. You are a role model for your boys - don't take her back or you will regret it because things won't improve or ever be the same. That's sad but it is that way - we can't get back to what things once were. I find that so hard myself. Let's be strong and work on our own self-esteem and self-respect together. I hope you have a good week and as each day passes maybe our hurt will lessen a little bit.
Hugs,
Donna

Well don't hold your breath, chances are that he'll be back next week. Sounds disfunctional, but that's what disfunction is - ha ha ha.

Ex's are ex for a reason. Enjoy this little bit of I told you so, but don't be surprised if like I say, he's back next week. Your doing fine - keep away from her.

Stay strong and remain NO CONTACT! History repeats itself and you don't want to backtrack on any of the progress you have made. When she divorced you, she forfeited all rights to your thoughts, feelings OR SYMPATHY for her situation. KEEP THE BOUNDARY STRONG! You will NOT regret it.

What do you expect, she's a serial cheater! Of course, the ex is having drama and plans kicking her OM out. The majority of posters here can tell you stories of repeated offenses from cheating exs. Even though you've witnessed her long track record of rotating men, entertaining the idea she might want to get back with you might give you a boost of "feel good" . Know IT'S TEMPORARY to relieve your emotional pain. Take the high road and wish her the best. Thank you but no thanks and not interested in her bait. You already know what your ex serves on her menu, it's called "NOT GOOD ENOUGH"!

PS: "Not Good Enough" for you, not for any past men, not for the latest one, and certainly, not for the next one! That's HISTORY.

Good that your 2 oldest would not support you and you would lose their respect. I know how hard it can be at times not to cave. I am sure my ex didnt believe me when I said if he did it again I would not be part of his life. This is about me and you and rebuilding our self esteem and self respect because they have torn down these. I agree with Cowgirl. You do not need contact as your kids are adults. Also tell your boys to not update you as you are working on moving on. Believe me my ex told me many times him and OW were finished and then back together few days later. They have continued that type of relationship since I walked away in February. They seem to like the drama.

My Ex actually text my oldest son tonight and told him how much she missed the idea of having a family. She also said she wants to talk to me on Saturday about getting back together she said it doesn't have to be where we get married because of trust issues but she does miss it. I don't know what she wants from me she's the one that left and now she wants me to let her back into our lives. I know I could never trust her again, I can't even see her at the store with out getting mad at what she did to me and our family, and now she wants to talk after living with another man. I just don't see how this would ever work, I'm so hurt by her lies and betrayal, I know I was never a perfect husband but I was never bad enough to deserve to be lied too and cheated on. If somebody can give me a reason why I should give her yet another chance please let me know because I just don't see it.

Simply put...there isn't one...Big Hugs...Kathy

Thank you, Kathy I guess I needed to hear someone else say it. I have to say it does hurt very bad though to know that it is finally over, even though deep down I knew it was a long time ago.